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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about this nurse?

78 replies

askyfullofstars · 28/02/2015 06:43

I had my asthma check with my nurse. My asthma is fine at the moment, its just triggered by allergens mostly.
Anyway, the nurse told me that I was overweight and so I should get that under control and that would also help. I agreed and told her that 18ish months ago I was xx stone. Now I am xx stone. I have lost six and a half stone so I am aware of my problem and Im well on the way to fixing it.
She said its not really a reason to celebrate as according to my BMI I still have 3-4 stone to go.
I said I know, Im working on it, and also, I've worked really hard to get where I am so I feel really proud. She just rolled her eyes.
Anyway I go to the gym 4-5 times a week, I do a lot of cardio but add in a couple of rounds of weights. I also mix it up with classes and every Friday I do yoga.
Anyway, was at yoga class, stood on one leg, focussed on a point in the mirror. All I could see was myself, and I just kept thinking, "you are a fat bitch really, look at your wobbles" and honestly it made me want to cry. I did when I got out the class.
I am now a size 14 (sixteen on top as Ive massive norks) from a 20-22 and havent thought of myself as fat or wobbly in ages, but I cant shake that bloody eyeroll.
WIBU to complain and suggest she tries to be more personable? Or am I being oversensitive? After all, shes not wring I am overweight.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/02/2015 12:30

Did she have a record of your weight/weight loss in front of her?

It's just it sounds as though she didn't really believe you

Or that's what I got from your OP anyway.

lilac26 · 28/02/2015 12:31

NMC Code 2008

You must treat people kindly and considerately

You must support people in caring for themselves to improve and maintain their health

You must recognise and respect the contribution that people make to their own care and wellbeing

You must keep your knowledge and skills up to date throughout your working life

You must uphold the reputation of your profession at all times

The code changes at the end of March, but I don't think they are going to ask us to stop doing the above!

ChilliAndMint · 28/02/2015 12:36

I would not complain even though she really does sound vile.
You have a achieved so much and have every right to be cross, however, if you were to complain ,there would be a long drawn out investigation and I fear the stress could be more injurious to your health.

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2015 12:39

The thing is, if you complain, how can you prove an eye roll?

It's your word against hers

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 28/02/2015 12:39

OP, you sound like your about the same size as me but 100 times healthier. Don't let her put you in a bad mind set, you have done amazingly. The important thing is to be healthy, that does not mean being a size 8 you know. As long as you feel good about yourself (which you should after an amazing weight loss like yours!), and your health is good, that's all that matters.

ragged · 28/02/2015 12:42

ps: genuine curious.
Do you feel that your asthma has improved a lot with the extra exercise & lifestyle changes & weight loss? Are you seeing benefits?

LakeOfDreams · 28/02/2015 12:42

6 stone is an amazing achievement and more importantly you realised it was a problem and you are addressing it. You are a whole lot healthier now than a year ago and that is definitely worth celebrating.

Sounds like this nurse has lost her communication skills somewhere along the line.

demonchilde · 28/02/2015 12:55

I'd complain. A nurses job is to support and encourage you, not patronise and be rude.

Well done on the weight loss, that can't have been easy.

NobodyLivesHere · 28/02/2015 13:00

She's a massive cunt. Complain.

livefastlove · 28/02/2015 13:02

You have done brilliantly to lose 6 stone and get so fit, OP. Even if you had only lost a smaller amount she should have been encouraging. I would say if she is this rude and unfeeling to you maybe it is already known in the practise that she is not very nice and they would deal with your complaint sympathetically.

hedwig2001 · 28/02/2015 13:12

Another Nurse here. I have lost 3.5 stone since last June. I would have felt really hurt too. I would definitely complain. Her attitude was really poor.

Original poster
askyfullofstars · 28/02/2015 13:20

Thanks everyone (no idea I was still getting replies). I think I will write a letter.
I just think, I am a fairly strong and determined person generally and it gave me a wobble. What if I was more vulnerable (dont know if thats the right word)?
needabumchange There is no way I can get complacent. Its not so much about losing weight as setting a good example/starting good eating and exercise habits for my DS.
windchime not that it matters but I was 21 stone 1 pound. Im now a little over 14 and a half stone. I didnt put it in my OP because I was ashamed that I got that heavy.
To the pp who asked about my asthma....it really hasnt made much difference as my asthma was triggered by allergies, but, my overall health has improved leaps and bounds. I no longer get ill as much, I can play with DS more and do more with him, my joints no longer suffer,Im not as tired all the time but I sleep better and have more energy.

OP posts:
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 28/02/2015 14:28

askyfullofstars You have done and incredible job at loosing the weight and I hope you are very proud of yourself - the nurse was utterly out of order and someone who was in a worse place than you/lacked your willpower/was particularly vulnerable could have easily slipped back into self destructive behavior as a result of her comments - so she was highly unprofessional.

Please do report her, I strongly suspect that someone with that attitude will already be known to her superiors, but if people don't feed back she won't be disciplined and her behavior will continue to damage.

highkickindandy · 28/02/2015 14:38

you have done really well, congratulations.

Think about what you want from a complaint - will you be happy with a "sorry you're upset, we are working to improve our standards" generic canned response as that's probably what you'll get, along with statistics showing you still are overweight. The eye roll and attitude will be your word against hers. Sorry, it's up to you what you do, but you may find it's not worth wasting more thought on.

(DOI work in health care but not a nurse)

Butternutwash · 28/02/2015 14:47

Op Thanks Thanks. The nurse was out of order but I have met the type, in fact the health visitor at my local weighing clinic was just like that today.

Be kind to yourself, there will always be people who are fill of sh** or have no interpersonal skills. However, I think a well worded letter outlining that the nurse failed to be supportive is not a bad idea if you can be bothered. This nurse has probably form of this type of behaviour and if lots of patients raised this with the surgery / hospital, she would at least get a talking too.

Maybe she just had a bad day but ime people like that treat everyone in this dismissive and nasty manner, their friends, family, spices and children. You are lucky that you don't have to spend any more time with her.

blankgaze · 28/02/2015 14:57

I'd have a word with the practise manager and say people in your situation need encouragement not tutting at.

Well done you so far, you're an inspiration!! Flowers

FranTan · 28/02/2015 15:06

Urgh! Disgusting behaviour!

You should complain, it won't just be you she has been a bitch to.

congrulations on your achievement!

Bigbadgeorge · 28/02/2015 15:16

6 stone? Wow that's amazing, well done!

Yuk eye rolls get under my skin too. It's such an insidious thing to do as it takes you by surprise and is hard to respond to at the time so then it replays in your head later. What a cow.
Report her then put it behind you and continue with your awesome progress.

Boofy27 · 28/02/2015 15:44

You've done amazingly well, congratulations. Your nurse sounds like a miserable bully and I'm delighted to hear that you are going to complain, someone like that would have sent me straight to the cake tin.

anonymousforonepost · 28/02/2015 15:54

I'm a Practice Nurse and I would've congratulated you, explained the health benefits and encouraged you. Eye rolling is unprofessional and unnecessary.

But please be aware; sometimes we are really pushed, have patients with massive clinical needs and although we do our best we're not saints.
Give her the benefit of the doubt, she might have just had a really tricky session.

RandomNPC · 28/02/2015 16:17

Yes, complain. She should be encouraging you and congratulating you on how well you have done. What a cow.

RandomNPC · 28/02/2015 16:19

anonymous, I'm a nurse too. We all get pressurised. Tricky session or not, doesn't give her the excuse to behave as she did. If they aren't suited to it, they shouldn't be in the job.

FatCunt · 28/02/2015 16:30

I'm in the same boat; lost seven stone in just under a year, now hovering at the healthy weight/overweight borderline on the BMI chart but could do with dropping another couple of stone. I have had nothing but support, encouragement and congratulations at every step of the way from doctors and nurses. I don't think a formal complaint is warranted but I would certainly feed back to the practice as her attitude is counterproductive, to say the least the maungy cow.

toothlessoldhag · 28/02/2015 16:33

Size 14 is fantastic (that's my size by the way and I'd be outraged to be thought of as fat). The average size is 16 so you're below average and clearly losing in a healthy, steady way. I only wish I had your dedication to exercise. Do complain, but don't take those comments to heart!

Moniker1 · 01/03/2015 06:18

My first reaction was yes, you should complain.

But the issue then is every time you visit the clinic you'll wonder if you are going to bump into her, or if you are now branded as a troublemaker.

If the above is not going to be an issue then complain but if you are going to end up prolonging your annoyance then maybe don't bother.