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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just 'chill' everytime I'm home and not at work now, rather than do any of the chores

75 replies

CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:33

Because DH seems to think that it's ok to do this and that I'm being unreasonable to object to doing everything house and child related at weekends and evenings by myself, despite the fact that we both work.

This weekend I have done all of the housework, laundry, online food shop, putting the food away when it arrived, and everything with the kids. I have pulled him up on this, as I do every time he behaves this way, and he said he is "chilling" and that "weekends are for chilling"

I have said today that from now on I will spend all my time at home just "chilling" and he will soon complain about the state of the house and the fact that he has no clean clothes, and that the kids are still running around the house at 11pm as no one has bathed them and put them to bed.

He seems to think I'm being unreasonable.....

OP posts:
alwayslookingforsomething · 08/03/2015 19:34

Yes go for it

Stealthpolarbear · 08/03/2015 19:35

ah I was going to say yabu :o
of course weekends are for chilling. for both of you when the jobs are done

Millie3030 · 08/03/2015 19:35

Need more info, so you both work, but you do all the chores and he doesn't do any of them? Or does he do them through the week but likes to chill at weekends?

Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:37

No, as I said in my OP he does nothing at evenings and at weekends. He says he's too tired in the evenings and that he's not prepared to work all day and to come home and do housework.

OP posts:
Ataraxy · 08/03/2015 19:37

Ah enjoy your newly acquired chilltime. Grin

StackladysMorphicResonator · 08/03/2015 19:37

Do you both work FT? V pertinent info!

Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:38

The only thing he will ever do is put the bins out but more often than not he forgets so we end up with a sodding wheelie bin full of rubbish for a month!

OP posts:
Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:39

Yes, both full time, although part of my role is done from home.

OP posts:
ApocalypseThen · 08/03/2015 19:39

Perfectly reasonable. I hope you follow through and actually do it as well.

CheshireCait · 08/03/2015 19:39

Do absolutely nothing. Chill so much you turn into Olaf.

Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:39

And in any case, even if he was full time and I was part time, there is no excuse for him just sitting around at the weekend and doing nothing for the kids. I'm not a servant.

OP posts:
Splodgeses · 08/03/2015 19:39

Go for it!

When he asks "What's for dinner love?" you can reply with "Whatever you plan to cook will be fine." Wink

Then when he says "Where are my pants love?" you get to say "You mean you haven't done the washing yet?" Grin

And best of all... you may get to just sit quietly reading your book, while wild dc run around, calling out "When are you putting them to bed love?"

Mwah ha haaaaa! I am feeling a bit cheeky this evening!

Panzee · 08/03/2015 19:40

It's hard though, isn't it? I work FT out of the home, husband works from home. I am shattered when I get in and can barely do anything in the evening. At the weekend I'm with the kids or working. I am v aware that I don't do much housework, but then I don't expect my husband to do it either.

Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:41

I know it's hard, Panzee!! I do everything AND work! If I didn't do anything the house would be filthy, we would have no food in the house, the kids would never get packed lunches made, homework would never get done, etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:42

Panzee, were you saying 'It's hard though' in terms of it must be hard for my poor overworked husband, or that it's hard for me?

OP posts:
StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 08/03/2015 19:47

I'm sure your DH has many wonderful qualities OP but in regard to this, he is being an arsehole. Enjoy your chill time and see what he does.

ClumsyNinja · 08/03/2015 19:48

Would he notice or be bothered if the house is a mess and the kids are running around?

It's tricky if his housework standards and expectations are much lower than yours.

You really need to sit him down and spell out exactly why you find his behaviour frustrating. He needs to understand and accept that chores should be shared and not left just to you.

Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:50

Yes he'd moan if the house was messy and dirty and the laundry wasn't done, and has moaned about it in the past.

I'm not obsessive about housework, it's more the basic chores that need to be done that annoy me. He just thinks he can opt out of it all.

OP posts:
MinceSpy · 08/03/2015 19:51

As your both working is jointly funding a cleaner possible?

You really do need to stop doing as much as you can and just do enough to stop children going hungry etc. No shirts, pants socks, dinner, sex DH? Tough.

Brummiegirl15 · 08/03/2015 19:51

Ah you see, I'm on the fence. I chill at weekends. If I don't have time to literally do nothing I am exhausted.

DP is always harping at me at how messy I am. Newspapers on floor in lounge, stuff on bedroom floor (on my side of bed) and it really pisses me off when he nags as I feel he criticises me.

BUT I don't do nothing. I'm the one who does all the washing and I do all the cooking. I cook all meals in the evening from scratch. I go to Tesco on a weekend as "he can't bear supermarkets"

Well guess what neither can I!

Totality22 · 08/03/2015 19:51

Does he have a manual job or a mammoth commute? Neither are an excuse for being such a lazy fucker of course.

Has he always been this way?

Happy36 · 08/03/2015 19:51

Can you guys afford someone to help around the home? Then you will both get to chill.

If not then I would say a rota of chores needs to be drawn up including your husband and your kids.

Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:53

Even if we get a cleaner though, things like washing the school uniforms at the weekends and making sure that we have enough stuff in for packed lunches are still going to need to be done though.

It's his assumption that I will just pick up his slack all the time that annoys me.

Brummiegirl, I would LOVE to chill at weekends, but it isn't possible. There is too much to do!!

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 08/03/2015 19:53

Make your stand OP. When he runs out of clothes he may prefer to get off his bottom.

Original poster
CrystalBarbs · 08/03/2015 19:54

His job is partly manual but not super exhausting, and my commute is longer when I go into the office.

OP posts: