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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about this nurse?

78 replies

askyfullofstars · 28/02/2015 06:43

I had my asthma check with my nurse. My asthma is fine at the moment, its just triggered by allergens mostly.
Anyway, the nurse told me that I was overweight and so I should get that under control and that would also help. I agreed and told her that 18ish months ago I was xx stone. Now I am xx stone. I have lost six and a half stone so I am aware of my problem and Im well on the way to fixing it.
She said its not really a reason to celebrate as according to my BMI I still have 3-4 stone to go.
I said I know, Im working on it, and also, I've worked really hard to get where I am so I feel really proud. She just rolled her eyes.
Anyway I go to the gym 4-5 times a week, I do a lot of cardio but add in a couple of rounds of weights. I also mix it up with classes and every Friday I do yoga.
Anyway, was at yoga class, stood on one leg, focussed on a point in the mirror. All I could see was myself, and I just kept thinking, "you are a fat bitch really, look at your wobbles" and honestly it made me want to cry. I did when I got out the class.
I am now a size 14 (sixteen on top as Ive massive norks) from a 20-22 and havent thought of myself as fat or wobbly in ages, but I cant shake that bloody eyeroll.
WIBU to complain and suggest she tries to be more personable? Or am I being oversensitive? After all, shes not wring I am overweight.

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 28/02/2015 06:46

Yes, complain. That is a pathetic way to speak to a patient. You're a size 14 now, that's absolutely amazing! What a horrid insensitive person.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/02/2015 06:48

Yes definitely complain.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/02/2015 06:49

She should never eye roll at a patient either.

Ps well done Thanks

McKayz · 28/02/2015 06:49

I'd complain. You've done brilliantly. I need to lose a similar amount, I'm 1 stone down and when I saw my GP last week he thought it was great.

Imnotaslimjim · 28/02/2015 06:49

Gosh yes put in a complaint. That's no way to speak to a patient! You've achieved an incredible thing, be proud of it

VeryVeryDarkGrey · 28/02/2015 06:50

I dont know if i would complain but she definitely sounds like a nasty bitch. You have done amazingly well to lose that much weight and it most definitely is a cause to celebrate. Its not easy to stay motivated and if she couldnt say anything nice then she should have just left it after yoh said how much you had lost.

Actually fuck it I would speak to someone at the surgery about her

Rhymerocket · 28/02/2015 06:55

I am a nurse!
You SHOULD complain.
She's a nasty bitch and there are too many of them in the job.
What a cow!
OMG I am so impressed by your weight loss in a year!!!! You are amazing.

Please don't let that cowbag hinder your progress xx

Stillyummy · 28/02/2015 07:04

Complain. Your are so strong (I can tell as you have come so far) and this made you wobble, immagine the affect she could have had if you wernt so strong.
Also, you have done so well, you should be nothing but proud of yourself.

Original poster
askyfullofstars · 28/02/2015 07:08

Thanks for the reassurances. I just didnt know if I was being a bit oversensitive, after all she's not wrong I do still have weight to lose.
But, by the same token I should also try and block that eyeroll and get back on it.

OP posts:
BlinkAndMiss · 28/02/2015 07:13

What a bitch! Definitely complain, you're not upset that she pointed out that you still have weight to lose. You're upset because she belittled you didn't acknowledge the changes you had already made, what were you supposed to do? Magically shed the excess weight right there in front of her? The main problem with her behaviour is the psychological effect she has had on you and possibly on other patients, once you've suffered with low self esteem it doesn't take much to knock you down again. Being knocked like that can have serious implications on your health - anxiety, eating disorders. You told her you'd been addressing your weight in a healthy manner, her eye roll suggested that this wasn't good enough. It then impacted on how you felt doing an activity that had previously made you feel good - that could have put you off completely or even provoked unhealthy weight loss habits. I know it takes more than once nasty bitch to case an eating disorder but it can lead to crash dieting which is very unhealthy.

As a nurse she has a duty of care - she has not demonstrated that care with you at all. Write a letter to the practice manager and insist that she is dealt with.

MsRaspberryJam · 28/02/2015 07:16

I would complain.

But whatever you do, please remember that you should be proud of yourself. Don't let a cow like her spoil your achievement.

MissDuke · 28/02/2015 07:21

She IS wrong! It is well known that even a 10% weight loss is something to celebrate as it can vastly improve health! She is a bitch, without question. Personally I would see the GP in the future and avoid her.

As an aside, I lost a similar amount of weight 6 years ago and attended a nurse facilitated weight loss clinic at my surgery - it only ran for a short time, but the nurse still raves about my success when I see her in the surgery - don't think it was running long enough to have had any other success stories. Weight loss is blooming hard and should always be 'celebrated' - ignore her, you are amazing!!!!!

TendonQueen · 28/02/2015 07:24

Complain. She is wrong, because she said a SIX STONE weight loss was nothing to celebrate (how wrong can you be?) when that in itself will have had a massive difference to your health, even if your BMI isn't spot on. As someone working with patients trying to lose weight, she is completely wrong about how to speak to them and motivate them. And that means people who are less focused than you will suffer when they see her. I would tell the practice manager that she's doing a poor job of advising and supporting patients. Well done - your weight loss is a great achievement and I bet you look terrific. Flowers

MadeinSouthWest · 28/02/2015 07:29

Wow you have done amazing!

Sadly over the years I have concluded that some people go into nursing because they want to bully.

If it were me I would complain and say that what I wish to achieve from the complaint is to never have to cross paths with her again. Ie, any future appoints to be with someone different.

Good luck with how you choose to des with this and all the best for your continued weight loss journey.

fromparistoberlin73 · 28/02/2015 07:31

You have done amazingly and should be proud

I just do t think she sounds like an empathetic or especially emotionally intelligent person

And nurse with an ounce of sense would have massively congratulated you

X

Moniker1 · 28/02/2015 07:34

I think some people become nurses because they think they will be seen as kind, dedicated people - when in fact they are anything but.

When someone tells me they are a nurse I do usually feel some admiration for them.

TheCowThatLaughs · 28/02/2015 07:34

Yes complain, she sounds like she was deliberately trying to upset you. Well done on your weight loss that's a real achievement! She shouldn't have belittled that

Bakeoffcake · 28/02/2015 07:37

Yes you should complain. You have achieved an amazing amount if weight loss. Any normal person would have been so impressed with what you've done this year.
I'm also just wandering what she says to people who haven't managed to motivate themselves like you. She needs to be picked up in this.

redexpat · 28/02/2015 07:56

6 stone?! Thats incredibly good going, well done you!

RedButtonhole · 28/02/2015 08:07

6 stone is fantastic, well done to you!

I have yo-yoed over the past couple of years and have a similar amount to lose. I would be over the moon if I had done as well as you.

The nurse should be supportive and encouraging, not belittling you and your (amazing!) acheivement so far.

winewolfhowls · 28/02/2015 08:10

Wow you have done fabulously but most importantly you will be healthy on the inside with all your exercise. I am jealous of your willpower

Idefix · 28/02/2015 08:19

Fabulous weightloss op!

YANBU I would write a letter to the practice manager. Really hate people like this! I would never do this to any of my pts. This nurse needs to be made aware that it is not acceptable for her to behave in this way.

Deliaskis · 28/02/2015 08:29

You should complain, not only was she not demonstrating good people/patient skills, she was also wrong. Yes she was. You may still be overweight, but your fantastic achievement is already benefiting your general health in a number of ways. You must have seen/read how even a smallish weight loss (or e.g. 10 per cent of your body weight) benefits your general health. Yes, you can lose more and be even more healthy but please, when you think about that eye roll, please try and think that it did nothing but demonstrate her ignorance and lack of understanding of the process and the benefits you are already enjoying. In this case, you know better, you really do.

SweetValentine · 28/02/2015 08:33

Complain then you can move on and give her no more space in your mind

Aeroflotgirl · 28/02/2015 08:36

She sounds awful,complain. You have lost lots of weight and are still doing so and keeping fit. Well done you, it dosent happen over night!