to be really hurt by this?

[WhodidyousayIshouldbe]

DD is 7 and has always been a daddy's girl. She will say "daddy is best" and "I only like daddy, not you". I know I shouldn't take it to heart but this week, all she has talked about is how she and her friend from school would like to be sisters and how they would like DH to marry the friend's mum rather than be married to me so they could share a mummy and daddy.

Everyone was laughing about it this afternoon at a party. Ha ha aren't they funny. Well no, actually, they aren't and it's not! I feel really hurt by it. AIBU?

YANBU to be upset OP, but I think you are right where you say she doesn't mean to imply what we as adults would read into what she has said. I also think you are right where you say she simply got caught up in a game with her friend and given that it was a party she was probably 'playing to a crowd' so I think that you are absolutely right not to punish her, for this incident. However, I do think you need to keep an eye on it and address it if it becomes more frequent, as it could be an attempt to play you and DH off against each other, but I don't think it's there now but needs careful watching into puberty.

I have to say though, I would be massively angry at the adults laughing along. I can't bear it when adults treat children as performing monkeys, encouraging them to embarrass themselves and their parents and leading them in to trouble, when they wouldn't accept it from their own children. I think it's so cruel, adults can read cues that kids can't and it is our job to say when they have crossed the line, not push them over it.

I got your humour op :)

Sounds like your talk went well, hope your DP was as good with his.

I don't know if this makes you feel any better, Whodidyousayishouldbe, but my 7 yr old DD prefers her Daddy too. Always has.

She even sent an email to him one day when I had banned TV for some reason, saying " I love you Daddy but today, I really HATE mummy"

He told her (in his reply) that he never wanted to see an email like that from her again and that we're a family, where everyone loves each other.

That told her. No problems since. She doesn't know I know.

She's not a Scorpio is she? Or should I say, she is a Scorpio, isn't she. I've known two little girls like this and they both were Scorpios. I know the horoscope thing is probably a lot of hogwash but it's just weird that the two girls that sound like your daughter were Scorpios.

OP, you say your dd competes with you... What is the competition about? I think that may be the key.

Finn, I'm sorry that I misunderstood. The nuances of the written word aren't always easy to interpret are they?

However, I'm not dismissive of DD's behaviour, I'm employing a coping strategy - humour in this case, to help deal with the hurt. I agree it is manipulative but I think lots of well adjusted 7 year old girls can manipulate things and not necessarily consciously. DD is not deliberately mean or spiteful (as I have witnessed in other children) but she occasionally is hurtful to me. I try not to apply adult intent where young (she is just 7) children are concerned and I think that's what you're doing Finn. She doesn't actually want to swap me, it was a (hurtful) game. I was asking am I right to be hurt or should I rise above it? Almost everyone, including you, has said they too would be hurt. So, I am NBU.

She's Sagittarius for whatever that's worth!?

The competition was a pecking order thing. She went through a stage of trying to exert herself as the top female in the house. Daddy being top dog. Daddy and Mummy jointly put a stop to that and explained that we are equal and we make decisions together and sometimes Daddy's view prevails and sometimes Mummy's view prevails but always by agreement. She gets that and understands that we talk to one another before making bigger decisions. It was little things like sitting in my seat on the sofa (next to Daddy) or in the front of the car if he's driving. I'm going to marry Daddy when I grow up, etc. None of which is that unusual as to be called weird I think.

The more I've discussed it here, the more I've concluded that she didn't understand the implications of her game and she is seeking his attention when he's around and wants one to one time with him. She sees me all the time. "You always hurt the ones you love" as DM would say.

Thank you again for your kindness and advice. Have an early Mothers' Day on me.

...and thank you Fizzy; yes it did help to know I'm not the only one!

It's interesting that you'd call that behaviour competitive. Would you not say she wants her Dad's attention? Why do you think it involves competing with you?

Only because she literally runs for the car to get in the front whilst I'm locking the door. You'd think it was a 100m dash. She will spread herself out on the sofa so there's nowhere for me to sit and then suggests I use the floor or she says she wants food or a drink in such a way as to imply I'm there purely to serve her.

As I say, it is occasional and not necessarily unusual behaviour and DH does remind her that I'm not their slave!

It isn't that she is competing with me for DH, it's more a case of challenging my position in the family pecking order, ie; she tries to treat me as though she and daddy are equals and I'm the maid. I didn't mean to imply anything else, she's just flexing her wings. Heaven help us when she reaches her teens; although I hope we will have worked through it by then.

If she runs for the front seat it doesn't matter. She gets in the back, whether she's there first or not, surely? Same with sofa antics. She should budge up. And asking you to get her drinks etc! Do you get them? Because I wouldn't. Does your dh run about after her?

She gets in the back (unless it's a journey on winding roads because she throws up), she's shifted along the sofa and sent to get her own snack or drink if she can but she tries it on sometimes. She's a trainee teenager.

I think as long as you present a united front, you'll be fine. Its just pushing boundaries, which is totally normal behavior, if a bit off putting.

This thread is bonkers. This is a 7 year old child talking about something fictional.

iniac - I agree.

The child is obviously bright and the dynamic is worrying the mum, why iniac and goldenbeagle is that bonkers? Nothing bonkers here.

What is she like with her class teacher?

YANBU op and it looks like you're sorting it out just fine but like you said you are a human being with feelings not a 'parenting' robot and sometimes you just need a bit of reassurance that how you're feeling is normal even if its not totally rational iyswim.

Tbh, I agree with your DM on this that you 'take for granted' or hurt the ones closest to you because you know they love you unconditionally so as a 7yr old you sort of think you'll get away with it. At least take some comfort that you've been such a good mum she feels secure enough to be mean - but also don't stand for it either

I do find some of the questions I've been asked and the assumptions that have been made to be a bit strange. There are some who seem to be seeking out something sinister in our relationship but I genuinely think she was being unacceptably mean to me and I'm certain she isn't going to turn into a psychopathic serial killer just because she upset me with a game that she and her school friend came up with.

I'm responding to the questions and assumptions because I'm interested in the suggestions that are helpful but, as I said before, I was just looking for a bit of support and advice (maybe AIBU was the wrong place to post) because my feelings were hurt. DD is an only child and so am I. I haven't done this before and kids don't have an instruction manual.

Combine really has hit the nail on the head I think. I definitely never said it was rational!

DD is a really good girl at school and with others. Her teachers and other parents have always talked about how loving, helpful and motherly she is (although a bit bossy, very untidy and easily distracted). She is bright and quite emotionally intelligent within her 7 year old limitations.

Maybe DD did know she was being mean to me but I don't think she knew why she felt the need to be unkind. She expressed herself in a "safe" way with a "safe" person. I think it is likely that the recent change of DH's shifts, DM's ill health and changes in our routine generally are likely to be at the heart of it, although I have taken on board the need to find something "special" for us two to do together.

She and her friends have moved on; yesterday's game was about puppies being saved from Cruella by Supergirl and DD was one of the puppies. Now that is bonkers!