to keep dd off school tomorrow-bullying related

[fedupandsickofeverything]

Have name changed for this as don't want to be identified

3 girls at dd's school are determined to make her life a misery, 2 of them have been causing problems since primary(now year 8 at high school), there have also been problems with general social exclusion within the year due to dd having mild aspergers.

These 3 girls in particular have been causing major problems for dd, teasing , constantly bothering her, telling she's ugly and is ruining their lives by being there, there have been some physical incidents and these seem to be escalating.

At the end of last term dd got a sanction for fighting, she had finally had enoughof the ring leader and reacted to get away from her. A couple of weeks ago one of the girls threatened to stab dd and told one of dd's friends she had a knife in her bag, we told the police and the school but nothing was found. Today I met dd after school to find her in tears and covered in mud, these girls had collared her on a set of stairs and started pushing her, she felt like they wanted her to fall, they then followed her when she got away calling her names, followed her out of school and the ring leader pushed her which is when got muddy, they only stopped following her because they knew I met her.

The school have been useless, they only seem to be interested in aportioning equal blame to dd even when it's 3 against 1 and we have lost faith in them. We have looked into changing schools but we live on a small island with not many schools and when I spoke to one they said we have to reach a resolution with the present school first as we are outside the catchment area for any of the other schools. We are putting plans on for tomorrow, dh is going to meet our local education minister, I have requested a meeting with HOY, dd's tutor and her keyworker and i am also going to contact camh.

But do we send dd in tomorrow, these physical attacks seem to be escalating and if they did try to push her down the stairs what else might they do? I don't want to keep her off unnecessary but I am wooried abiut her safety

Sorry- worried about her safety

Oh my goodness, I wouldn't :(

Are you in a position to keep her off until the school step up ?

I would keep her at home is what I meant

I can at the moment, but worried about keeping her studies up. Another thing I found out this week is that dd's key worker is off long-term sick, no-one had told us or informed us or dd who her new keyworker is

Personally, I would keep her off whilst waiting for a meeting with her form teacher and head of year, even the head teacher together,

Your poor DD. You are not being unreasonable keeping her off sick for 1 or 2 days whilst you sort this out with the school.

I would - and did when my ds was bullied like that. The school couldn't protect him. Eventually I took him out of school altogether and home educated for a year. The relief on his face when I said he didn't have to go in was huge.

I sit in the I wouldn't send her back in tomorrow camp. She has been through an ordeal and needs to recover.
I think it is easy for us to say what you should do, but I know from experience it isn't always easy making those choices.
My experience is the school being useless isn't going to change, so I need to make the changes.

Keep her off.
The fact that she was pushed over and mud should be reported to the Police- it's physical assault.
The school have been useless- well beat them at their own game. If thy want to apportion blame on both sides, ask them what measures are being taken against all girls, as you are "happy" to support any anti-bullying measures they need to take against your daughter- sanctions/detentions/anti-bully course - then watch their faces drop as they realise they are not actually doing anything.
I assume they know she has a disability, so ask them how this is being factored into their plans to deal with bullying, it being a disability which impacts social interraction especially, and of course their legal duty of care towards disabled pupils. Watch their panic levels peak as they realise they have no plan and they are not even considering her disability.
Finally well done you, it sounds bloody awful, you've taken a load of practical steps in the right direction and I hope it gets sorted.

Well we're keeping her off, dh is going ring the school but we've told her she needs to study today and needs to let me get on with some work stuff that ineed to have by the end of next week

In England you can move your child whether or not the existing school wants you to, provided the other school has a place.
So I'm guessing from the fact you are meeting with your education minister that your small island isn't covered by English rules.
Yes, keep off school to give your DD a breathing space, but keep up the studies.

Fuck would I be sending my dd back.

Keep her home and safe. There is more to life than schoolwork.

Poor kid

Call the police. Each and every time your dd is threatened, or assaulted,call the police and report. It isn't less illegal just cause it happens on school property, it's just that parents sometimes choose to let the school deal with it. You don't need to choose this.

Have you read the school's anti-bullying policy? Are they following it to the letter?

Put each incident down in writing - in a diary (for you), and in an email/letter to Head. Insist they follow it up with a meeting with you, after which you email them again outlining what you believe to have been said/agreed (and make sure they give timescales for action). This will either get them moving or build up a case for moving your dd.

So sorry

So sorry for you and your DD. I would keep her off, would people go into work the day after a group of co-workers had behaved like that? It sounds unsafe.

Contact people like NAS for advice.

Get your DD to keep a diary, the police can use that as evidence.

To be honest if you were in England, I would be complaining about their lack of safeguarding and their disability discrimination.

I'm so sorry to read this. The school sound worse than useless. I was bullied at school and I would have felt so relieved and supported if my parents had kept me at home after an assault like that. I really hope you resolve this soon xx

I would definitely speak to the Police. Call 101 and just ask for some advice. I bet you suddenly find Police intervention will make the school buck up their ideas. YADNBU to keep your poor girl home for you and your DD.

I hope your DD is feeling better today.
If the other school will only take you after a resolution, could you get the current school to say that they agree they cannot meet her current needs because of the needs of specific other pupils and find the resolution that way.
I can understand the resentment this would stir up for you- I am thinking angrily of our own current situation as I type it, but it would at least mean your daughter could move swiftly and hopefully this will end.

We got the police involved with stabbing threat, gave got them involved in the past abd doesn't seem to a have a difference. School hasn't contacted us today apart from about keyworker, probably hoping tjat if they ignore it it will go away.

Presumably the school has the required anti bullying policy and that it is in the public realm? Read it and note where it obviously has not been put into action. Contact OFSTED, this is a safeguarding issue.
I know it is difficult, but try to empower you daughter not to become a victim. There is information on the internet to help with this.
Bullying is appalling and has to be stopped.
Keeping a child from school does solve some problems, but is in danger of creating a school -phobic. May I suggest that the school uses some of its older responsible students to be friend your daughter. They can watch from a distance, at social times and step in, in a "Hi, how you doing?" way as a friend.
It is also important that your caught does not hide away in social times, it is safer to be in a crowded place. So sorry this is happening.

I'm really sorry to hear this has happened to your dd op. I don't have any advice as I'm not really managing to sort my own dd's problem out.
She's only 7 with asd but told me yesterday that a boy in her class bullies her every day. She refused to tell me what's going on but I did speak to her class teacher yesterday who says there are ongoing issues with this boy already. My dd refused to go to school this morning and I didn't push her to go. I'm now super worried and it's making me lean towards home schooling again. She hates school anyway so this is not helping.
Hope you get your situation sorted asap op.

I would - I did - I said I wouldn't send her back until the school could ensure her safety - it's a safeguarding issue

I'm sorry your daughter has been though this - loads of strength and luck xxx

Spoken to the police, the officer I spoke to was the one who dealt with stabbing threat. He wasn't able to speak to HOY as she wasn't in today but is going to speak to the school on Monday and probably speak to the girls as well. Schooi still hasn't contacted either me or dh

Op this is one of my nightmares for my DC and I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.

Do the parents get contacted by police in these cases? I would certainly want to know if my child was doing this.

I would certainly be keeping my DC off school too should any bullying continue, its something I will operate zero tolerance on.

There are people who seem to know exactly what the schools processes are, and tell you what to do step by step, hopefully will be able to help you.