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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To be feel that some of the public have been mislead and a charity have lost out?

305 replies

JoanHickson · 01/03/2015 13:07

I just had a look at Dax's tale of New York on facebook. I now see the £13k they promised of the publics money to Ronald Mcdonald House isn't going there now. They raised the money by advising the public, funds were to cover medical bills, then they were going to give to the charity.

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assessment · 02/03/2015 08:44

Ok Tough, fair enough. I don't think people would have known about the fb page if they hadn't seen it in the newspaper first though.

I'm not saying what they did was right. I thought it was pretty stupid, which is why I didn't donate.

I just don't see that they've done anything illegal, and I don't see the need to get all frothed about it if you didn't actually donate any money.

Toughasoldboots · 02/03/2015 08:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoanHickson · 02/03/2015 09:30

What interesting timing the release of that statement is.

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LineRunner · 02/03/2015 09:39

assessment, lots of people get frothy on behalf of other people where they think they might have been victims of wrong-doing or abuse.

It's very normal on MN especially. I kind of like that about it.

JoanHickson · 02/03/2015 09:40

Didn't a group of mumsnetters once form a frothing group?

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TheFairyCaravan · 02/03/2015 09:51

The statement release is interesting timing, Joan. Do you think they are searching round for a few rogue pennies down the back of the sofa to donate to the RMH?

JoanHickson · 02/03/2015 10:14

The saddest part of the statement was the routine for Dax. They wanted him to feel comfortable, so took him on a train, to a hotel, TV studio full of people, days after his release from hospital. Not to mention all the press they had to their home. Clearly we can see wjich family members needs really are being met by those parents and where the baby and his needs come. I agree, Katie could do with some advice from Anyfucker.

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JoanHickson · 02/03/2015 10:57

I waa just wondering if the health visitor had a word with the parents about poor parenting.

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ChristyMooreRocks · 02/03/2015 12:09

These are my questions:

  1. why couldn't relatives have sent the vast majority of stuff over by post? Clothes, home comforts etc? It would have cost a bit, but relatively little, and they could have sucked it up in the way that people have to when things don't go to plan.

  2. why do they need money to get 'things for Dax'? How would they have paid for 'things for Dax' if he had been born at 40+1 in Skeggy? Surely anything particular related to the fact he was premature would come under 'medical bills'.

  3. why do they keep on saying that they will be making a donation to RMH - they have been saying this for bloody months now? They have got the funds, surely it's a case of pressing a few buttons on a computer and hey presto, RMH will be thousands of pounds better off. Why do they keep stalling?

What. A. Crock. Of. Shit.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 02/03/2015 12:41

So they're going to post a letter confirming they've donated are they??

Going by previous events, I guess that may involve a scanned copy of the RMH logo and some creative input from their friend Richard ... Hmm

Nerf · 02/03/2015 13:02

Fgs Joan what a stupid comment. Poor parenting? Because he went on a train? Really scraping the barrel there.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/03/2015 13:02

Christy - several people suggested either air-freighting clothes etc out to them, or getting them taken over there - and an air stewardess even offered to take out a suitcase full of clothes for them - but these offers were never even acknowledged, let alone taken up. Buying new was the only option, it seemed.

I do accept that they would have needed to buy some things for the baby - being born so early would have meant he needed smaller clothes - but they wouldn't have needed the big-ticket items, like a buggy, cot, car seat etc until he was fit to be discharged, so there was no urgency to acquiring them. And as it turned out, he was airlifted back to the UK, and went straight into hospital here, so there would have been no need whatsoever for any of these items in the US.

If I were them, I would be making all the accounts to do with this fundraising public. I would want to show exactly how much had been raised, and to itemise any expenditure that had been made (as much as is practical), so I could show how much was left over, to go to charity. I would hate to think that people might suspect that I was diverting the money to other uses (people have mentioned them buying white goods, for example - I'd want to show that that hadn't come from the money raised).

They aren't going to have kept perfect records - they did have other, more important stuff going on at the time - but it would not be too hard for them, or a knowledgeable friend, to put together a set of accounts.

I do accept that people gave their money of their own free will. But if their decision to donate was based on a false premise (that the baby's medical bills were not going to be covered by the insurance), or if the money was not just used for essential purchases, and covering their basic expenses at home in the UK, but also for them to have a bit of a spending spree - how is that fair to the people who donated? Would they necessarily have donated if they had known that the money wasn't going to be spent on essentials/medical bills?

The fact that the one person who did ask for her donation back was subjected to a storm of abuse, and threats does not look good - and may well have put others off asking for their donations back.

I think crowd funding, and charity fundraising are good things - but when a story like this comes up, that raises so many questions about the way the money raised was spent, and whether it has been spent as the donors would have expected, it could tarnish other fundraising efforts by making people more suspicious and less likely to donate. That can't be a good thing.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/03/2015 13:07

Nerf - I would hope, and assume, that they took medical advice before taking Dax on the train - due to the risk of exposing him to possible infection. I do know of other parents of premature babies who have been advised to keep their baby away from crowds until they are much older - maybe a year or more - to prevent them picking up an infection that would be so much more dangerous for them than for a full term baby the same age.

If they were advised to avoid crowded situations, and took the baby on the train anyway, so they could do the media interview - that would not be stellar parenting.

JoanHickson · 02/03/2015 13:14

I wouldn't take a preterm a few days after a hospital release into all those public spaces. I would have stayed at home getting into a routine. I would have spoken to the hospital and insurance company on the first day before informing the DM and I wouldn't have taken public funds to buy myself fresh under pants.

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TheFairyCaravan · 02/03/2015 13:26

The nursery has been ready since before they went to NYC according to this (sorry it's the Fail) so they shouldn't have had any or many big purchases.

They say in that article they want to get Dax bigger to take him back to America, bet that'll be paid for from donations!

Cariad007 · 02/03/2015 13:27

I had honestly never heard of this couple until I stumbled upon this thread but some things definitely don't sound right. Surely if they were expecting a baby they'd have put money aside for big things like a cot and pram? And I have NEVER heard of a breast pump that costs £2k! How would a pump for premature babies differ from a regular pump? I'd have thought the only thing that would differ would be the bottle you'd feed a premature baby with, surely the pumping action would be the same as with any pump?

assessment · 02/03/2015 13:28

Maybe you wouldn't Joan, but just because someone else does, doesn't necessarily make them wrong, or a poor parent.

Icimoi · 02/03/2015 13:35

They will have had expenses to meet in the uk whilst they weren't working eg mortgage, council tax, water rates as well.

But they'd have had those expenses to meet if they were in the UK, and if anything they were saving money as they weren't having to pay for food, laundry etc. Yes, the father couldn't work, but that was his choice. Most people in that situation work on the basis that, however hard it is, one of them is going to have to go back to work whilst the other stays with the baby.

ChristyMooreRocks · 02/03/2015 13:36

From the comments on the Facebook page, those who have donated dont come across as the brightest bulbs in the tanning bed, and just don't appear to have given much thought to what their money is actually being spent on. I guess that is what the parents are relying on, not being questioned too deeply by those who actually donated.

assessment · 02/03/2015 13:38

fwiw I think you're right Christy, but what can you do?

A fool and his money, etc etc.

IQ testing before being certified to donate money to strangers perhaps? ;)

JoanHickson · 02/03/2015 13:50

The charity commission has rules to protect the vulnerable from scams. Or referred to "fools and the low IQ" by some here.

This is a case of the law needs an update.

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ChristyMooreRocks · 02/03/2015 13:57

As a slight aside, the thing I found most shocking about their appearance on This Morning last week was Marvin Hume's terrible English. He kept saying 'was' instead of 'were' - 'so when you was in New York' etc, aaaaarrgghhhh!

I mean, I know This Morning isn't exactly highbrow or anything, but you would think they would employ presenters who have a basic grasp of the English language wouldn't you?!

WayfaringStranger · 02/03/2015 14:01

People chose to donate, even after it became apparent that medical bills were covered. There have also been plenty of comments stating that people are happy for their money to cover general family costs. Honestly, you may think that's foolish and that the parents are exploiting people's kindness but it's not illegal or misleading. People do all sorts of strange things and we can't police them for it.

JoanHickson · 02/03/2015 14:09

Fifty out of twenty thousand plus are ok with it.

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assessment · 02/03/2015 14:12

how do you know that Joan?