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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does charity beat everything?

82 replies

feckfeckfeck · 06/03/2015 22:53

I've name changed because while I don't think I'm BU I've never posted my own AIBU before and quite frankly I'm terrified if this all goes wrong for me. But I digress, on to the tale of woe:

Nice day here today so DS (3) & I decided to go for a very exciting long walk to the big supermarket on the other side of town. While we're getting ready to go out DS was playing with my purse, taking out coins and putting them into this little purse his gran gave him. I checked and he'd taken about £3 - £4 in pound coins and 20p & 50p pieces. He then put his purse in his backpack and told me he would pay for the shopping today. So far, so cute.

Got to the shop, wandered around, picked up a few things then went to pay. At the till there was two staff members, one on till, one doing something else. DS charms them both by chatting away and I get bags ready, get my purse out to pay and try and clear up for both of them what DS is talking about.

The staff member not on till asks lots of usual questions about DS and I answer as I put the shopping in the bags. Then I notice DS and the till lady are counting something out and I think "oh, he's trying to pay the lady for the shopping" but when I look to see whats happening (yes I was distracted although he was next to me) I see the till lady holding a charity collection tub towards DS and she's helping him count all the coins from his little purse into the tub.

I told him to stop and had a look at what was left - just the 20p's. I must have looked at the till lady like this Shock as she just shrugged and said at least it was for charity. I looked at the woman I was taking to and she said something like "aww, at least it's for a good thing, not on sweets" (not verbatim). I stuck my card in the reader to pay and finally said I didn't think it was on the encourage a 3 year old to put all their money in the collection tub without asking their parent if it was ok. The woman on the till said nothing but the other one said (head tilted to the side and sounding sympathetic) "I know, but it is for charity" (that is verbatim, it's burned into my memory!)

I scoffed and left with DS, him asking did he pay for the shopping. I said yes.

So, AIBU in thinking you don't encourage little kids to put money in charity collection boxes without asking their parents first or does charity trump everything?

I know people will say I shouldn't have let DS keep the money. I know if it had been lost in other ways it would have been my fault but what happened today feels like it's been taken from him under my nose.

And yes I wasn't given him my full attention but he was at my side, I thought he was just talking to the woman.

The worst thing is I didn't even look to see what charity it was for. Knowing my luck it will be something dumb like a doll museum Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
feckfeckfeck · 06/03/2015 23:50

QOD yes, it was sad too. DS with his little gentelmans purse thinking he was paying for the shopping.

It made me feel worse for him. Only three and he's already been chugged Sad

OP posts:
FiftyShadesofFey · 06/03/2015 23:53

I don't wish to derail but I recently saw a current affairs programme regarding charity collectors. I'm in Australia but the charity is international and you'll know it. They have paid employees door knocking to get people to sign up on a direct debit basis. The door knockers are paid a commission on each signee. Some time after the show was aired I happened to mention it to my MIL, who revealed that she had signed up after two door knockers had visited her. MIL lives alone and is 88 years old. She did admit that she felt slightly pressured by dealing with two collectors. (They were young and gung ho). We cancelled the direct debit and I have vowed to never support that particular charity again.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 06/03/2015 23:54

Chugged?

He was mugged. Good old fashioned mugging.

Original poster
feckfeckfeck · 06/03/2015 23:54

Honestly don't know what the charity was. The tub was blue with a white sticker.

OP posts:
KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 06/03/2015 23:56

You could take this to the papers.

Daily Mail sad faces and bucket lady leering over you with fivers poking out of her clothes and hat.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 06/03/2015 23:58

I wouldn't give a three year old a biscuit without checking with his parent, let alone take money from him. YANBU.

Original poster
feckfeckfeck · 07/03/2015 00:01

Is the Wright thing on on Saturdays?

Also the woman was a shop assistant. Not a charity collector.

Fifty, that's awful. I always say no to them. I've got my selected charities DD'd. Everyone else can go away Grin but they still got to my son Angry

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 07/03/2015 00:04

Mugging a three year old? Very low. You should complain. They may be doing it to elderly people.

GrumpyKitty · 07/03/2015 00:08

I'd have been tempted to tell the till lady she can pay for charity out of her own pocket! And possibly asked for the money to be given back....
In other words, no YANBU.
The till lady should have asked permission from you, especially as it seems she could barely understand your DS. For all she knew, he could have been saving that money up for months, or been handed it to buy something specific - she also did not know if it actually belonged to him or not.

She shouldn't have counted it in to the tub, either - and the more valuable coins disappearing into the tub would just annoy me all the more.
I'd agree with those suggesting making a complaint, and I'd also name them on here and post on twitter. If you have the card receipt you can give the manager all the details of the transaction, and possibly even the name of the till operator.

Original poster
feckfeckfeck · 07/03/2015 00:08

I can do a fucking brilliant daily mail sad face. And get DS to hold up his little purse Grin

I think I'll email the shop tomorrow and let them know. Bring the issue to their attention blah blah.

OP posts:
PurpleSwift · 07/03/2015 00:08

Ooooh no, I don't like that. Yanbu I would complain.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 07/03/2015 00:08

I have no idea. I don't watch it.

Doesn't stop me joining in MN threads about him. You can pick up on whatever crap he's said very quickly.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 07/03/2015 00:10

Email the store. They'll send him a voucher.

Keep it away from bucket lady, though.

Original poster
feckfeckfeck · 07/03/2015 00:14

Grumpy, definitely tell the shop but I don't want to go on Twitter in case their lawyers want to talk to me!

OP posts:
TheMaw · 07/03/2015 00:14

YANBU, the fuckers. I'm feeling really sad for your poor DS with his little purse, thinking he was paying for the shopping!

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 07/03/2015 00:16

By the way, your DS sounds totally cute.

Grin
SquidgyMaltLoaf · 07/03/2015 00:19

YANBU. She was wrong. I'd be annoyed too.

Seekingtheanswers · 07/03/2015 00:21

OP, do you know that they encouraged your ds to put the money in, or did he see it and then struggle to reach it? Presumably, you didn't actually see what went on, otherwise you'd have stepped in?

Original poster
feckfeckfeck · 07/03/2015 00:28

Seeking, the till lady was holding the tub over the counter and down to him. They were counting 1,2,3...etc. It is possible she couldn't see the value of the coins.

How the whole thing started, no I didn't see that.

OP posts:
GrumpyKitty · 07/03/2015 00:36

I can understand that, but if you're raising the issue with the company (rather than a "sensationalist" type tweet) then their head office is more likely to sit up and pay attention than if you write to them.
From an outside point of view, if I had elderly or mentally disabled relatives and lived in your area, I'd want to know about this. As someone's already pointed out, if this woman felt it acceptable to effectively steal from a three-year-old, would she deem it acceptable to take advantage of others in similarly vulnerable positions?

londonrach · 07/03/2015 08:01

In this case the charity lady was in the wrong as she helped him count them in! Shocked. Surely any sensible human being would say lets ask mummy first or similar! Hate this its for charity as if its excuse. (Sorry dim view of charity at mo as keep seeing misuse)

latenightworker · 07/03/2015 08:08

YANBU. I'm quite shocked by that TBH. The idea that 'you should have been watching' is ridiculous - it would never occur to me that a shop assistant would try to part a toddler from their money. Being for charity doesn't mean it's ok!

latenightworker · 07/03/2015 08:09

Deffo complain BTW. It's just completely inappropriate behaviour.

HouseOfGingerbread · 07/03/2015 08:25

Londonrach, it was a shop assistant not a charity collector. Whatever charity it was, they can't be blamed for the behaviour of a supermarket employee.

LionWings · 07/03/2015 08:44

YADNBU but you could have actually told him the truth about where it was going. Even at 3 they can have some understanding of charity. Especially if you say it's for children who don't have clothes, food or toys (even if you didn't actually know that they can easily relate to it).