to keep dd off school tomorrow-bullying related

[fedupandsickofeverything]

Have name changed for this as don't want to be identified

3 girls at dd's school are determined to make her life a misery, 2 of them have been causing problems since primary(now year 8 at high school), there have also been problems with general social exclusion within the year due to dd having mild aspergers.

These 3 girls in particular have been causing major problems for dd, teasing , constantly bothering her, telling she's ugly and is ruining their lives by being there, there have been some physical incidents and these seem to be escalating.

At the end of last term dd got a sanction for fighting, she had finally had enoughof the ring leader and reacted to get away from her. A couple of weeks ago one of the girls threatened to stab dd and told one of dd's friends she had a knife in her bag, we told the police and the school but nothing was found. Today I met dd after school to find her in tears and covered in mud, these girls had collared her on a set of stairs and started pushing her, she felt like they wanted her to fall, they then followed her when she got away calling her names, followed her out of school and the ring leader pushed her which is when got muddy, they only stopped following her because they knew I met her.

The school have been useless, they only seem to be interested in aportioning equal blame to dd even when it's 3 against 1 and we have lost faith in them. We have looked into changing schools but we live on a small island with not many schools and when I spoke to one they said we have to reach a resolution with the present school first as we are outside the catchment area for any of the other schools. We are putting plans on for tomorrow, dh is going to meet our local education minister, I have requested a meeting with HOY, dd's tutor and her keyworker and i am also going to contact camh.

But do we send dd in tomorrow, these physical attacks seem to be escalating and if they did try to push her down the stairs what else might they do? I don't want to keep her off unnecessary but I am wooried abiut her safety

How did it go today?

We had the meeting earlier and it seemed to go well although time will tell. The girls parents are being called in and the police are coming to speak to the girls later in the week about the possible consequences of their actions. If things do not improve the girls will face sanctions, starting with internal isolation at break and lunch, further sanctions will follow if necessary.

As dd is struggling socially in school generally they are referring her to a special needs worker who specialises in helping children with social difficulties.

It all seemed positive, but as I said only time will tell.

fingers crossed for you, sounds like girls are really being penalised though which is brilliant news.

I'm so glad things went well. I've been checking your thread often to see how you've been getting on.

I hope your DD gets supported and starts enjoying school soon.

That's good news. I fucking hate bullies.

Good news OP. High time nasty bullies were put in their place. Seems like the school are listening.
I wouldn't want to see any child bullied but one day these girls will probably be mothers themselves. How would they feel if their future children were bullied., be ironic if one of them start a thread on here in 20 years about bullying.

So pleased to read this :) I hope things are much better for your daughter from now on.

Well things to be seemed to be getting better as they had left her alone all last week, one of the girls(whom seemed to be a follower) actually appollogised to dd but the main ring leader(x) seems to have switched tactic and is now isolating dd from her friends. Dd doesn't have a lot of friends at school, but there was a group of 3/4 who hung round together, x has now made friends with dd's best friend(y)(a nice girl but very naive and sheltered). dd tried to explain to her what x had done to her but but she said" x is really nice and she says she had a reason". The others in the group tend to go off with y so this has left dd isolated with no friends in the year.

What can I do? She isn't actually bullying dd but is isolating her and still making her life a misery

I don't know what you can do about that,fedup.It stinks and my DD1 had a problem with a girl like this when she was in Y7.But you don't own friends and you can't stop people from being friends with who they want.Social exclusion certainly is bullying, but it is the hardest form of bullying to tackle.

Well I managed to get her in today but she is so nervous and worried that she can't eat and has been sick. I've got an appointment with the gp tomorrow to see if I can get her referred back to CAMH but I just want her to be happy and I feel so helpless.

Keep on at the school (although don't get unpleasant with them if you can possibly help it). Write it all down like you have here. It sounds utterly horrible. And again, ask about a 'managed move' to another school. This approach might let you get a place in a school which is already at PAN. Get on the waiting list at all other schools - phone them and ask for a form to get on the list if they deal with their own admissions, or phone your local county council and apply via them if the county council runs the waiting list for them. Council will be able to tell you which school they can do the application for, and which they can't. You don't have to accept places if you're offered them of course, but it might give you a choice not to go through this every day.