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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider having baby at 27? Will this kill my career?

86 replies

maybebaby007 · 26/02/2015 19:20

DH and I would love to have a baby soon. I'm 27. We have been married a few years, financially comfortable, own a house. We have travelled a lot, been to uni and done further professional qualifications, worked a few years and now feel ready for the next stage of our lives together.If possible we would like 3-4 children spaced a few years apart so don't want to leave it too much longer and at the moment our parents are in good health. Lots of reasons for now being a good time.

DH 100% thinks we should go for it but I keep going back and forwards because I'm worried how it would impact my career. I'm in quite a senior management role. I have worked really hard to get where I am and have been in my industry for 5 years, at company for 3 years and in current role for 1 year. I would fully intend to return to work following maternity leave and continue to progress. But any women in similar positions in the organisation haven't had children until their 30s and I'm worried I would be judged and seen as less dedicated to my role if I took maternity leave at this point.

A part of me feels ridiculous for thinking 27 is too young as in my parents' generation it would be totally average but it seems really young in comparison to the norm for women in my industry and social circle which seems to be 35-40. For the past year or so we have kept setting dates only for me to get cold feet and push it back when it gets close because it's a bad time at work, opportunities for me to take on extra responsibility etc. But realistically there will never be a good time at work and if I put it off a few years there is a chance I would be in a more senior role and it would be even harder.

Is a year in my current role long enough? Is 27 too young and what would you honestly think of someone in your workplace if they had a child at this age?

OP posts:

Nannyplum2015 · 26/02/2015 19:22

Totally do it! There is never a 100% perfect time. You may not fall pregnant straight away so that may push things back anyway.

VulvaVoom · 26/02/2015 19:22

Personally, I wouldnt bat an eyelid I think your question could also apply to any age.

NobodyLivesHere · 26/02/2015 19:24

Do it, you never know what life may throw at you, if I'd waited til I was 27 I'd have no children. Careers are important, but so is your personal life.

Mixtape · 26/02/2015 19:25

I had DS1 at 26 and went back to work when I was 27, my career has actually progressed hugely since (I have had another DS as well) although this might be the sector I am in (charity).

TarkaTheOtter · 26/02/2015 19:25

Sadly it will probably impact your career whenever you do it. Personally I'd say the earlier the better but I don't think there is any right way.

DisappointedOne · 26/02/2015 19:25

I realised when pregnant with DD (aged 32) and seeking promotion that I'd pretty much destroyed my hopes of any career development from that point on for a significant period of time.

I had spent 14 years building my career, but I knew I wouldn't want to go back full time while DD was small. And nobody was going to promote me while I was part time. (This was in the civil service.)

I applied for voluntary redundancy and left instead.

Laquila · 26/02/2015 19:26

I'd get cracking now! You both sound very mature and ready. I understand your fears but there is legislation in place to protect against discrimination, although how effective it is is another matter.

CalleighDoodle · 26/02/2015 19:26

I think it depends what hours you do.

Say that the nursery hours are 8am until 5.45pm (which is the norm where i live). Is that fesible taking into consideration travel time?

3 or four chuldren close together would mean two in nursery for years! That is around £90 per day.

PetraDelphiki · 26/02/2015 19:27

I had dd at 37 and if she was asking me this I would say absolutely go for it! Actually think there is less career impact earlier on... Plus as pp says you have no idea what your body will do...

EMS23 · 26/02/2015 19:29

No time is a good time, no time is a bad time.
You have very little control over many aspects of this - even if you get pregnant this month, you'll be at work for 7-8 months more. So that's nearly two years in your current role before you go.

You might have 3 or 4 kids, you might decide to not have anymore once you've got one.
You might have them close together or at certain intervals. Nature might have other plans for you.
You might take 1 year mat leave. You might choose to go back after a few months.
You might continue on your current career trajectory. You might get sacked tomorrow or the company could go bust.

There's too many unknowns and one thing you learn really quickly once you have kids is that your time of being in complete control is over.

Try for a baby now would be my advice.

babygiraffe86 · 26/02/2015 19:29

It would be a year and 9 months ish in your current role(including pregnancy time, and that's if you fall pregnant today haha), plus maternity leave you're still classed as employed too so add another 9 months to a year there and you have 2.5 years of experience :-) even in your current place that is probably long enough to move on :-)

Lilwelshyrs · 26/02/2015 19:31

I'm 27 and TTC. We've been TTC for 3 years and I had the same concerns as you... And we're still not expecting. So yes, try now :) and if there are any problems, youve got time on your side like I do!
Plus whilst you might be career driven now, once your LO comes along, your career priorities might change. Mine have and ive taken a different path to what I was aiming for before, but am happy with my change :)
Good luck! Xx

Katie2489 · 26/02/2015 19:31

Making such a big decision it's totally understandable to get cold feet. I know exactly what you are talking about re what is considered normal in your working environment. It's difficult going against the norm, but if it feels right to you then I would say go for it. I don't think anyone can possibly say if or how much your career will be effected. You may find that having kids earlier benefits your career. Who knows. Fwiw I was in a similar situation and we went for it... I am very very pleased that we did.

LaceyLee · 26/02/2015 19:32

Do it! Who knows what will happen in future. You only get one life. You obviously want a baby and if you want a few, start now. One year in role is fine and anyway there will be a bit of time when you're trying and then pregnant so it could be 2 years anyway. Good luck

niceandwarm · 26/02/2015 19:33

I agree with lilwelshyrs. We started trying to conceive when I was 27 and it took 10 years before we finally had out pfb.

Magtils · 26/02/2015 19:33

I was in a similar position to you. Married, house and good job. Had my first at 28 after being in my middle management role within education for 2 years, been back at work for 1.5 years now, though, I personally chose to relinquish my management position to take on a part time role (2 days) within the same work place. I found I didn't have the same massive urge to progress as quickly as I originally wanted to once I had a little one around. I'm now pregnant with my second (and last!) and have already negotiated to go back 3 days instead of 2 at the end of my maternity leave and would look to increase it gradually as my children go to school and there is less to pay in terms of childcare. Luckily I work in education so won't have to worry about covering school holidays! I say go for it! You might be surprised how priorities change! I was!

PotatoLetters · 26/02/2015 19:36

I had babies at 26 and 29. I'm part time at the moment and so as a teacher that means I can't progress up the greasy pole. However, in 10 years time I might be able to and my contemporaries will be having babies!

There's no good time!

Clobbered · 26/02/2015 19:38

I'd say go for it, especially if you are planning a large family. The younger you are, the more energy you will have to juggle kids and job. Having a family will inevitably impact your career to some extent, but this will be true at any age, so have your kids while you are young and physically at your peak. You don't know what might happen later or with your fertility etc.
I had my first two in late twenties, and another in early thirties, and even a few years made a big difference in terms of my physical and mental recovery from the births. Career-wise it delayed things but didn't stop my progression. Ultimately I ditched that career and started another altogether, but that's another story. Having my kids young means that I'll only be 52 when the youngest leaves school, and I'll hopefully have years ahead to continue working, travelling etc etc. I'd prefer that to dealing with teenagers when I'm in my 60s!

Archer26 · 26/02/2015 19:46

I'm 28 and currently 32 weeks pregnant. In the last week I have been offered a promotion. I did think when I first felt pregnant that I may have affected my career chances but I think these days, it is not as much as an issue as we fear. It may be the sector I'm in (public sector) but if you are the best person for the job, pregnancy shouldn't affect that.

TiggieBoo · 26/02/2015 19:53

Go for it. Career-wise there's never going to be a good time. Better do it now then later. I delayed ttc till I was 30 for exactly the same reasons as you. Took me ages to get pregnant, then I miscarried and I eventually had a baby at 34. I will always regret not being a younger mother.

Butternutwash · 26/02/2015 19:58

Yes having kids is a career killer at least whilst dc are small - unless you are prepared to work full time after ml and your dh is able to stay home when your dc are sick which happens about every other week in the early years. But even then broken nights will mean you don't fire On all cylinders and this often impacts on performance. Dc constantly catch bugs during first few years at nursery / childminder and you will catch whatever they have......... Sorry gloomy but this is my experience. I was on 40k when I fell pregnant and know that I will never ever be able to command that salary again. I worked ft then pt until dc2 and am a sahm now.

However, I would not want to swap my career for my dc. They are the best thing in my life.

Flingmoo · 26/02/2015 19:59

27? God, no wonder I felt judged for having a baby last year age 24! I'm on the corporate ladder too, fairly low down in the food chain but well paid Analyst with good future prospects as I came through the company graduate scheme.

People always say "oh there's plenty of time in the future for having kids no need to rush ino things, just focus on your career/enjoy your life/go travelling". But I don't think that rings true for everyone. Firstly there's not necessarily plenty of time simply due to fertility issues. But this wasn't a factor we heavily considered. My concern is that we wanted to have a baby now while we have plenty of energy, and also that we felt it would be less disruptive when you're young and used to change.

Reflecting on my last few years, I've finished uni, got married, bought a house, got my first 'proper' job, moved towns etc. There hasn't been a single year when nothing in life has changed much, so DH and I are used to change. Having a baby did not feel disruptive, it was just the latest in a long chain of big events we've had over the last few years and we adapted easily. Waiting til we're in our 30s or 40s we'd be set in our ways after years and years of routine, then bam - baby arrives and disrupts everything. The older mums I know seemed a lot more shellshocked when their babies arrived as a result of this!

Career wise, yes it's set me back a few years as I took a year off and will have at least a couple of years just doing part time before I can properly start climbing the ladder again. However if you're really passionate about your career you can always go back sooner and stay full time. But life is not just about work, it depends what your priorities are in life. I always think you're unlikely to be on your deathbed thinking "I wish I worked harder"...

Whew, long post. Just my personal ramblings

petalunicorn · 26/02/2015 20:00

I was you, almost exactly. After dc2 I took a 5 year career break as I loved being with DC, still wanted more and it was shocking how quickly the time went once we had them. I'm now in my second year back at work. I'm glad I took the path I did. Your career does take a massive hit. I have gone back to people who were my junior being several levels higher than I am, but at least I am mates with the highest levels of management now, which is a bit strange. They also have more money then me of course.

It took a while to get back into the swing of it, but I'm back being good at what I do, and I think after another 10 years I will be where I would have been. It's a long game, but you get many many more years at work to forge a career then you do time when your children are small people.

I have found people in general to be very judgmental of others at work, I think perhaps I hear it from both sides, as those who think mothers should stay at home approve of me as I took a long break out, yet I have gone back so hear the working mums side too, which just tells me you can't win and colleagues/superiors will judge whatever you do and that may affect your progression.

Flingmoo · 26/02/2015 20:02

I should also add that when I was heavily pregnant I was offered a new job to come back to after mat leave, which paid £10k more than my old role - so being a mum doesn't always ruin your prospects if you're lucky enough have the right people on your side!

Morloth · 26/02/2015 20:03

If you are going to have children do it at the youngest age you can manage.

Biology doesn't give a damn about your career.

I had my first at 27, second at 33 and never totally checked out of work.

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