To consider having baby at 27? Will this kill my career?

[maybebaby007]

DH and I would love to have a baby soon. I'm 27. We have been married a few years, financially comfortable, own a house. We have travelled a lot, been to uni and done further professional qualifications, worked a few years and now feel ready for the next stage of our lives together.If possible we would like 3-4 children spaced a few years apart so don't want to leave it too much longer and at the moment our parents are in good health. Lots of reasons for now being a good time.

DH 100% thinks we should go for it but I keep going back and forwards because I'm worried how it would impact my career. I'm in quite a senior management role. I have worked really hard to get where I am and have been in my industry for 5 years, at company for 3 years and in current role for 1 year. I would fully intend to return to work following maternity leave and continue to progress. But any women in similar positions in the organisation haven't had children until their 30s and I'm worried I would be judged and seen as less dedicated to my role if I took maternity leave at this point.

A part of me feels ridiculous for thinking 27 is too young as in my parents' generation it would be totally average but it seems really young in comparison to the norm for women in my industry and social circle which seems to be 35-40. For the past year or so we have kept setting dates only for me to get cold feet and push it back when it gets close because it's a bad time at work, opportunities for me to take on extra responsibility etc. But realistically there will never be a good time at work and if I put it off a few years there is a chance I would be in a more senior role and it would be even harder.

Is a year in my current role long enough? Is 27 too young and what would you honestly think of someone in your workplace if they had a child at this age?

This highlights the impact of being female and wanting a family compared with men.
It reveals the disparity of genders and the work place on this topic.

27 is young but you clearly have your head screwed on i say go for it

I think Bluelamp's advice is excellent Definitely have a Game Plan and try living without your salary/saving for a year or so .
For what its worth, I had PFB at 35 (not exactly planned that way. Met DH at 30, married at 32 , wanted a few years just the two of us first) I was lucky and conceived straight away. As DH was high earner I had been able to move, a year earlier, out of the public sector into a much more interesting but riskier environment . Much to my surprise they agreed to my working two days a week (this was before Job Shares) when DD1 was 9m . To be honest I think I would have had a breakdown if I hadn't gone back to work . Don't underestimate the shock to the system of being a SAHM , especially if you have had a stimulating and enjoyable career . I was made redundant 6 m later (along with everyone else-long story). I had by then adjusted and was ready to try SAHM .But was made an offer I couldn't refuse (again long story) and ended up working pt, largely from home ,at two jobs, until I had DD2 (DD1 was nearly four. I had two mc in between ) Again I chose SAHM ;however (and the point of the story) when DD2 was 21 m I went back to work as DH was made redundant .I was the main, and sometimes only, bread winnner for 8 years . It was fortunate I went back at quite a senior level (though nowhere near as well paid as DH ) as I'd never stopped working for long,and could support my family . I would be very wary of relinquishing thoughts of a career , as one never knows what will happen . Obviously as DH was at home much of the time , childcare wasnt too much of an issue . We had GPs nearby , but for emergencies as they themselves were getting on a bit. Personally I would give it til you are thirty and even more firmly established .
There are drawbacks to being an older parent -not least of which we were still paying for DD2 at Uni til we were on the verge of retirement . But as DD2 pointed out to me last week when I went by train to spend the day with her for her (25th) birthday, she's seeing more of me than she might, as I'm not working , DD1 would agree . I used to 'worry' about looking like their grandmother but have aways looked younger than I am, so it wasnt reallyan issue . I may have had less energy than a younger woman but initially at least we could afford a cleaner/ironer and I had my own car, we could eat out etc .
I found being by then very senior (I stayed at work when DH got ft job again and climbed the ladder) actually made looking after by now older children mch easier as I had considerable autonomy over how I worked-so time off for e.g plays, sports days was never problem . And if one of them was ill-rare-I could normally work from home. And leave early if they needed picking up etc .As long as I 'delivered' my boss never queried .

My elder DD is now 29, in a relationsip but no immediate prospect of children . She says she thinks it worked out fine for them/me and shes happy to wait til her mid thirties

PS re Norland comment
I had two perfectly normal pregnancies and deliveries and was rather dissapointed not to get special treatment as an elderly primagravida. My GP said words to the effect of 'well post, you are obviously healthy, well nourished, well supported and well able to care for a child and I don't forsee any problems ' I had a midwife and a trainee forDD1 and a 2 midwives (standard practice) for DD2 Admittedly DD1 had cord round neck DD2 mild shoulder dystocia but neither was anything to do with my age

And a final thought-which goes against everything I've said . Sometimes we can be too planned, too rational?
Friend's son aged 29 , large debts but now has stable and reasonably well paid job, is expecting PFB with a girl he has known since last spring . She has moved towns to live with him (they are not in UK, she is a national of that country . Has no job ). They are over the moon about the (planned) baby and have just got engaged . His DM says she has never seen him so happy
Follow your heart, not your head .

We started when we were both 23, and it has been much easier from a careers perspective.

1. Loads of energy
2. You can have lots of children
3. You will not want to slow down if you are younger and career minded imo. I hear of older mothers saying they have had a baby so want to slow down, stop or go part time, where as I might slow down in my 60s, 70s,80s ... (maybe)

I haven't read all the other comments so apologise if this is X post. When I was very early in my career, a very senior member of staff told me that if I wanted a family, to do it as soon as possible. Firstly, it gives you a focus outside of work and she said that it is far easier to have a career break early on. People are far more likely to employ you after a break if your not at the top of your career (and cheaper) than at the top, having had a break and potentially not up to date with things. It was only her opinion but I followed it, had children in my 20s and it actually gave me time to assess my career and try a slightly different role that I love. You have to do what feels right to you. And there will always be an excuse not to have a baby if you want to find it.

I did things the other way round. Met husband at 17 so wanted to leave school and work so we could buy a house. We got married when I was 22, had first child the following year, 2nd child at 27 and third at 30. I started an admin job for local government the year I got married, for job security, and despite having three children and very limited qualifications, I was earning £32k by the time I was 28. So for me, children certainly did not hinder my career.

I have since left there and am pursuing what I really wanted to do for a career all along, and completed an access to university course and am now halfway through my university degree. So at the age of 34, I am finally doing what I really want to be doing, I have taken the long road to get here but it was my choice to settle for the easier career while having children, and it still was a great career (just not for me). I really wish I could have contented myself there as it was much easier than the career I am training for now.

Not sure if that actually helps at all

I don't think you'll be judged about your age - most people who delay do so because they don't have the whole partner/house/good job situation
sorted until then. Or because of fertility problems.

I do think though that where you might take the hit is when the kids are small and you're back at work - it's hard to work at the same intensity when you're coming home to chaos bathtime rather than having some down time, and you don't have the option to just work on to finish something, have to plan around nursery/nanny/school etc. And when they have a bad night it impacts on you the day after, and if they are ill someone needs to take time off... if you want to be the 100% shiny career person you were before, you need to have some very good wraparound childcare and be prepared to be a bit ruthless about packing your kids off to childcare when they have the sniffles etc. I speak from experience . Not that I am all that shiny...

Also, 3 or 4 kids is a LOT of work, specially if you happen to have them close together. I don't want to be patronising, maybe you are much more in contact with small children than I was but I thought vaguely about having 3 or 4 and then was VERY happy to stop at 2. One baby is quite portable, add a baby to a toddler and you become a massive entourage, it's hard to travel with them, VERY hard to move house, travelling for work is murder because the left at home parent is outnumbered... OTOH if you do want 3 or 4, spacing them out will make it much easier and you'll have that option if you start at 27 (says the woman who had her IVF twins at 36... that's how NOT to give yourself an easy life...)

If you start young then you can spread them out though. This will then mean you can work full time, and it really isn't that bad on tiredness. You might get the odd day, but you can carry on as before. I am actually a 100x harder worker post children

Like others I am in similar situation - 28, assistant head. Just had dc1. Managed to negotiate going back part time qhich is perfect . I'm hoping to have one more then will decide if I want to continue to work up management which I will have time to do as will still be fairly young when both children are at school or happy to stay in current role. Go for it- it took us nearly a year to conceive so not everything in life can be planned neatly!

I could have written your post a few years ago! I went for it, best thing ever In the end it took me a long time to conceive so I had just turned 29 by the time DD was born. Reactions to me wanting a "baby before 30" were similar to if I had proposed teenage motherhood! Still, you may well work until you're 70 - plenty of time to make it back up. Like me, I imagine to be in a senior role at 27, you have worked pretty consistently through school, uni, quals and early stage with no time off yet. Do somethung else now if it's what you want and don't feel bad

Bloody hell it is like a different world.

I had five pregnancies and two sets of maternity leave between the ages of 21 and 28.

Was I getting judged all over the place? Maybe I was.

My career is great and exactly right for me. I have always worked it round children and know no different. Any employers know I have children. I don't have home life and work life I just have my life - not two warring factions or conflicts of interest.

most people dont have their life together at 27 you do i think you are ok i would love to be in your position

I am a professional and had one child by 26, two by 28. Will be back at work properly by 29.

I read about a year ago that 26 is apparently the best age as you're young enough to have the energy but old enough to be reasonably established in your profession

Of course there'll be loads of anecdotal evidence against this

I say go for it. You never know, could take years!

It sounds like you are ready in so many ways. You are already in a better career and financial situation than most people could dream of before thirty.

If you don't have children, yes, you could go further sooner in your career....but then you wouldn't have children.

And maybe if you waited, something else would come along that meant at 35 you weren't in the perfect situation for having children either.

There's no perfect time but you sound in a better situation than I was having my first at 33.

Don't worry about what your social circle is doing. It might a little be harder being the first of your group of friends to have children, but someone will always be the first, and you will make loads of "mum" friends, even if you are a couple of years younger than them.

I was a senior professional and until I had my third child, it was do-able. When I told them I was having my fourth, I was told that I was committing career suicide (by another senior female professional with two children). I thought she was wrong - she was right, and I've been a (happy-ish) SAHM for the last five years...! I would say that there is never a right time - but you sound far more prepared than we were - we just thought let's go for it, we have no idea how long it will take.....and it happened straight away.

I don't think it matters what age you are. It's up to you and your DH to make it work, if that's what you both want.

I had my DS when I was 36 and had really just been ambling along in my career. It really took off when DS was about 11 months old, as I realised that if I wanted to really provide for him, I had to start taking my career seriously. Salary went from £27k to £54k in a matter of 8 years, with promotions. I took on extra tasks, did more qualifications and set some career goals. I made sure that I also worked for organisations that had family friendly policies. As I have a national role, I am home based, but on the road a lot. I manage my own diary, so make it fit around childcare/minders as much as I possibly can and I work from home on a Friday and do the school run. I do have to have nights away now and then, so DS stays with Grandad.

It's not been easy, as I am a single parent. DS does see his Dad, but only on weekends. He doesn't help out in the week at all.

Haven't read the entire thread, but agree that there probably isn't ever an "ideal" time to have kids. Also agree with the PP that you need to make sure that you and your DP are on the same page with regard to child-rearing responsibilities - I wouldn't and couldn't have had kids with my DP if I hadn't known he was going to be a very hands-on dad. I did the full maternity leave bit but for everything else (doctor's appointments, nursery/school run, time off for sick kids, etc.) we've split it evenly.

Possibly partly due to the above, personally didn't find having kids a career-killer at all (though had mine at 37 and 40) - have had excellent performance reviews etc. since my first maternity leave. I think I've become a lot more focussed in work since having DC.

OP, you must make your own decision. The issues to consider are what your industry is like. In mine my career was ruined when I took 6 months maternity leave. When I returned to work my life was made hell. I quickly had a second child and left that job. It took over a year for me to reach same position and be promoted in new job. Slightly off thread, but it sucks that women are even having to consider this stuff in the 21st century.

Oh please have a baby now!

The way I look at it is: if you wait a few years and God forbid, you run into any fertility problems, you'll really regret you waited as everything gets much harder when you're older. Your childbearing 'window' is so small. You have a lifetime to think about your career. Having children is the most rewarding thing you'll ever do.

It only has an impact on your career if you are in a sexist marriage and you take ages off. There is nothing to stop you taking a few weeks off and going back full time as many of us do. Don't get influenced by sexist stereotyping and women saying you have to take a year off. It is lose lose if you do that. I was working full time with 3 children under 5 by the time I was 26. I was also hired for my last job when I had a 3 year old and 1 year old and was 5 months pregnant.

I had my first at 26 - considered very young in my profession.

4 DC later and approaching 40, my career is great. Despite having a few years off I'm really no further behind my peers who are battling with their first round of maternity leave.

in fact l feel insufferably smug that all the naysayers will be still juggling nursery and wrap around care whilst I wave mine off to uni

I had my first child at 27. It did indeed kill my career stone dead...but I'd do it again .

I had my second at 30 and then retrained for a different career - one I never would have considered previously, but that has been SO much more fulfilling and with better, more family friendly hours.

I'm 38 now and glad I went for it when I did. Of course there is no right age to become a parent, benefits and drawbacks to every age etc...but if you're happy, secure and feel ready...go for it.

I had a similar experience to Debeers but was in my mid 30s.

a) it may kill your promotion prospects for circa 5 yrs assuming you return to work within a max of 6 months (to protect your role) each time and have no more than 2 children
b) you need to cost up childcare and schooling now
c) you need a full and frank conversation with your husband about practicalities about drop offs and pick ups. If it will kill either of you then you need to cost in a nanny or aupair on top of nursery costs.

If you can't move on and do the same role at another company easily once you stop having children then I'd consider your timing. The more senior you are and the better paid, the more easily you can request flexible working, WFH one day a week etc etc.

Bear in mind that in some respects with the right childcare you will be present, visible and available when your peers are off having their children. Your opportunities may come later. It's a dreadful thing to say but there is positive discrimination in some workplaces and senior management do want to see women at senior level. Sometimes there aren't many to choose from.

All that said, I'm 40 yrs old with two children aged 4.5 and 2. I wish I'd had them when I was 27 instead of 37 though it's likely that I would not be in the same professional position. I'll be 55 when the eldest leaves school and retiring when she finishes uni. None of it says 'fun parent' to me. Sadly DH wasn't really on board with marriage and babies then.