To think my next door neighbour's imitation is not flattering but sinister?

[BorisBrushe]

I have nc for obvious reasons cue chicken noises

A brief bit if background(I'll try). We had next door neighbours move in about two years ago. They were very different to our previous neighbours who were eldery and very quiet. Having been burnt before by previous neighbours who took advantage when I got friendly and close to them- dropping their kids off regularly when I said I was busy etc, borrowing stuff and not returning it- I have ever since remained civil and friendly with neighbours but kept it at that.

The mum was very chatty, it was a wreck of a house that they were remodeling and she’d tell me snippets whilst we got kids into our houses from school etc- She kept asking me for my opinion and questions like where I’d gotten my curtains from, and wallpaper in the bedroom she could see when it was night time and she had driven past etc.

A few weeks later I found out we had a mutual friend who was at my house for dinner and she had mentioned that my NDN was dying for an invite to my house, she wanted to see what we had done etc, which I found weird, I guess because I don’t want someone I live next door to me making like tricky like before-

Anyway, I started to get pissed off a few months ago when they had something done to the exterior of our house which is identical to ours, in fact she made a point of telling me hers cost a fortune and were custom made- then our mutual friend said NDN had seen a photo of children at a party at my house on social media (uploaded by my friend) and my NDN had mentioned liking some interior features of our home- NDN has done the exact same things to her lounge which are VERY unusual and very home made (out of necessity, we don’t have much spare cash so I make –bodge—most things- and I started to feel a bit uncomfortable -if I am honest, I shook it off and just told myself it didn’t matter until yesterday. She has bought a replica of my brand new car. I’ve never had a new car and it took me ages to choose it and get excited about owning something from new (took 7 years to save for it) NDN even has the same model and identical colour- everything- the same.

I KNOW this is going to seem like petty first world problems but having brushed so much off, thinking about it yesterday and going over stuff that’s happened over the last year she has, got her hair cut like mine, wears almost identical coats/scarfs- had her DS’s hair cut like mine/dressed like mine, bought a dog similar to ours and called it a name with one letter out- think Kookie/Kiki. It’s so weird and creepy and right here and constant reminder. I’m a grown woman- if it were anyone else I’d tell them to be flattered but I am feeling suffocated.

Can anyone kick my arse? DH thinks I shoud get a Mohawk and get the car covered in leopardskin vinyl and I have to say I am tempted.

Crumbs some of you are very imaginative!
I'm going to take stock for a bit as it all seems a bit overwhelming right now. How daft that the thing that does enrage me is the kids playroom floor- must be because it's so personal.
If I had the balls I'd do as a PP suggested and loudly go on about same car-Hahahahaha!

It would really disturb me if someone did this so I sympathise, OP. I think I'd try to have fun with it and see how far she will go.I'd go for the weird stuff outside like this izismile.com/2010/03/05/weird_and_unusual_garden_sculptures_16_pics.html

We had a NDN years ago that came round for coffee. She asked where I got my sofa from and other bits and pieces. Six weeks later the identical sofa was delivered to her, the same ornaments started appearing on the window sill. She even had the same fucking nightie hanging on her washing line as I did.

We moved not long after, thank god!

I'd try & take it as a compliment she obviously likes your taste & maybe doesn't have the confidence to develop her own style. It would really annoy me though as I like obscure/home made/bespoke - maybe that's why nobody copies me?! It is weird though & v creepy that she's willing to go as far as same cars etc.

Why not mention you've got a new tattoo on your butt cheek & obv you can't show her but tell her it's a huge cartoon character or similar?

It's not flattering in any way, it is creepy!

I can't believe you didn't invite a new neighbour for coffee.
you are overreacting

my neighbour got exactly the same ( slightly rare) car as me.
I didn't register it as anything other that a mutually congratulatory talking point.
I didn't think " she must be copying me "
how odd

As other posters have said, she probably has no confidence in her own judgement - so be KIND.

It takes two people to have a conversation on a topic -

so if she wants to talk about anything personal to you, just reply with a polite non committal "mmm", "yes", "not really", as appropriate, and IMMEDIATELY politely change the subject. Prepare a list of topics so that when you are caught by surprise, you have a topic at the very forefront of your mind - eg some different things about the local area - the local shop/woods/park/school/traffic/whatever.

You could also try to get her talking about some of her (other) interests. I know you don't want to make a friend of her, but try anything to divert her.

What about getting her involved in some local cause? Eg fund raising for something local. Channel her into it, and it could be a very good thing for whatever the cause is, and you will feel good about yourself and you can give yourself a big pat on the back.

DIVERT.
and that goes for you as well. Try to rise above it all. Be the better person. Try to concentrate on more pressing issues in your own life and try not to give her so much head space, otherwise you will wind up in complete knots about all this and it could escalate, one day you will have a row with her, and end up in a horrid neighbour dispute, a much worse scenario, doing you no good at all.

Distance and Divert.

It all sounds infuriating!

I do wonder where her need to copy everything so closely? Does she think you won't notice??

Is it just complete lack of confidence and creativity, or is it more alarming?

Does this woman work? Does she have a family?

Go on OP...PLEASE get a (very realistic) fake tattoo done. Preferably on your neck. When she asks about it, say its real. & after she's run off and got the real thing done, please report back

On a serious note Im glad she won't be setting foot over your doorstep. She is too intrusive by far. Im glad you & DH think as one on this, that will help. Ive not been in this situation but it would enrage me. Some good suggestions on thread tho (& I mean it about the tattoo thing!). Good luck

Dare you to post a pic of this lovely tasteful tattoo on your facebook with no privacy restriction. See how long before it's on hers for real

I bloody love the rasta hat idea! Please do that and report back OP.

Can't really help as I have never experienced anything like this. I would say that a direct confrontation would be tricky as you it would be difficult to proove she's copying you... Unless you do the rasta hat thing! Hurrah!

Decaf you could put everything else down to coincidence etc but one item and is massive- in my home is so personal and big. It took me months to do and relates directly to my children's places of birth etc- she spent £££££ to get the same thing on her floor.
Jasper you must be odd

Jasper that was meant to be
OTT laid back. Bloody phone!

Confide in her that you have begun a passionate affair with a younger man, and are having the hottest sex of your life. Give details of hotels, restaurants, and dogging sites you have visited with your lover, show her his profile on a dating site. Give her a few weeks to get on with it before letting it slip to her DH during a routine neighbourly interaction over the recycling bins. Sit back and watch as the marriage collapses, the house is sold , and new neighbours move in. Sorted.

One thing copied probably wouldnt register but this woman hasnt just copied one thing. This woman is weird and i would take great pleasure in winding her up.

*I can't believe you didn't invite a new neighbour for coffee.
you are overreacting The fuck? jasper can you even read?

OP you could definitely have a lot of fun with this!

That would annoy the hell out of me too, BUT OP and all you other people convinced you are being deliberately copied, are you sure the things you choose are unusual enough that you know without doubt that is the case? Sometimes your ideas/tastes might less original than you think they are, and popular/fashionable generally at the moment? Perhaps there are hundred of other women in your town all picking the same stuff as you and your NDN?

Get those car eyelashes, OP! That's an order good idea! You'll have to brazen it out I'm afraid.

Does that mean no rasta hat then OP?

Seriously...the rasta hat worked a treat. It just took massive amounts of self control for the rest of us not to have a stroke laughing whilst Friend A wore it for the entire evening taking care to make NO REFERENCE TO IT and see Friend B slyly google image it on her phone to see where she could buy one. Comedy gold I tell you.

Car eyelashes are a good back up though, I'll give you that.

OP. Have you considered that it might be your DH she is obsessed with and is coping you to attract him?
Whatever the motivation, she sounds like a frightful neighbour.

Finnbarr

I quite often look out of my window at my posh neighbour's house over the road, see the family pottering about, and think with a twinge of envy they're living a good life, I wish my life were similar.

I can see how someone very unhappy and a bit disturbed could take that to the level you're describing with your neighbour. I'd like to think I would handle it compassionately. Maybe take her out for a coffee (not round yours!), talk to her honestly, say that you've noticed what she's doing, that you're finding it a bit stifling, ask if she knows why she's doing it. Ask her to please try and stop and offer to help her if she is trying to choose new stuff, decorate, or whatever and would appreciate some ideas.