To think STFU about people who complain about having no money but then buy stupid shit

[Hubb]

It's not my business what people want to spend their money on of course, but when trying to be a good friend and offer support I just get fed up of hearing the same story over and over!

No money for essentials like food/electric some weeks but randomly take up expensive hobbies, go through phases of eating out.

Anyone else got a friend like this? Anyone like this? (ie crap at budgeting and moaning continuously to everyone, dropping hints for money etc)

Suppose it's like the friend that moans about the shit boyfriend but always forgives them, or someone who is having a hard time at work but won't do anything about it..

Do good friends just roll with it? AIBU?

Yes the 'you' were general. Sorry but I disagree because you described very serious mental illnesses and over spending alone is not a very serious mental illness.

No overspending can go hand in hand with either psychological issues or mental health conditions though.

I don't think it is either but I am sure it can be a pretty major symptom :)

We've all overspent but when someone is actually putting their home at serious risk then that's indicative of a problem.

I know I am guilty of overspending on the children as it makes me feel like a 'good' parent. when I stop and analyse it I realise what I'm doing but in the heat of the moment if you like I just get carried away with the feeling.

I certainly don't and won't condone people's behaviour impacting on others but it's a bit like drug abuse really - awful and shouldn't happen but hurling arms in the air incredulously and saying 'well why don't they ...' is useless.

I think people have a difference of what skint it. When I am skint I really am skint, scrabbling round in the freezer trying to find something for tea for the kids, praying the car will make it to work on the fumes left in the tank, going without lunch at work because I simply do not have the money.

My friend was always pleading poverty, always. She used to be married and had a very nice lifestyle but carried on spending like she was still married. A champagne lifestyle on lemonade money.

2 weeks before payday she was skint, couldnt put any petrol in her car etc. Her boyfriend gave her £100 to last the 2 weeks. She went straight to Mark and Spencers and spent £50 on a new dressing gown "because it has a hood and is all snuggly". I was . Obviosly her skint means something different to my skint!

That's true for everybody Vodka

First world people have a different concept of 'skint' to the third world. Even amongst the very poor in this country they will have different sources of help and as a result even an identical income can't properly be compared.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers A close family member is like this. Continually buying big ticket items - think cars, animals, boats etc, but moaning about finances in general and how they will never be able to afford to buy a house.

Alibaba - we must be related. We also have some family members who buy cars, animals and boats, amongst other things, while being unable to buy groceries, put petrol in the car, or pay their bills. They nearly went bankrupt recently, but have just committed themselves to a very large, long-term expenditure that they will not be able to sustain.

It's very, very distressing when it all goes wrong, as there are children involved, and other family members finish up helping out financially. It is, of course, never paid back, but they then tell us all about their latest purchases/hobbies/holidays.

Nothing we can do. They'll never change, and they've left it too late to achieve permanent financial stability. No pension for one of them and no pension entitlement for the other, no assets and no savings. What a waste of hundreds of thousands of pounds.

I think it can definitely be psychological. I went through a phase of overspending on crap, although I always paid bills and essentials first and never moaned about being broke.

I eventually realised I was trying to buy something that isn't for sale. I grew up in an abusive home and was homeless in my late teens and I was trying to buy something that I actually needed to find inside of myself. I needed to learn to be okay with myself, regardless of stuff.

I suppose that's different to thinking you are entitled to holidays and Sky subscriptions when struggling, but it is hard to learn to be more rational if it's a new thing to learn.

I have learned a lot from my DH. He is content with his lot and doesn't want much in life. He doesn't rely on stuff and prestige as a way of confirming who he is, which I think is often the case with the people described on this thread. They don't know they are the same person with or without the holiday/car/whatever and are mistakenly thinking it defines who they are.

I was trying to buy something that isn't for sale

That really resonated with me, Peppermint

I've always noticed that when I'm overweight and finding it hard to eat sensibly, my bank account is in dire straits as well.

Does this happen to anyone else? It's like I've lost the sense I was born with.

Yes.

Although, I'm not sure I was born with sense

I hear very clearly what Peppermint said as well.

Some of my debt was solicitors fees and study courses but some was holidays, clothes etc because I was trying to buy self esteem, happiness and peace of mind. I took a long time to face up to the mess I'd got into as well because I was so unhappy. Thankfully I never stopped paying for essential bills.

Realising that was a massive relief. Because once I knew it wasn't for sale I could stop trying to buy it.

Luckily I have never been in any real debt but I see so easily how it can happen.

Yes, I think most people know someone like this.

I know a few variations on the theme. The one who really got on my goat though was always buying really expensive, top line things for themselves while moaning about cost of kids, their DP's low income etc.

That wouldn't have bothered me except they were always finding a way to avoid chipping in. The most blatant was a big meal out where they divulged that they had brought no money, after I requested the bill. There were lots of little things, when socialising that basically played on the rest of the group's good manners and the fact that we were all relatively high earners so no-one would want to be the one kicking off about £20-£50 (that of course we're getting back next time )

I stopped inviting. The only time I want a sponge is in the bath.