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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how long after having a baby you DTD?

73 replies

OhMjh · 02/03/2015 16:45

Just that really. I'm coming up to 14 weeks post partum and although we haven't had sex, we've been intimate a few times. I'll admit, I'm not sure I'm looking forward to it, or how I feel about sex as a whole after having DD. I know breast feeding can make your libido non existent but I think it's to do with the fact DP and I had issues before because of his size - I'll spare you the details but I'm already convinced they might have stitched me one to high Blush

Before anyone asks or suggests, there's been no pressure whatsoever from DP; he's been a star and hasn't even mentioned it.

OP posts:
AnythingNotEverything · 02/03/2015 16:50

We started at around 10 weeks. Not regularly - just to check everything still worked IYSWIM.

I didn't really enjoy sex properly until I got pregnant again. Must be the bf hormones. It was liked the volume was turned down.

Be prepared to use lots of lube if you're concerned you might be a bit tight. (And I'm sure you know this but bf isn't a true contraceptive, so be careful!)

worldgonecrazy · 02/03/2015 16:51

I faced similar problems, and to help me relax, I eased myself into things with a dildo and the first time we DTD fully we treated it more as an exercise to get me used to things rather than an intimate session. (Sorry if that is oversharing)

FayKorgasm · 02/03/2015 16:54

Everyone is different and if you don't want to have sex then don't. There's lots of other things that are fun if you are in the mood.

grannytomine · 02/03/2015 16:54

Varied depending on bruising and stitches. I do remember one snotty young doctor lecturing me at my six week check up, asking what contraception I was using and being horrified that I wasn't using any. How did I know I wasn't pregnant again, I asked him if he'd actually noticed my stitches, not a pretty site as they had got infected and there was no way that was going to happen any time soon.

I think for me it varied from 6 weeks to 3 or 4 months but healing is different for everyone.

Tmrgl · 02/03/2015 17:09

XH & DC1 - never - he gave up once we knew I was pregnant, i left some years later (not unrelated!!)
DH2 & DC2 - 6 days despite EBF

Murphy29 · 02/03/2015 17:13

About a week. Although I was in hospital for 4 nights and DS was in for 2 weeks so at that time we were getting a full night sleep!

Branleuse · 02/03/2015 17:15

Everyone is different. If youve had stitches then youre bound to be a bit more cautious. I think carry on just being intimate without penetration as much as you can/like, and when the time is right, the sex will come naturally

sourdrawers · 02/03/2015 17:16

No don't spare us the details OP..... How huge is he?

TheOriginalWinkly · 02/03/2015 17:19

Er, DD is 8 months old on Wednesday and it still hasn't happened here...

Totality22 · 02/03/2015 17:23

About 6 weeks after first baby and we did attempt it when I was 5 weeks post partum this time (started and it was fine physically but screaming baby thwarted our attempt). I'm bf'ing and still 3 stone overweight so needless to say I'm not feeling it much at all.

Totality22 · 02/03/2015 17:24

No stitches for me either time!

OhForFudgeCake · 02/03/2015 17:28

DD is nearly 6 and its not happened yet - ExH did leave when she was 4 months old though........

LiDLrichardsPistachioSack · 02/03/2015 17:28

It was 8 months for us too! I had an episiotomy though. And bfing really killed my desire for awhile.

EponasWildDaughter · 02/03/2015 17:33

A week. EBF. I was lucky this time though, and had no tears or stitches. Only very light lochia too, which was virtually gone by day 7. I wanted to as much as DH. We went carefully.

Everyone is different though, there are as many different experiences as there are people. No right or wrong.

kewtogetin · 02/03/2015 17:33

6 months after my first and 2 months after my second. Unlike my friend who did it on the day they brought the baby home, all three times. Eurgh.

Pengweng · 02/03/2015 17:34

When the girls were around 3 months old i think. I bled for 12 weeks though which was nice after an emergency c section and a blood transfusion. DH is luckily i was a bit tipsy or it may not have happened at all hahaha. The girls are 2.5 now and we have yet to get back into the swing of things so to speak though it is improving. I wouldn't rush and deffo use lots of lube (wink)

gemdrop84 · 02/03/2015 17:34

12 weeks after having dd, 4 weeks after having ds.. Blush dh was surprised at that one!!

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 02/03/2015 17:35

It has varied from one week to 2 months, depending on the birth and how we felt after it

It can be nerve wracking the first time, but with a bit of patience and a lot of lube it's usually fine Grin

Maybe if you feel ready to try you could arrange a time where you agree to just try piv but only briefly and finish off in other ways? That way it would be more of an experiment and there would be no pressure

Original poster
OhMjh · 02/03/2015 17:42

Thank you so much for responding to a bit of aTMI post, I'm not feeling like such an oddity now! The one time it was on the cards, DD woke up and started bawling so that was quickly pushed to the side and hasn't been revisited since.

Why am I thinking a couple of glasses of vino may help?

OP posts:
Mamus · 02/03/2015 17:42

3 weeks after ds1, 10 days after ds2, 5 weeks after ds3 (who was born with both hands on his head so I was v nervous at the prospect of PIV sex otherwise it would have been sooner).

MrsDumbledore · 02/03/2015 17:43

I think about 6 months, maybe a little more (and that's before we did anything sexual at all). I know I didn't even contemplate it when breastfeeding, which I did until 4 months, as I found that a real turnoff ( and being 'intimate' in late pregnancy once made them leak a bit -tmi -, so I dreaded to think what would happen whilst actually bf!). It also definitely didn't happen while dd was sleeping in the same room as us (5 months).
Like you I was a bit nervous about it due to episiotomy /stitches and similar issues with my dh previously! We got there in the end though -you need a patient dp, lots of lube and ideally no expectations that you will definitely have full sex, but just enjoy other things and see how it goes.

CarbeDiem · 02/03/2015 17:43

Between 2 - 6 weeks after my 3dc.
I didn't have any tears/stitches so apart from muscle tone everything was pretty much normal.

Take it easy, a glass of wine before, lots of lube and yes to treating it as more of an experiment.
You'll be fine when you're ready to try.

LovelyBranches · 02/03/2015 17:45

It was three weeks for us. I have a big c section scar and am ebf at the moment but we both wanted it so went with it.

MrsDumbledore · 02/03/2015 17:45

Oh yes, and wine probably will help, I agree!

hauntedhenry · 02/03/2015 17:45

6 days? A week? Eek!

I can't remember, op. A few months I think, and I didn't enjoy the first few times. Bf and general exhaustion killed my libido.