To consider having baby at 27? Will this kill my career?

[maybebaby007]

DH and I would love to have a baby soon. I'm 27. We have been married a few years, financially comfortable, own a house. We have travelled a lot, been to uni and done further professional qualifications, worked a few years and now feel ready for the next stage of our lives together.If possible we would like 3-4 children spaced a few years apart so don't want to leave it too much longer and at the moment our parents are in good health. Lots of reasons for now being a good time.

DH 100% thinks we should go for it but I keep going back and forwards because I'm worried how it would impact my career. I'm in quite a senior management role. I have worked really hard to get where I am and have been in my industry for 5 years, at company for 3 years and in current role for 1 year. I would fully intend to return to work following maternity leave and continue to progress. But any women in similar positions in the organisation haven't had children until their 30s and I'm worried I would be judged and seen as less dedicated to my role if I took maternity leave at this point.

A part of me feels ridiculous for thinking 27 is too young as in my parents' generation it would be totally average but it seems really young in comparison to the norm for women in my industry and social circle which seems to be 35-40. For the past year or so we have kept setting dates only for me to get cold feet and push it back when it gets close because it's a bad time at work, opportunities for me to take on extra responsibility etc. But realistically there will never be a good time at work and if I put it off a few years there is a chance I would be in a more senior role and it would be even harder.

Is a year in my current role long enough? Is 27 too young and what would you honestly think of someone in your workplace if they had a child at this age?

It entirely depends.

What hours are you expected to do? Would you be happy and able to continue doing those hours after maternity leave?

For example can you get and afford childcare for the necessary hours (including commute time) and/or is DH willing to do lots of the drop offs and pick ups. And even if childcare and DH can cover the hours, will you be willing to see that amount of your DC?

Assuming you can manage the hours, I don't see why having a baby at 27 should be a problem career wise.

I do think having 3-4 children closely spaced is likely to kill off your career however, unless you are very well paid, take short maternity leaves, work your butt off in between mat leaves, DH takes on most of the child responsibilities and you have a lot of energy (and dc who sleep well).

It's probably easier now before you get too senior. You'll have more energy now than in 10 years time too!

I'm contemplating no 2 aged 35 and it does feel like hard work right at a point where I've been promoted and am building a team.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advanced_maternal_age

With life-expectancy increasing all the time, you can reasonably expect to top 100 years.

Retirement age is going up all the time and in 40-years, is unlikely to be compulsory, so you might well work to 80. You can have 4 or 5 'careers' in your working life.

I'm 50+, go to work for the money only. I realised at a younger age than you (24) that such a thing as a 'career' was a con that meant people happily took less money for more hours, in the mistaken belief that the swish job-title, justified the lower salary.

My wife was 25 when our first child was born; we had 3 x midwives and a doctor in the delivery room, as she was having a 'senile pregancy' (over the age of 22 for a first baby)

Do it! Don't leave till your 30's. Harder to get pregnant and more tiring. The mums in their 30's always seem stressed, a bit shell shocked and still recovering from the birth 2 months later! Career is not the be all and end all. You'll know what I mean when you have children :)

I hadt first at 27 and then 2 more with over 3 year spacings. I now earn more than DH in the same profession - engineering. In fairness a lot of that is down to good luck and very hard work but it is possible.

Unfortunately I think that whatever age you have children it will hold you back in career terms.

What I have seen is that if a man becomes a father there is an assumption that he is suddenly more serious about his career. This can mean chances to progress as he now has responsibilities.

If a woman becomes a mother it is assumed that she is no longer interested in her career. I have seen an awful lot of women find themselves in a career cul-de-sac because it is assumed that they arent interested in career progression.

The length of maternity leave didnt matter.

I will freely admit to having worked for some fairly misogynistic companies. Also I have known exceptions to this.

One note of caution: if while you are away some project comes in which would have been ideal for you, right up your street, and the perfect chance for you to prove yourself fitted for higher things - you will miss out. Somebody else will get the chance. All the laws in the world can't change that. It's a risk.

But what the hell, life is risky. Good luck - go for it. Much love and

When you do it is considerably less important than having very, very detailed and binding discussions with your other half on exactly how you are both going to juggle work and childcare after you have a child. If you are very serious about your career - and you sound as if you are - you need to sit down together and think about what your husband can do in order to minimise any negative impact on your work life. Is he prepared to be a SAHP, go part-time or move jobs or juggle his hours in order to facilitate nursery drop-offs/negotiate school holidays/sick days? Can you afford childcare for three or four children?

Because these things are in your future, and too often I see it being assumed, even by apparently feminist men, that their work lives will continue as before, and that any negative impact will be absorbed by their female partners, who suddenly start finding themselves stalling in the workplace.

Honestly, I can't emphasise this enough. Don't assume it will 'fall into place' once the baby arrives. Make a plan.

I had my first at 27 and have never been back to work, eldest dc is 10. I always thought I would go back to work, I loved the company, my job at that time.

What i hadn't realised was the cost of childcare (not just nursery but before/after school and holidays and how difficult it would be with no family support.

We have/had absolutely no help from family so it would have been full time child care. My commute was over an hour each way by train. My dh works long hours and his were more unpredictable. Whilst our friends are amazing realistically it's family you need if dc fall ill and you need emergency child care.

I was 27 when DS was born and working in a professional role in London, a step behind you as I had been there 3 years adding to professional qualifications and just reached the point where I would have been applying for middle management type role. My company were not very family friendly (mainly men) and couldn't give me part time so I quit after maternity leave and got a part-time job elsewhere, bit of a sidestep to a less well-paid sector (moved out of consultancy) but more senior than the previous job so my pay actually increased pro rata. However if I had been willing to go back full time I don't think it would have held me back at all at my previous firm, even though I was far younger than anyone else with a family in my department and I think there were some raised eyebrows at the time.

As it turns out I am about to go up to full time in my new job with a big promotion, also expecting DC2 in the summer which they were fully aware of before the promotion, but will be going back full time again when DC2 is 6 months. It is tough especially if your DH has a full on job too, kids are unpredictable, get ill, don't enjoy nursery, won't sleep or you just can't bear to leave them every day and you're constantly having to juggle what other people need from you. Some people may be judgey (but would be whatever parenting decisions you make at whatever age). But it is possible to work through all of that, you're likely to have more energy for it all now than in 10 years and it will leave you with lots of time to focus on career later on when others are taking time off. You might also find your career priorities change and you want to take it a bit slower for a while or find a different route, or they might not, but either way I don't think having a baby at this age would hold you back in your career long term if you don't want it to.

That said it will help a lot if your DH shares the burden 50/50. My DH has a much shorter commute than me so does the majority of childcare drop-offs / pick-ups, we share time off if DS is ill and he will be taking 5 months shared parental leave for DC2. Not sure I could cope if he wasn't able to do all that!

I would go for it if you feel ready in other ways you never know how long it might take. It took us nearly 3 years and 4 miscarriages to get our daughter I was nearly 28 when she was born.

You may decide after dc to become a sahm especially if you plan on having 3 or 4, that's a lot of childcare to find.
I don't think there's a right or wrong time to have children but think you need to make your dh realise it will be both of you making the career sacrifices.
You could split your leave with dh and go back to work before 12 months if you like.
there are so many opportunities for working parents these days, your career may not suffer at all.

OP, watch this TEDTalk by Sheryl Sandberg who is the COO of Facebook, on why we have too few women leaders. I wish I'd watched it a bit sooner!

It's likely, but not certain, that your career will stall as a result of becoming a parent (in an annoying way that your DH's won't). Some of the reasons for this will be beyond your control, the culture of the company you work for, the industry or profession that you work in. I would say to control the things you can, such as the balance of work responsibilities at home.

I am not a natural "sit at the table"r, and without thinking about it too hard, went part-time after I came back off maternity (because that's what women do, isn't it?). The talk made me change my behaviour, be more assertive at work, change who did what at home. It all resulted in positive changes.

Think it depends on what your career is and what kind of employer you have. Plublic sector tends to be more family friendly with better chance of women progressing.

I agree with minipie and just wanted to chime in with my experience. I was 27 when DH & I married, and we've only just had our first child (I'm 33). I'm glad we didn't have kids any earlier but that said I was pregnant withn 3 months of TTC so we were very lucky in that respect.

I spent my 20s working hard at my career (I'm a lawyer) and am currently on mat leave from my job. I've been there 4.5 years and am in a reasonably autonomous, senior management position. I thought that, given the length of my tenure and that I'd always performed well I'd be in a position enough to go on mat leaave & my company would work with me to trasnition back etc. I couldn't have been more wrong. My boss is clearly using my pregnancy/mat leave as an excuse to restructure my role - almost his first reaction when I told him I was pregnant and tried to discuss maternity cover options with him was "we're alway lookig for ways to cut out FTEs". Nice! So do think carefully about how your work treats women & working mothers - but conversely don't neccesarily let that put you off. A shitty workplace isn't worth sacrificing motherhood for! Don't look at the official policies, look at other women who've gone on mat leave & how they've been treated. In retrospect, I knew of lots of people who were treated poorly so I should have realised, but I just thought that given my position & seniority, I would be different.

On the flip size however, as I'm well established & senior there are more opportunities to go part time and to still earn pretty good money. Given my treatment I don't want to go back to my old company and have been looking round at other oportunities - as I'm pretty experienced I'm in a far better position to dictate terms to a new employer; this means we can afford a nanny which will make woring so much easier, and also means I'm happier to go back to work part time when DS is 6 months. On that note - be prepared for your feelings to change after youhave the baby! So many people said this to me and I didn't believe them - I thought I'd be fine with working full-time/putting DS in a creche. I'm really not! I want to work but not full time and I want him to have a nanny when he's so little. I also thought I'd like 3 children ... after going through pregnancy I'm pretty sure it's going to be two max!!

I'm going to go against the grain and say if you're still feeling a bit ambivalent, give it another year and see how you feel. Have another fab overseas trip! (DH and I had 3 "last fab overseas trip before we have kids" holidays!!) You have plenty of time at 27, even if you did encounter fertility issues.

Better to take the hit earlier I think. You'll be in a better position to re-ignite your career after kids if you're still in your thirties rather than leaving it later and trying to do it in your forties.

It depends on what your workplace is like. I was 2nd in department when I had my baby at 27. I went back 4 days a week and could keep my position. Later that year I was promoted to HoD.

One reason, possibly, for no dent in my career path was that I was upfront about my ambitions and that DH was the SAHD.

There are many factors to consider. I had my dc at 26, 27 and 29 - I fell pregnant with ds1 6 months after starting a job I had desperately wanted and at which I was doing very well. I am now 32 and have not gone back to work. I think my downfall was that I didn't plan particularly carefully from a career point of view - I assumed I would go back, but didn't consider the cost of childcare and then fell pregnant with dc2 whilst still on maternity leave and that was that. I don't resent it because I am very happy and enjoy being at home with my dc, dh earns plenty and our arrangement suits everyone. I find myself in a strange place with it all to be honest - I don't regret having my children when I did, I am glad that I am a youngish mum, I am very happy with how my life has turned out BUT I do find myself wondering whether I could have achieved more in my career and I worry about the influence I will have on my dd (I want her to know that women can do anything they want, but I have settled into such a traditional role).

It is clear that you value your career and as long as you plan carefully you should be able to juggle both. I know several women with very successful careers and a wonderful family life. There are benefits to having dc younger - it was nice to embark on pregnancy knowing I was in a lower risk bracket for everything (although obviously you still worry like mad) and ultimately you will have years to nurture your career after you have had your dc. I will only be 40 when dc3 starts secondary school, which is nice to know - plenty of years left to pursue whatever it is I fancy doing when I am 40!

I'm in a professional role and I had my first at 23. All my female colleagues , asked if it was an accident. (Not an accident! Very much planned) I'm now 40 and although haven't progressed as fast as my colleagues, I really don't care. I will get there. As long as it pays the bills! Depends what makes you happy though.

Do you know, what would bother me most about the impact on your career would be your DH's attitude. He seems very relaxed about having a child but only you seem to be considering career impact. Does that mean he thinks you are going to absorb all the hit while he carries on more or less the same?

Questions you need to discuss before getting pregnant: Are you going to share parental leave? Will you both go part time after the baby is born? Is he happy to have 'staff' in the house (cleaners, au pairs etc) to help you both maintain your careers? And have you looked into the cost of childcare, do you have enough spare cash now (i.e. are you saving significant amounts) to absorb the increase in your expenditure once you have to cover childcare/a larger mortgage etc? Will you both share the responsibilities when you have sick children, taking turns to take annual leave etc

If you have concerns I think you need to do some research to either allay them or plan for children a bit later. Yes, there is no good time for children (particularly if you have a partner who doesn't pull their weight on the parenting front) but time is on your side, you are not even 30 yet, if you have fertility problems you'll already have them, if you don't you'll be able to get pregnant in your 40s no problem (been there, done that).

I think it sounds like you're quite career minded. I would suggest putting off ttc until you have a few more years focusing on that. Get saving loads so once baby is here you have options. You may be like me and completely go off climbing the ladder but at least you'll have done it for a few years so you'll have no regrets.

There are no guarantees. Having a baby next year may have a negative effect on your career- but if you wait five years you might find your career still stalls after having a baby.

You also don't know how long it will take you to conceive. Some women are holding a baby in their arms 10 months after deciding to try; others are still trying years later.

Personally, if you both feel ready and are stable financially, I'd go for it. But there's no reason you can't wait 6 months or a year so that you'll have been in your position at least 2-3 years by the time the baby arrives if you're worried about it. It doesn't have to be a choice between TTC right now or waiting until your mid 30s.

I was going to recommend reading Sheryl Sandberg's book. She advocates woman actively pushing their careers when they know they are trying to conceive/just pregnant which was quite the opposite to what I did (took the foot off the pedal "what's the point I'm about to take 3 months off etc"). I actually like her idea. Of course it depends on your company but career and children are not mutually exclusive.

As for the 3-4 children plan - go for it. I'm not that brave or maternal. You could space children out so you only have one in nursery at any one time (at £1000 a month that's what we did) but I didn't expect childcare to be so much harder to find once they are at school - nursery is easy.

If everyone waited until all uncertainties were removed, none of us would have kids. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

I'm in a similar position to you op, I'm 27, have a house and career but I have a baby. When my maternity leave ends if I go back to work full time that will mean both me and dp will be out from 8am-7.30pm Mon to Fri. I don't think that's going to possible with a young baby and I know that I'm going to be the one who will have to make the sacrifices. I wish I'd discussed this with dp before as I'm finding the reality very depressing. Make sure you get all the details sorted out before you get pregnant.