To want to know whether the ladies toilets are better at MI5, MI6 or GCHQ?

[LondonKitty]

The light in the bathrooms in some of these government buildings can be a bit grim. If you're out doing the standard speedboat chase down the Thames, or just back from absolutely necessary (government funded) skiing in the Alps, and the odd shimmy up the Eiffel Tower, then I reckon you'll need somewhere decent to fix your hair. And I just know I'd have to practice the odd menacing glower during my lunch break.

What do you think? How far up my list of questions should this be when they (inevitably) PM me on mumsnet?

Never mind the toilets, what about the biscuits? I'd go where the best biscuits are, but maybe being Public Service and all that biscuits aren't allowed, in which case count me out.

Yes, the civil service is not what it used to be. No more tea ladies. There'd likely be a tea and biscuit collection for the office. What sort of biscuits do spies like?

Maybe you'd be obliged to stop off in duty free every trip...

I'm more interested in how they allocate our fake names.

I hope Lulu LeFox isn't taken.

I once went to a corporate dinner in the Eiffel Tower and there was a mouse, a real live mouse, running round the conference room. Loos were dodgy too.I'm not going back even in the interests of national security.

I bet you get subsidised tea and coffee. Or Moet, like the House of Commons?

Spies like jammy dodgers. Dodgers, geddit? I'll get my coat.

I hope they have locks on the toilet doors as i can ensure you theres no locks in the house of commons large bathroom i used! Never been so quick as the toilet was some way from the door and there was a shower in the room, and a bath.....

Stands to reason they'll have a 'biscuit strategy'.

Hob nobs at the top of the list.

I have vomited in one of the MI6 toilets. The facilities were very clean and pleasant (before my visit).

I'm going to go with MI5 being the best; Stella used to be in charge and I can't imagine her putting up with anything less than naice.

Rumour has it your annual income, including London weighting is £22,000

Goodness, you may end up having to spy on politicians etc. It all sounds a tad grubby. No thank you.

Joan it's ok, we wouldn't be on the bottom of the pay scale. If they want us, they'd have to pay senior salaries. Because of our skills.
For example, we'd save them so much money by not crashing those v expensive cars.

I think YABU to ask that ask if it's even remotely near the top end of your list of questions. My first one (when I'm also inevitably contact via swapping of briefcases) is how many people will I be expected to sleep with on a daily basis and what are the post sex clean up facilities? (God forbid I have to take my own penis beaker!) bond slept with a helluva women, is it expected I do the same?!!

I hear the ladies loos at the Pentagon are a) few and b) not very nice

Do you think you get a clothes allowance? Its bad enough keeping myself in work clothes as it is, without having to buy cocktail dresses.

I need to know if I'm in Russia on assignment will the plane take me back in time enough for the school run??!

Years ago, before photo ID cards, I was absurdly pleased that my civil service "pass" was number 007...

I've been checking the
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/jobs
page every day, but nothing has been advertised yet (unless it's the 'mystery shopper' one.