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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how long after having a baby you DTD?

73 replies

OhMjh · 02/03/2015 16:45

Just that really. I'm coming up to 14 weeks post partum and although we haven't had sex, we've been intimate a few times. I'll admit, I'm not sure I'm looking forward to it, or how I feel about sex as a whole after having DD. I know breast feeding can make your libido non existent but I think it's to do with the fact DP and I had issues before because of his size - I'll spare you the details but I'm already convinced they might have stitched me one to high

Before anyone asks or suggests, there's been no pressure whatsoever from DP; he's been a star and hasn't even mentioned it.

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 02/03/2015 22:20

Just before the six week check after DC1. We thought we'd better see if everything was still working correctly. I can't remember how long it was after our subsequent DC, but it was longer than six weeks - more due to lack of sleep than anything else.

Evabeaversprotege · 02/03/2015 22:45

About 3 weeks after dd, I had episiotomy, forceps & suction.... And a shitload of stitches.

It hurt like hell & it was still painful until after I had ds (4 yrs later & again an episiotomy) & asked the midwife not to stitch me as tight!!

foreverondiet · 02/03/2015 22:53

Had stitches for DD so waited until 6 week check. And it was a bit sensitive down there for a few months after that.

For DS1 an internal graze so waited until it healed at around 4 weeks. DS2 no damage so when bleeding totally stopped at around 3 weeks.

SASASI · 02/03/2015 23:01

This thread is making me feel a lot more normal - I'm EBF & DS is 6.5 months.

I didnt know BF couldn't effect libido so that's quite a relief.

We plan to start trying again at Christmas so we obviously need to DTD but I'm just not feeling it!

Teladi · 02/03/2015 23:04

6 months or so. I had had a very difficult birth that affected me deeply, and also some scar tissue that I needed to back to the gynae dept about. My DH was awesome and never even broached the subject. When we did get back to it, it was great.

mustbetimeforacreamtea · 02/03/2015 23:06

2 weeks after emcs. Only because I felt I'd been reduced to being a glorified cow and wanted to feel womanly again.

EstRusMum · 03/03/2015 00:53

12 days after c section. Was given clearance by MW on day 10, but we just couldn't get baby to sleep. Right now DD is 2 months and we are pretty much back to normal. I must say - it feels completely different after pregnancy. Like a new hornier me.

itsbetterthanabox · 03/03/2015 01:06

Person whose friends said same day that is shocking! Surely risk of infection?
Why have sex if it's going to hurt? Poster who 'gave lots of bjs' that's incredibly depressing. Your partners demands for sex should never be more important than your comfort and sex should be mutually enjoyed!

itsbetterthanabox · 03/03/2015 01:07

Op you don't need to have penetrative sex at all if you don't want to. Or any sex but if you want some then oral, mutual masturbation and using toys are enjoyable without pain or risk of another pregnancy.

Morelikeguidelines · 03/03/2015 11:48

I can't remember - I think it was sooner after dc1 than dc2 because we were so much busier second time round.

I think between 8 -12 weeks after dc1 and about 5 months after dc2.

Morelikeguidelines · 03/03/2015 11:50

to glorified cow!

I didn't even feel glorified with ds (dc2).

leedy · 03/03/2015 11:53

At least 7 months both times round - my libido didn't come back properly at all until my periods were back and I was ovulating regularly, and neither of us particularly wanted to do it "just for the sake of it". I was actually convinced my libido would never return after DS1, though we have DS2 to prove that it did....

Writerwannabe83 · 03/03/2015 11:54

11 months have passed and we still haven't. I'm still BF'ing and was kind of hoping my sex drive would return as the feeds reduced but no such luck.

I'm having a Mirena put in next week and I have no idea why as I have absolutely no desire to have sex.

It probably doesn't help my libido that I'm absolutely petrified of getting pregnant again

leedy · 03/03/2015 11:55

Are your periods back, Writerwannabe? My urge to DTD was pretty much non-existent until I was ovulating again (even though I was still BF). Which I suppose makes biological sense...

Lauramum23 · 03/03/2015 11:59

I always waited till after 6 week check, and told my dh from the off that it would be no sooner! He was gagging by the time 6 weeks came up! I had stitches with the first and it was scary but it was fine, he will be careful I'm sure and lots of lube and yes wine will help!
To the person that said her friend did it when she came home from hospital omg ewwww! Each to their own I suppose quite frankly I think it would be like sticking a pencil in a drainpipe!

Writerwannabe83 · 03/03/2015 12:01

I had a weird period last August (when DS was four months old) that lasted two days and then nothing again until three months later where my period was pretty heavy and more like my normal type. However, when it was over I didn't have another one until another three months later (February) and so God knows when another one will shows it's face.

leedy · 03/03/2015 12:02

Yeah, if they're not back regularly you may not be ovulating, I found that made a massive difference to having sexytimes feelings.

HotSquashedBun · 04/03/2015 19:13

About 2 months after ds1, 8 months after ds2 but took about 2.5yrs for sex life to get back to normal because ds2 doesn't sleep

NotLoveActually · 04/03/2015 19:28

I'm sure it was less than a week with ds1 (emc) and just over a week with ds2 (elc)

Nocturne123 · 04/03/2015 19:38

It was 3 weeks after dd . I wanted To dtd before this but I had stitches and was a bit scared.

Think it was 2 weeks after ds. I was so desperate to feel normal again after childbirth I just wanted to go for it .

itstartsnow · 04/03/2015 19:42

3 weeks. My bleeding had stopped and I didn't have any stitches or tearing.

It was fine. We went slow.

HighwayDragon · 04/03/2015 19:49

First attempt after I stopped bleeding at 8 weeks, but it was way too painful so we left it another 2 weeks

Mrsteddyruxpin · 04/03/2015 19:55

the day they brought the baby home wtf !!

Csection both times so four weeks. Lack of sleep and self conscious after birth so infrequent to be honest.

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