Do I ask mil to change what she's feeding ds1?

[Tory79]

Background:
No mil issues, she's lovely, we get on fine
Ds1(3) goes for tea once a week, at her request. Obviously I'm very grateful for the break (although I still have ds2 with me) but just to be clear its not a favour or childcare.

So, mil is not a lover of cooking, anything that requires any real cooking seems to strike fear in to her! As a result, ds tea consists of either fishcakes or breaded chicken, waffles AND pasta (plain) AND a slice of bread and butter. I don't care about the fishcakes/chicken it's not the worst thing in the world, but I feel a bit about the totally unnecessary carb fest and total lack of vegetables!

Wibu to ask her to switch eg the pasta for some peas?! Or do I just leave it?

You could try asking her to do more vegetables saying you're trying to get him to eat more and could she help, but I suspect I wouldn't bother and would just stop enquiring about what he's eaten so it doesn't annoy you.

fish cakes with pasta and no peas is in no way like having a high salt, fat and calorie takeaway once a week. Not in any way.

Anyway from OP's own description it isn't the absolute lack of one portion of veg a week that she minds it's that granny gets away without having to coax him into eating his veg so only Mummy gets to be the bad guy.

not just something only mummy is always trying to get him to eat!

I think you have to look at the long term here, OP, and at the wider picture. Unless you can successfully flatter Grandma into offering veg as a way of helping you, on the grounds that "only she can do it" I think you should be very wary of interfering in what is obviously a lovely, mutually-beneficial relationship between your son and your MIL. A regular weekly visit to a loving relative, especially if it continues over the years, can build up a real bond which is invaluable to your child's emotional health, helping to build confidence and self-esteem. A strong relationship with a grandparent can be a rock in a child's life, providing stability and reassurance throughout the ups and downs of school life and, later, during the teenage rebellion stage. And, while he is little, no-one (barring you, of course!) will be as interested in, and proud of your son as his grandparents and all the playing, reading and conversation he gets from them is invaluable to his development.

Feeding her grandchild is one of the ways your MIL expresses love for your son and the fact that she does it at all is much more important than what it actually is - your son's nutrition is really not going to be affected by one slightly over-carbed meal per week. Your child's health is not merely physical - it is mental and emotional as well - and that is what his Grandma is nourishing.

Don't say anything, its rude to be honest. I would never tell my mother what to cook in her own home. she would kill me

YAB a bit precious. My nieces and nephew are quite fussy eaters. They go to my mum's for dinner once a week and she just gives them sausages and chips or pizza and garlic bread or stuff like that because she knows they'll eat it. She doesn't want their weekly visit to become a battle about food, and she knows they eat properly the rest of the week. She would be very hurt if my sister of brother in law 'had a word' with her about it.

It's once a week, she's not sending him home stuffed on chocolate and crisps and feeling sick; or hyper after three glasses of coke.

I'm thinking that the fish fingers/breaded chicken/waffle go in the oven.

So if she's boiling pasta, she might as well be boiling veg!

YABU - I thought this was going to be a McDonalds thread or deep fried Mars bar thread or something!

Don't think it's really worth mentioning for once a week, maybe if it were more frequent.

We were once visiting pils for an hour & My 1 year old was eating some mango and melon which Id taken with us (we were out for the day and just called in there) and my fil snatched it from her little chubby hand and said 'yack, you don't want that awful stuff your mummy gives you, I'll get you a biscuit out if our kitchen. Silly mummy' .....! Odd creatures in laws!!!

Oh clockingoff I've not even mentioned the biscuits, chocolate buttons and ice cream he also gets every time he goes

kewcumber that's not what I meant, I did post earlier that I absolutely wouldn't expect her to try and make him eat it. I don't either, I just make sure he has some on his plate (and tell him he has to eat some if he wants ketchup!)

To be honest I wouldn't bother saying anything. He can easily catch up on his veg intake earlier in the day. Is he at home with you then or at nursery?

It's lovely he has time with his grandmother every week and I would say the benefits of that alone outweigh the carb heavy meal.

My PIL used to have my DC 1 day a week and I learned pretty quickly that I had to let them find their own way. They do things differently to me sometimes (in some cases better!), but their first priority is always their grandchildren. They don't go there every week now, but they do look forward to sleep overs and it's lovely to see them slip right into their own routine which they share with their GP's. It's what memories are made of!

Don't say anything.

She will quite rightly think you are a controlling precious mummy if you do.I would.

I would raise it with her. Breaded whatever, pasta, and potato waffles all in one meal is ridiculous, especially if you're trying to get his overall diet to be healthier.

my chldren are both nearly teens and have never been fed anything other than pizza and chips with cake for pudding by one grandma. Even they are a bit sick of it now but its not the end of the world.

My DM does similar with my DD. But it really isn't going to hurt her to have a beige meal occasionally. If DD is at my DM's for tea, I even out her fruit and veg intake by chucking some blueberries in with her cheerios or add some peas to her lunch, that kind of thing. Their diet over a week is far more important than each individual meal being balanced.