to ask what arrangements you made when having second child?

[mommy2ash]

who took care of your first child and for how long.?

my sister had a baby on Thursday and is being kept in till Tuesday due to complications. I have had their first child who is just under two since then. she is pretty upset as she doesn't understand where this new baby has come from or why she isn't at home. I haven't said anything to my sister as she has enough to be doing. I text her boyfriend asking him to come get his little girl and he said he is too busy they will get her Tuesday when my sister Is out of the hospital.

he isn't at the hospital all the time by the way I went up yesterday at four and he hadn't been up yet.

is it normal to expect a small child to be away from home so long? my dd is an only child so I have no experience of this

Ds1 was picked up after bed time when I went into labour with Ds2. He was away 2 nights and brought to the hospital ready for my discharge so he could see where I was and come home with the new baby. It was a bit of a run around as he'd been taken on guide camp, something that we'd packed and taken into account as best as we could, given the clash of EDD and the camp.

DH spent both my times in hospital either with me, sorting supplies, cleaning the house (which I couldn't do with SPD by the end) or sleeping off all nighter labours.

Had my second stay been longer, he would have collected Ds1 at the end of the camp on day 3. DS was happy with his adventure there, and had been prepared for going away and that baby would be born soon.

Sounds like the DF in this case is being a selfish, lazy, arse.

Oh and in answer to your actual question about arrangements for having th second one, I stayed at home through the early stages of labour, dmil picked dd1 up when thinks were getting to the 'obviously in pain' time. We went into hospital as late as possible, had dd2 and came home later the same day. Admittedly I was lucky to have an easy delivery, but having lovely time with the new baby was much lower on my list than keeping things steady for dd1 and having our whole family together.

Oh wow. Poor niece No real help to offer of course but I can understand why you would be hesitant to drop off your niece anywhere when no one seems to be receptive at the moment.

When DC2 was born, DC1 was a similar age it to your niece. We had arranged in advance for various people to help in different scenarios. I went to hospital late night and in this case we had a friend to stay overnight and be with DC1 until lunchtime. MIL then came and took over. I gave birth around lunchtime, once I was on the ward DH got me some food and then went back home to MIL and DC1. Apart from the middle bit (the intense contractions and pushing out DC2!), I spent most of my time thinking about DC1 and hoping he was okay. Texting friend and MIL asking for updates, reminding them where the snacks were, being generally fussy. I was relieved for DH to get back home, DC1 is happy with the friend and MIL but we both wanted DH to be back with him for a little normality. When I was discharged DH picked me up with DC2, we got home, and set about balancing our time between the two, as you do.

So in summary, no, this doesn't sound like the normal way of going about things, and amazingly presumptive to expect you to have your niece for such a long stay without properly agreeing it in advance.

My parents took our 1st DC overnight for one night when I was in hospital giving birth to 2nd DC. They brought him into the hospital at 10am the next day and "handed him over" and left.

That has been the sum total extent of our family help. We've since moved 6000 miles away and still do everythign on our own.

I did nothing with DC1. DC1 helped DC2 be born.

But in your case, he seems to be being a dick, but I suspect I would keep the child, for that very reason.

Your poor niece :( this all sounds so unsettling for her.

DS was 16 months when we had DD. We arranged early on that he would stay overnight at MIL's and did a few practice runs before.

We called MIL when I was in labour, and she collected him (early evening) DD arrived in the middle of the night. MIL brought DS up to the hospital the next morning. She also had him for DDs first night at home, then brought him home the morning after. DS adores MIL and had a far better time with her than he would have had with us.

That said this was all properly agreed and planned beforehand. Had I been kept in longer then DS would have been at home with my OH. As it was OH went home after DD was born as he'd been up since 5am and done a 60mile cycle ride he was knackered bless him. And he needed to let the dog out for a wee!

I hope everything resolves OP xxx

Soo sad for the little girl.
I'm very sad that your sister has had a complicated birth but I'm sadder that your niece's father hasn't considered her feelings at all.
This is really upsetting.
I think SS might be interested.
Basically, niece's father has abandoned her and at the moment isn't being much of a father to the new baby (refusing to take up clothes, seriously?).
Give the little girl lots of cuddles. Poor little thing.
Are there any grandparents around? Or are they the sort of couple who fall out with anyone at the drop of a hat?

Hope everything has settled down a bit, and everyone is feeling better and enjoying the new baby...

How awful for your poor niece. The boyfriend sounds like a dick. Too busy lying in bed?

In answer to your question, my Mum did come and stay with us for a week. BUT she looked after dc1 (5) while I was in labour as dh was with me. He then went home in the evening after dc2 was born at teatime (they would have let him stay but I thought he should see dc1). He then came back the next morning with dm and dc1. They waited with me - going out to the park briefly - until I was discharged and we all went home together. Dm then stayed with us but obviously wasn't in sole charge of dc1. Dh was doing cooking and stuff alot and sharing some of the night time stuff as baby wouldn't lie in moses basket at first. But obviously he spent time with dc1 too swapping roles with dm as and when (she didn't do the nights of course!).

Dc1 also spent time with me and baby but I get that your sister's case is different as she is in hospital.

We really struggled when ds2 was born prematurely and we lived abroad and didn't know hardly anyone to ask. When I actually went into labour one of our few friends had ds1 for a few hours ( he was 18months). I remember struggling in intensive care with a newborn and trying to watch my toddler too as my dh had to go back to work. Fortunately they had these volunteer granny figures who came to take ds1 to the park for a few hours , they were a huge help. After a few days his normal nursery was able to take him more hours and we coped. looking back it was a horrible stressful time.