To say loud and proud that it's better for my kids that I don't work

[yetanotherchangename]

There have been lots of threads about WOHM/SAHM at the moment, which frankly are beyond boring. HOWEVER on all of them I've seen SAHMs attacked (either for being naive, vacuous, lazy, money grabbing, downtrodden) etc., and I've seen a lot of SAHM explain why being at home is the only option for their family.

I've rarely if ever seen a SAHM openly say that it is a good thing for kids if they have a parent who doesn't work. I think we are too afraid of offending mothers who do work. Am I unreasonable to claim back some pride in what I am doing?

But balance it out middle

If you read threads on here there's comments from wohm saying that sahp have no work ethic, can't teach their Dcs anything, sahm are lazy and living off their DH, what do they do all day etc.

There's extremes on both sides. There's always a few that take an extreme point of view.

Agreed. I know v v few SAHMs where the partner is not a high earner. in my middle class bubble

The SAHMs I know before they became Mums were all in much lower paid jobs than their partners too.

My DH and I earn decent enough, above average wages but to lose one would be losing half our income. I would much rather one of us made the same as we both do, then we'd have more choice and flexibility. Unfortunately where we live and in our jobs we've pretty much hit our peak.

Why are you even legitimising this stupid bloody thread with responses? You're only making it worse.
Some mothers work, some mothers don't. The sooner we stop giving the topic any discussion room at all the sooner people will stop caring what anyone else does.

Could I just say loud and proud that I had a really satisfactory poo this morning.

I guess sometimes these threads get under your skin because they relate to something that's currently going in on the real world.

middle

I think I would have posted some of the examples you have given. However, they would have been in response to somebody asking me why I/we decided to have a sahp.
I don't think these make me or anybody else who chooses them better than anybody who doesn't.
I suppose you could see a quite innocent post like this or a conversation in rl and think the person was saying this, but to meet people who openly think they are better must be awful.
we are all doing what is best for our families irrespective of the choice we made.

middle

I would say 1 and 3 as part of my reason, but not the thinking its better or that my dc would do better than yours. Moreover, they would benefit from me not working.
Another family would personally benefit from something else because they both work.

My being a SAHM does allow DH to focus on his job but it doesn't make me a better wife! It just means we're both less frazzled than we were before.

My dcs are 11 and 8, it is definitely better for them that we both work. They have experienced having a SAHP and a more than FT working parent. They prefer us both working. I don't happen to think it's.terribly good for dcs to be the centre of attention.

Because we both work we all have to take responsibility for doing the laundry and providing the evening meal. It's good that there isn't a SAHP doing this stuff for them.

It is easier to have a sahp in the sense of before dh was focusing on his own working needs whereas now he is more of an assistant for me and the children.

stillwish- my 8 yera olds appreciated having a SAHP cook an evening meal for them.

Everyone's 8 year old is different.

My eldest dc prefers being in childcare because she has her friends, and went for years.. The other 2 are too young to care. I prefer having a sahp because I like coming home to cooked food, clean place and having someone who can do what I need them to do any time of the day I need them.

Dc would want childcare, but they can get lost at mo as I am living the good life. I do pay for her to go a few days in the holidays as I do feel sorry for her not being able to go as much as she did. It costs me a bomb though.

bigblue do people who work not cook then?

Is the rest of the world eating sandwiches?

I work full time and cook an evening meal for DS.
Not every single day, as I tend to have left overs, but these amount to proper meals anyway. I never cook just enough for 2.

My DS also loves to come to work with me. :)

morethanpotatoprints

I fully understand that benefits supplement low incomes. As I said before that is what is is there for. But, of course, it has a bearing “whether 2 or one parent works if the income is low”. Please explain how in some cases it could cost the tax payer more if both parents are working?

ITs a strange assumption that working parents don't cook an evening meal?
I don't know anyone who doesn't.its an integral part of our day whether I'm at work or not.

My comment about the evening meal was in response to stillwish who said "we all have to take responsibility for doing the laundry and providing the evening meal. It's good that there isn't a SAHP doing this stuff for them."

I think bigblue was replying to still who said it benefitted her dc having to help with dinner etc. No way was there any implication that wop don't cook and another poster who liked having a sahp at home to cook.

Crosspost

In an ideal world, every mother would have a choice whether she had to work or not.
I don't see why being a working mother sets a better example than a SAHM or vice versa
Neither is better or worse than the other. I stayed at home when my DCs were little because that was best for me. Whether it was best for the children is up for debate.. ;-)

sonnet I once worked out that if dh and I earned his wage between us, instead of me sah and him earning it all, we would have more take home pay because we'd pay tax and keep the child benefit.

So me sah is, in a weird way, resulting in the state getting more tax from us as a family unit.

Obviously if we were both working and dh was in his current job then we would pay a lot more tax but tbh I'd be reluctant to work ft with dh doing what he does now because I'd end up working and doing most of the house/child stuff, simply because of his hours.

Sorry, pay less tax

Me too faux