To wonder which of you are working for MI5?

[RandomNPC]

m.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/31753961

Who wants to be a spy then?

Me, me, me. I'd be great at this. I hear and see everything. I can also keep secrets really well, and lie quite well when put on the spot.

Unfortunately, I'm 5'10" and I stand out like a sore thumb. People always want to talk to me, and I'm far too friendly.

pm me MI5

I'm writing this all down. Interviews are a week on Friday. Bring an exploding pen.

I think the best spies would be the people who just look completely ordinary and nondescript

Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that was the sort of person they use as spies?? A bit like Daniel Craig, in fact ...

Incoming

Pick mee! I'm fairly outgoing and verbose which could be a double bluff
I can keep secrets and am very stealthy. Only the other week my colleague and I had a competition at work to see who could stick the most apposite or outrageous sign on our consultants office door whilst he was in clinic - I won!

Oh arse - cover blown- sorry Dr 'D'...

I'm the ideal candidate. I don't get noticed, even people I sat next to at school , did homework with, went to the disco with, counted as friends, went into town and bought records, sweets and stationery with don't remember me. Was I really sure I went to that school?

I'm in all the piggin' school photos!!

Am I my sister? She gets remembered. But she couldn't have been in my year as she's 3 years younger. So who was I?

Anyone seen my laptop bag?

I think you left it on the train

I found your laptop bag - and I'm sorry to report it was blown up in a controlled explosion earlier (after I extracted all your secret files, passwords and so on)

Dammit, i cant even apply. Cause you can bet that their spys would sanction my esa before i could blink... :(

OMG they want me! I'm middle aged female, nondescript, You'd never notice me wandering about. Can I fit it in around Dd's school hours that would be great, and it pays more than my NHS job. just don't ask me to work nights anymore

I'm just a perfectly normal mumsnetter.

Mumsnetting.

Normally.

You shouldn't believe everything you read in the papers.

But squinkies - can you stealthily corrupt the consultants door with signs for pharmacy whilst remaining undetected?

Pick meee!

Hi I'm the official "wanna be a spy?" recruitment person.
The application forms are only £25 each.
Pm me and I'll send you the payment details and we can get the interviews set up.

The pombears are in the gender neutral bowl.

I repeat: the pombears are in the gender neutral bowl.

I would be a fabulous spy; people tell me all manner of private secrets because I have "one of those faces". And I have amazing gut instinct for tosspots; I can detect one a mile off. I put that down to having dated 90% of the Midland's wankers in my twenties, though.

MI5, do you employ slightly sweary teaching assistants? If so, I'm your man. Woman. Whatever.

[email protected]

want to help your country?
Nondescript, boring looking with great attention to detail?

For only 150gbpounds I can buy notonmywatchs help you complete and check through the process.

Seriously, the money has to be looked at as £22,000 for people with mortgages and childcare ain't going to get them through the door if commuting costs are added in as well. This is a central London post and mid-career professional people of the type they describe earn in the region of £35,000-£60,000, even teachers and so on. I bet they screen out lots and lots of otherwise ideal candidates on the basis of people in their 40s not wanting to earn the kind of wage that would only appeal to a new graduate.

But squinkies - can you stealthily corrupt the consultants door with signs for pharmacy whilst remaining undetected?

I can I can I know where their personal offices are

If you walkndown the street with a buggy you could rob a bank and no would notice. You would just be "the woman with a buggy" no description further than this necessary. As such can spend who of life completely covert with just this one accessory. Intelligent women who are routinely overlooked to pint of invisibility? Check!

If be good at it, but it won't work out well when childcare fails and I have to bring DS to work. He can't keep a secret that boy but is a good interrogator.

Ooh, I'm middle aged, fairly nondescript, and available. Do MI5 operate in the Scottish Highlands. £22,000 would come in handy this month.

I would be a fabulous spy. I can keep a straight face whilst telling fibs "no darling i didn't eat the remaining contents of your confiscated party bag, your father did". I gave birth without any pain relief, twice, so i think i could cope with a bit of interrogation or mild torture. And i am very very good at doing a Russian accent.