Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Do I ask mil to change what she's feeding ds1?

90 replies

Tory79 · 24/02/2015 11:59

Background:
No mil issues, she's lovely, we get on fine
Ds1(3) goes for tea once a week, at her request. Obviously I'm very grateful for the break (although I still have ds2 with me) but just to be clear its not a favour or childcare.

So, mil is not a lover of cooking, anything that requires any real cooking seems to strike fear in to her! As a result, ds tea consists of either fishcakes or breaded chicken, waffles AND pasta (plain) AND a slice of bread and butter. I don't care about the fishcakes/chicken it's not the worst thing in the world, but I feel a bit about the totally unnecessary carb fest and total lack of vegetables!

Wibu to ask her to switch eg the pasta for some peas?! Or do I just leave it?

OP posts:

Margaretinbloom · 24/02/2015 12:24

What an ungrateful person, carbs are essential and I see nothing wrong with her meal. Butter is healthy.

Mrscog · 24/02/2015 12:24

If it was everyday or more than once a week I would consider saying something, but once a week I'd just leave it, it won't affect his tastes long term as long as you're ensuring a healthy, varied diet for all other meals.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 24/02/2015 12:25

I totally get where you're coming from. PIL had DD two days a week including overnight as childcare for us (unpaid and we were very grateful). We therefore didn't mention the McDonalds on each of those two days with accompanying Fruit Shoot. Plus PIL also bought them for drinking the rest of the time. There were some other food related things too, but again, free childcare!

We only raised it when DD had to go to hospital with severe irritation around her bottom. Following hospital advice, it got better when sugar was reduced and we had to talk to PIL about not giving her Fruit Shoots and other high sugar foods/drinks.

Personally, I'd leave it, it won't be long term and particularly now our DD is older (5), she likes a good range of adult food including vegetables. If they do have her, she has a normal adult meal and they only take her to McDs for a treat.

EdSheeran · 24/02/2015 12:25

He eats 21 meals a week and I assume you feed him a healthy, balanced diet, so why does 1 meal matter so much?

WiggleGinger · 24/02/2015 12:27

Leave it.
Let them enjoy their time together
Does DS eat it ? Does he complain? Is he left hungry/ too full?
If they are both having a nice time then as others have said its only 1/21 meals there's nothing bad that's going to happen!

Eminado · 24/02/2015 12:29

Less of the biscuits eh?

OP i'd suggest telling her you're struggling to get him to eat veg and ask if she has any suggestions. She propably hasn't thought about it that much and gonebfor quick, sure fire "hits".

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 24/02/2015 12:31

This sounds fine to be honest, it's OK as a one meal.

Ex Mil used to care for ds (in my house) while I worked shifts. She used to feed him 2 slices of toast for supper. I'd get back at 9:30-10pm and he'd be starving so I'd have to feed him again. My fridge was always full so there was no excuses really. She'd often take him out for the day, picking him up at 9am, and give him a small bowl of chips for lunch, nothing else until he was dropped off at 4pm. She got really offended when I explained that this wasn't a great deal of food and he wasn't growing so he needed a but more, and said she couldn't afford organic stuff Fishcakes, waffles and pasta sounds like a banquet compared to this

bigbluestars · 24/02/2015 12:32

tory- I am not surprised that you are upset.

I would be annoyed too.
Even one meal like you describe could cause long term damage- I would nip it in the bud now.
Your MIL is being very passive-agressive.

JohnCusacksWife · 24/02/2015 12:37

For crying out loud, relax! It's one meal a week. It's not the best but it's not the worst. If you're feeding him well the rest of the time then it's going to do him no harm at all.

CrystalCove · 24/02/2015 12:37

bigbluestars what are you on about?

Purplepoodle · 24/02/2015 12:38

Wouldn't stress. It's once a week. Mine have chips or something similar deep fried with not a veg in site every Saturday at their nans.

SummerHouse · 24/02/2015 12:39

I don't understand why people are so rude in their responses. Hope you take it with a pinch of salt op (reduced sodium) . I let the mil feed what she likes to my boys. To make life easier for her I offered to do a pack up for them and she was v happy with that. It does sound like a lot of unnecessary hassle to plate up quite so many carbs. I would say "mil, you are going to too much trouble. Just give him one of the carb options. If you think his plate looks empty I could send him with carrot sticks or cucumber sticks if that helps."

piggychops · 24/02/2015 12:43

Choose your battles OP, but I don't think this is one of them.

GetSober · 24/02/2015 12:44

Wow, the biscuit-throwers are out in force today. Lovely.

OP, I can understand your concerns and I don't think it would do any harm to ask your MIL if there was any way she could try to get a bit of veg into DS. Obviously couched in terms of how much you know he enjoys going to hers for tea, how glad you are that they have this time together, and how you appreciate the chance for a bit of one on one time with DC2. Also, as pp have said, approach it as a shared problem that you'd like her help with, not as an "I am his mum and I decree x, y and z" type thing.

I wouldn't criticise her existing menus at all - as others have said, for a once-weekly meal at Granny's that really is fine - just gently suggest some additions. It's no effort at all to microwave a little bowl of peas, or chop a carrot. If she is unable or unwilling to do that (perhaps due to arthritis, or some other condition that makes it hard for her to use knives), perhaps you could (after agreeing it with her!) send him with a tub of pre chopped veg, or suggest that she buys some little bags of same from the supermarket.

But either way, if MIL isn't keen I wouldn't push it. From what you describe, this really isn't worth hurting her feelings or damaging your relationship for.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 24/02/2015 12:44

OP if you have a good relationship with your mil and generally get on well then I honestly don't see the harm in mentioning it.

As pp have suggested, just mention that you are struggling to get your ds to eat veg and would she mind trying him on some sweetcorn or cherry tomatoes or something to see if she has better luck than you.

dobedobedo · 24/02/2015 12:49

uh oh OP. You can't say anything negative about a MIL on this board.

yanbu. Ask her to serve peas, say you're trying to get them to eat better and you need her help.

EponasWildDaughter · 24/02/2015 13:02

Under the circumstances that OP has described, ie: needing MIL to help with getting DS to see eating veg at mealtimes seen as normal ...

(what's with all the knee jerk digs at OP about being precious and anti MILs?)

... i think your best bet would be to appeal to MIL in a way that flatters, such as: ''MIL, little DS loves his tea at yours, and i'm getting nowhere with getting him to eat more veg, could help me by popping a bit of green veg on his plate when you have him - he might eat it for you''.

SummerHouse · 24/02/2015 13:04

^^ well said

Original poster

Tory79 · 24/02/2015 13:31

I'm definitely not anti mil!

And I if I do say something it will definitelybe along the lines of trying to encourage ds to eat more veg in general rather than making it a thing about what she's giving him.

Dh is just as bad, and ive previously been told on here to let that go as well.... But a meal here a meal there it all adds up!

Interestingly it was my mum (also a mil) who thought I ought to say something! (And yes she and mil get on just fine!)

OP posts:

googoodolly · 24/02/2015 13:31

So long as it's not everyday, I think it's fine. Surely grandparents are supposed to spoil you and not force-feed you fruit and veg?!

My nan used to sneak me kitkat bars and always "accidentally" gave my granddad all the spinach so I didn't have to have any I ate fruit and veg at home and at school - going without one meal a week isn't a problem, honestly!

Original poster

Tory79 · 24/02/2015 13:37

Ha, I wouldnt be asking her to try and make him eat it, I don't do that anyway. Just to have it on the plate and let him get on with it.

OP posts:

oldgrandmama · 24/02/2015 13:42

Oh please, leave it ... it's once a week and I bet your daughter has a blast with grandmamma. Please don't make her feel bad. You've the rest of the week to make sure your daughter eats all the right stuff.

oldgrandmama · 24/02/2015 13:43

Sorry, son, not daughter.

MerryMarigold · 24/02/2015 13:48

Originally I thought being a bit precious and all that, but I see more where you are coming from, as making it normal/ part of a treat. No doubt it is a bit of a treat to go to Granny's for tea, and if there's no veg, it makes no veg seem like a treat too. I'd say something along the lines of the PP's about asking for her help in getting him to eat more veg. Rather than telling her he has to have peas. She may come up with something new that he tries because he's in her house.

Patatas · 24/02/2015 13:49

I would leave it to be honest, one day a week won't hurt him and won't form any bad habits for when he is at home.

I have to bite my tongue with what my DM feeds my DS, I did try and bring it up once but it wasn't taken very well and pretty much ignored anyway. I would much rather they just enjoy having him and not think about the food side of it, than risk upsetting anyone again. I have learnt that generally grandparents want to spoil their GC, so let them.

Flip

1 2 3 4