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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my friend's dd shopping to buy her mum a mother's day gift?

53 replies

listsandbudgets · 01/03/2015 00:50

Friend is a single mum of 3 children (2, 6 and 9). Her ex is rubbish (and that's being very polite ) There are no grandparents involved either. Her oldest is in my DD's class and is worrying about mother's day. She's made a necklace and a card but dd says she really wants to get her mum some chocolates as she thinks she deserves something nice as she works very hard and always gives the nice stuff to them. (both true)

Would it be unreasonable to invite friends dd for a playdate before mothers day, give her £10 and take her to the shops to choose her mum something?

OP posts:
Onlygirlinmyhouse1 · 01/03/2015 00:55

What a generous gesture to do for your friend & I'm sure she would be extremely touched that you cared enough to help her dc do something nice for their mum.

Weebirdie · 01/03/2015 01:00

Do it Smile

catsofa · 01/03/2015 01:06

Yes, that's a lovely idea!

AlpacaMyBags · 01/03/2015 01:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldfishCrackers · 01/03/2015 01:09

Lovely idea. Do it.

AdeleNazeem · 01/03/2015 01:11

I'm a lone parent; have done the same thing for lone friends and had it done for me. it meant the world; it can be a very painful day as a single parent

brilliant idea

nomoneyhoney1 · 01/03/2015 01:11

YAB hugely U. What an AWFUL thing of you to to!!!! How dare you????!!?? Absolutely shocking. So rude.

Oh. Hold on.... Actually YANBU, but you already knew that.

AlpacaMyBags · 01/03/2015 01:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhyHasTheGinGone · 01/03/2015 01:29

NotBU At all. That's a lovely idea, you're a wonderful friend :)

AmyElliotDunne · 01/03/2015 01:32

That's a great idea. My dcs will probably want to get me something but unless ex pulls his finger out and actually takes them out I will be lucky to get a bag of haribo! I do buy them something for him and once they remind and pester him enough he'll remember, but it would be lovely to have a friend who wanted to do that with them to prevent the uncertainty!

It's not really about me getting something, it's about them wanting to give it, so it really doesn't matter what it is or how much it costs, they just want the opportunity to do something nice.

My DP makes sure his dcs get their mum something and for the past couple of years has taken them all out for Mother's Day lunch. I think he feels a bit like he's treading on ex's toes if he does something for me, so it's awkward and, like your friend, I don't have parents around to facilitate anything.

Your friend is lucky to have you x

Lweji · 01/03/2015 01:38

You sound like a great friend.

You know what, I would have loved if someone had a similar thought in my family.

Ludoole · 01/03/2015 04:26

What a lovely idea!

TheChickenSituation · 01/03/2015 04:52

It's a lovely idea!

Why are you doubting yourself - are we missing something?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/03/2015 06:09

That would be lovely for mum and daughter. Do it.

Hissy · 01/03/2015 07:31

As a single mum myself, I'd really appreciate that.

Thanks so much for being such a kind and wonderful friend!

MrsHathaway · 01/03/2015 07:42

The only possible objection I could see would be if there might be sensitivity about the money.

Otherwise I think it's a lovely idea.

Superherosidekick · 01/03/2015 07:52

Lovely idea.
The only thing I would suggest is spending less than £10 as the mum may feel uncomfortable if can't pay that back but feels she should. It's the gesture that counts so just a few pounds on a small box of chocs.

Hakluyt · 01/03/2015 07:57

Lovely idea- I have done similar. But I would go with a fiver rather than £10. You can get a lovely little box of chocolates and a bunch of daffodils for £5, and it doesn't seem such a "big" thing, if you see what I mean.

Mehitabel6 · 01/03/2015 08:03

Sounds lovely! I think that I might go for £5 though.

greeneggsandjam · 01/03/2015 08:16

I think its a nice idea too but I would also wonder if she would see it as some kind of charity case. I wonder if instead, you could buy some chocolate and moulds and kind of get them to make their own chocolate/chocolate truffles and wrap them up? Perhaps it would seem more like an activity they did during the play together rather than you going out and spending money because you feel sorry for them if you see what I mean?

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 01/03/2015 10:40

Thanks all of you.

Yes it was the money sensitivity / charity case thing I was worried about. I will go with a fiver and top it up a little bit if necessary. Love idea greeneegsandjam but I'm not very confident myself with that sort of thing so they would end up being vile!

Off to arrange a play date :)

OP posts:
ILovePud · 01/03/2015 10:44

I think that's a lovely idea, however I can understand how some people are very sensitive about money or a suggestion that they are a 'charity case' you know your friend best do you think she might take offence or feel indebted to you in a way which may make her uncomfortable?

musicalendorphins2 · 01/03/2015 10:50

I agree on helping her make/bake something, but since you are not into that idea, how about letting your dd and her friend "earn" some money then take them out to spend it. They can earn it by doing something like helping you decorate some cookies, or polishing the furniture, or folding tea towels or something? So she will feel like it really is from "her", rather than "you".

Firsttheyignoreyou · 01/03/2015 10:53

I had a friend who used to do this for my birthday and christmas and it made me feel very lucky and very loved. She was a big one for showing people they were cared for, got a massive kick out of doing presents and I knew she wasn't being patronising but just including us in her love-of-life and sharing. Go for it. Enjoy doing it. It will teach both girls about thinking about others and one way we show people we care. Lovely, lovely idea.

ElsaLitcha · 01/03/2015 10:54

Aww that is a lovely idea!