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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Charging "digs" for 19 year old.

125 replies

BlackLabsAreBest · 01/03/2015 22:16

Posting here for traffic and advice on what is fair to charge a 19 year old living at home.

Wages are £700 a month but they have car insurance of £140, gym membership £10 and phone contract £15 per month. They help with washing/cooking/cleaning/dog walking daily and do weekly shop on their own which we pay for.

What would you charge? I have no idea what to charge (if anything).

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 10:22

ahhhh, the sweet taste of cake mixed with the tears of slave labour....

FWIW, before I had an "adult child" I was adamant I would take a good proportion of keep off them for all the admirable reasons on this thread

then when I got there, I changed my mind

fancy that

TarkaTheOtter · 02/03/2015 10:24

I think it depends on the attitude of the teenager. Mine are (a lot) younger but I have seen my brothers and step-sibling hang on at home well into their mid-twenties because their was no incentive for them to leave.

I would have no problem with my teenagers staying whilst they saved up for a deposit, undertook further education and training or did an internship etc. But if I thought they were staying at home to enable them to have expensive gym memberships, cars and phones whilst only working part time (and not making an effort to find full time work), I would be looking to end that situation and would start charging market rates for lodging.

TarkaTheOtter · 02/03/2015 10:25

X-post AF

elizaCBR · 02/03/2015 10:33

hoobypickypicky, you're not getting it... numerous people interpreted your post as talking about your situation, not as a hypothetical. If it doesn't apply to you, either go ahead and ignore my post as you're not in that hypothethical situation, or debate it on its merits.

Chunderella · 02/03/2015 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 10:55

I don't consider a mobile phone to be a luxury either. My teen also needs a car to do her job.

CSIJanner · 02/03/2015 10:55

I never paid rent as a teen as I only had a job in the holidays and it all was saved towards living expenses at Uni for a FT course in London. It also meant parents didn't have to send me money for term time support. Once I finished my education and worked, I paid £50pw, did a shop and treated parents on special occassions. The money went towards household expenses and bills, which helped as parents were retired (health & job cuts).

Eldest sister didn't go to uni and paid rent after a-levels. However parents gave her back a proportion of the money when she bought a house. Parents were working at this point so it was probably easier., plus have helped us all out inn different ways. What I will say is that I was absolutely crap with money until I met DH and he sat me down with the cold reality of finance. Eldest sister however is totally switched on, works out what's coming in and out and only buys expensive items when she knows she has enough money, probably because she trained herself up on money matters when she started to work.

Just saying...

Pengweng · 02/03/2015 11:03

I think around £150 sounds fair if they help around the house and you pay for basic food. However i would probably put half of it in savings for them (unless you really need it) and when they want to move out it would maybe help to buy some furniture or pay the deposit and first months rent for them.

waterpump · 02/03/2015 11:03

i think 25% of take home pay on 37 hours is fair , might bump it up if they show no signs of ever leaving though :)

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 02/03/2015 11:06

Ah hooby so you're being hypothetically mean. Apologies for not realising that :)

GingerLDN · 02/03/2015 11:43

£100 + £50 into a savings account, for a deposit towards a house etc (ie no dipping in whenever they fancy)

KatyMac · 02/03/2015 12:40

DD (17) is in digs - she (I) pays £75 a week B&B

I pay because she isn't working she is at college - she saved her summer earnings to fund her spending, I pay for food too

I thought it might be useful to see what they would pay if 'out of home'

wickedlazy · 02/03/2015 12:50

When I turned 19 (had ds) and was living with my dad, I paid the rent (he is on sick benefits) so had I not been living there/before I turned 18/not been working either at the time, he wouldn't have paid any (it was a reduced rate though). And I paid half of the bills (electric, gas and food). I paid for most of the cleaning stuff and did most of the cleaning (I can see a big difference now I've left lol). I would have felt wrong not doing so. He wasn't getting a great lot of money. I don't know what dp and I will do when ds is older. I think it will depend on our circumstances. I like the idea of taking a set amount of him, and putting some of it into savings for when he moves out. Dad gave me a lot of free lifts and never took petrol money, tons of free childcare, and even now when he has a bit of spare cash, he'll give me the odd £50 to treat myself to something nice (clothes or make-up). Sometimes when a parent charges a teenager a third or half of bills, it's not because their cold hearted, but just because they can't afford not to. Like with us, he would quite happily have put a thick dressing gown on, blanket round himself and left the gas off. But I had to have gas on for my ds (who was mine and dp's responsibility to pay for) so I gladly paid half (when I was probably using more like two thirds). When dp moved in with us, everything was then split 3 ways.

wickedlazy · 02/03/2015 12:51

*they're

RavioliOnToast · 02/03/2015 12:55

I am 22. moved out of my Mams at 18 when I fell pregnant with DD1, I moved in with my bf at the time, I worked full time and also had an evening job when I lived at home, I WISH my mam had charged me to live there. I was such a knob, wasting money left right and center, new clothes, nights out etc, my mam was a single mam and I have a younger brother and sister too, she ever took the money from me because she wanted me.to be able.to treat myself as she'd struggled to when I was growing up. But when I moved out I had no concept of bills, budgeting etc. I appreciate what she did but it didn't prepare me for the big bad world.

wickedlazy · 02/03/2015 13:00

Oh and forgot to say when I moved into this house (last year aged 22) dad bought me my washing machine, and was a star helping decorate the place, even though he was in agony for weeks after.

WeAllHaveWings · 02/03/2015 13:07

When I first started work (26 years ago) I earned around £500/month and my parents asked for £40/week. As a poster said above I knew as an earning adult it was the right thing to do and was proud to contribute to the costs of running our family home (one parent earning and 5 kids they also needed the money!).

When ds(11) is earning he will be paying digs in the same way.

I know it is harder to get on the housing ladder etc nowadays and I have a savings policy setup to help him, which is something I never had, but for day to day living IMO it is right he pays his way wherever he is living.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 02/03/2015 13:15

If we can afford not to charge we won't (although I do like the idea of charging a token amount and saving it. I will expect them to save the same amount.) My mum was very grasping when we started earning. I used to earn less than two pound an hour in my first job. I'd work 4 hours on a Friday evening to begin with. I had to go to the bank personally as I woulnt earn enough to make a machine withdrawal. My mum used to make me buy her 20 cigarettes. When I started my hairdressing apprenticeship I earned £50 a week. I gave her £25 and cigarettes. One time when I was off work with the flu I received no wages at all. I had to ask for a sub from work to give her her "keep". Her reasoning was if she is ill she still has bills to pay.

AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 13:33

tbh, once my teen left college we started saving money as we were supporting her through her course

once we stopped handing over money for equipment, essential travel, public transport fares etc we felt quite flush

we give her no money for anything now, zilch

AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 13:34

oh, and not paying for her attendance on family holidays...seems like we are rich

PeaStalks · 02/03/2015 13:41

I would let him save it all so he doesn't have to work 28 hours a week when he goes to college.

mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2015 13:42

catandstuff sorry for long wait for reply, yes, it is 50% of her jsa as she does the bare mim. of job searching she is 20 and we can't afford to keep her otherwise, and no it's not depression either, she's been checked out by gp and mental health team, she says she can't be bothered to look more than she has to at present. so as we are on a very low income at present she has to pay up. before anyone judges you don't know my situation. so good for you if you don't charge, but most people would expect something for keep. my kids are not entitled to a free ride once they are adultd

AuntieDee · 02/03/2015 13:47

I paid £150 a month going back 15 years - in this day and age it is not unreasonable...

Lancelottie · 02/03/2015 13:49

I don't charge him as I'm a soft touch and he's supposed to be saving for college next year... but I have just vetoed him blueing his savings on a secondhand bus.

pressone · 02/03/2015 15:11

As I said above we "charge" the DCs rent and save it. This idea came from my Mum who did the same for me. I started my first Saturday job at 16 and paid her rent out of that, not long after I started work I started to rent privately (shared houses etc) more for fun, because I was used to budgeting I was the only one who ever had money for food in the last week of the month (sometimes I didn't, but because my mum made me cook the roast on Sundays and 1 other meal a week I was always the one they came to with their scraps of food to pool and make a meal from).

When I eventually went to buy my first house aged 23 Mum gave me the money and interest from my rent over the years (I had no idea she was doing this)this was £3,000 towards my deposit. I had £2,000 saved and was aiming for a 5% deposit, this money meant I had a 10% deposit. Yes my first house cost just under 50K (all relative my first salary when I started full time work was £2995 a year!)

My Mum's life lessons that I grumped and whined about as a teenager (and thought her the meanest Mum in the world) have served me very well.

My sister and DS bought their first houses with beefed up deposits using the same method, and DD bought herself a car to go to Uni and back as this meant she could continue to work part-time. I made her do the calculations to show whether she would be better off using the car or public transport so she had a true idea what a car/tyres/petrol/insurance/tax costs, she moaned at the time but then went on to very smugly show all her friends how to budget.

The bottom line is, if you need the money then they have to pay a fair share, if you don't then only you can decide what is the best parenting style you can adopt regarding rent/chores. I'm really grateful to my Mum for the lessons she taught me and the DCs are grateful to me (and Granny!) - and yes I have told her!

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