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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just been sterilised...AIBU or should hubby do more?

69 replies

crabbiepattie · 01/03/2015 15:07

I came home, DM had pucked the kids up from school, looked after them, fed them, tidied the house, made tea. Amazing!! She is amazing!!

DH has looked after kids...let me have a lie in and brought me 1 cup of tea in bed...

House is now a tip again...ive tried tidying but my tummy gets sore and painful. So Im sat on the sofa with a hot water bottle. Im day 3 post op BTW.
Kids are bored. Dont know whats going on in the kitchen.
Ive stripped beds annhoovered this morning and nowt was said about me taking it easy or him doing it instead. Just "what are you doing?!" Then he had a go at me for saying it needed doing in an angry way!!

AIBU??? I just want a cup of tea and some toast and to be told to rest up!!!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 01/03/2015 15:12

could you not have told him it needed doing rather than attempting it yourself a bit passive aggressively.

Sit down and take it easy, does it matter if things slip for a day or two?

Original poster
crabbiepattie · 01/03/2015 15:17

Doesnt matter how much I hint at the place being a mess, he'd never do anything.
Plus, all he went on about last night was his "needs" IYSWIM - got what he wanted didnt he!!

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 01/03/2015 15:17

Were the beds wet or something had been spilt on the floor? Ie was it necessary they were done?

DeliciousMonster · 01/03/2015 15:18

Don't hint. Tell.

fatlazymummy · 01/03/2015 15:20

Why do you need to be told to take it easy? If you don't feel up to doing housework then say so. Your partner isn't a mindreader.
Having said that, it's important to move around post op, so I wouldn't spend too long on the settee, for your own benefit.

PacificDogwood · 01/03/2015 15:21

May second DeliciousMonster: Don't hint. Tell.

You must not hoover and make beds.
If you don't do it and he does not do it, it won't get done.
That will do less harm than you doing it and getting angry about it.
Stop.

Sirzy · 01/03/2015 15:21

Don't hint, tell him what needs doing.

Surely stripping beds could have waited though? On the list of must do jobs that is pretty low down.

dementedpixie · 01/03/2015 15:21

I didn't say hint, I said ask him to do it. Was it essential that it was done today?

NerrSnerr · 01/03/2015 15:22

Just tell him. Did the beds and hoovering actually need doing? If you can't do housework then don't, but usually those jobs can wait.

JenniferGovernment · 01/03/2015 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meandjulio · 01/03/2015 15:26

Tell him, once, and then leave it. Myself I would have been keener on him taking the kids out than on him doing nonessential house care - but then you can hear the crunch when you walk on my floors.

I wonder if you'd do best to go and stay somewhere else - at your mums? It's bloody hard, apparently, to sit still in your own house when you are house proud.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 01/03/2015 15:26

I don't know if you had this op done keyhole, but that's how I had it done 20 years ago and (what I was not told at the time) was that I was in a lot of discomfort for two weeks afterwards.

You do need to take it easy if you are in pain. But you need to tell your other half this clearly - not expect him to guess. Only take on what you can and ask for his help. Hoovering and stripping beds sound a bit much. A gentle walk might be more appropriate

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 01/03/2015 15:28

And as for his" needs," well on that walk get him a magazine and give it to him once he's done the chores!

sanquhar · 01/03/2015 15:28

you neeeed rest! i couldn't rest after mine and got an infection so bad i almost ended up in hospital on an anti-biotic drip!

rest rest rest!!!!

Original poster
crabbiepattie · 01/03/2015 15:28

Bed needed stripping. Hoovering probably not.
Just hoped for a bit more TLC than Ive had tbh!

OP posts:
Original poster
crabbiepattie · 01/03/2015 15:30

His "needs" were done by hand! Sorry for TMI!!

OP posts:
fatlazymummy · 01/03/2015 15:35

I was going to ask about the method of surgery. I was sterilised by keyhole, and I had no pain whatsoever. I didn't even need any panadols.
I was told not to lift anything heavy for a couple of days, but TBH I was back to normal the next day.
It's just a matter of getting the balance right OP. Probably hoovering and stripping beds is too much but things like washing dishes is fine. Really Iwould just focus on the basics for a couple od days.
If the kids are bored why not ask your partner to take them out somewhere for a couple of hours?

meandjulio · 01/03/2015 15:37

Just go away somewhere else and let him get on with it.

It sounds as if you find it quite hard to say what you want to your husband.

DeliciousMonster · 01/03/2015 15:37

I am in pain and can't bend or straighten up properly, so I need you to help more.

No - not help! Do.

'I am in pain and you need to do some housework'.

Branleuse · 01/03/2015 15:39

beds didnt need stripping and you could have asked him to hoover. Go back to bed

ConfuddledPickle · 01/03/2015 15:44

Plus, all he went on about last night was his "needs" IYSWIM - got what he wanted didnt he!!

LTB. Now.

Seriously, his 'needs' when you were two days post op? He's a cunt of the highest order op, regardless of how much hoovering he does or doesn't do.

Original poster
crabbiepattie · 01/03/2015 15:49

Hes just taken the kids out for a walk. Im going for a bath. ConfusedConfused

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 01/03/2015 15:50

Yuck. His "needs" need to fuck off.

fatlazymummy · 01/03/2015 15:52

Yeah, I think he could have taken care of his own needs Shock, especially as you 'only' gave him a hand job.
Not going to say 'LTB' or anything like that ,but I think you could be a bit more assertive, OP.

Mandatorymongoose · 01/03/2015 15:54

He seems to have confused 'needs' with 'wants'.

You unfortunately seem to have confused a selfish bastard with a husband.

Stop hinting. Stop doing things you aren't up to. Definitely stop doing things you aren't up for sexually to meet his imaginary needs. Tell him to get off his arse and pull his weight.

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