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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I ask mil to change what she's feeding ds1?

90 replies

Tory79 · 24/02/2015 11:59

Background:
No mil issues, she's lovely, we get on fine
Ds1(3) goes for tea once a week, at her request. Obviously I'm very grateful for the break (although I still have ds2 with me) but just to be clear its not a favour or childcare.

So, mil is not a lover of cooking, anything that requires any real cooking seems to strike fear in to her! As a result, ds tea consists of either fishcakes or breaded chicken, waffles AND pasta (plain) AND a slice of bread and butter. I don't care about the fishcakes/chicken it's not the worst thing in the world, but I feel a bit about the totally unnecessary carb fest and total lack of vegetables!

Wibu to ask her to switch eg the pasta for some peas?! Or do I just leave it?

OP posts:

Dontunderstand01 · 24/02/2015 14:10

I have no one to talk my DS as his grandparents are not interested.... if any one of them cared enough as your MIL I would be over the moon. I being completely hormonal and dramatic but omg, you don't know howlucky you are. Who gives a monkeys if it is the most nutritional meal.

YABVU.

scrunchiemount · 24/02/2015 14:17

YABU. Since when did carbs become the enemy anyway?! I have to question slightly what modern parenting is coming to if a bit of pasta or a potato waffle is seen as really bad. Maybe if she was giving him Maccy D's every day I'd see your point...

Notso · 24/02/2015 14:18

I used to have chocolate cake and chocolate milkshake for breakfast at my Grandmas. In a cafe. It was brilliant.

BlackeyedSusan · 24/02/2015 14:24

options:

send him with raw peeled carrot as a snack.

give him the carrot when he is at home for supper.

ask for her advice on getting more veggies into him, does she think that giving him veggie burgers would be an option (and find some to put in her freezer that are not too bad additive wise.) ask her whether she thinks he will eat veggies for grandma.

Halogenaque · 24/02/2015 14:30

Wow some people have been very unkind. I agree it's no big deal and you shouldNt worry but If you get on fine I don't think there's be any harm in saying 'ooh am trying to up his veg at the moment would you mind trying to chuck some peas or broccoli on his plate if not too much trouble'. (I wouldn't be thrilled to be honest about having that kind of crap once a week even if there was some veg but everyone is different).

kewtogetin · 24/02/2015 14:34

I can't believe you would damage your relationship with your MIL for a spoonful of peas....

Original poster

Tory79 · 24/02/2015 14:34

Just to be clear, I don't have an issue with carbs!! I live on them I just don't think need you need 3 different lots in one meal!

OP posts:

crocodiledundeelady · 24/02/2015 14:34

God some commenters are so mean. I guess I agree that for one meal per week it's fine, but I don't think there would be anything wrong with finding a sensitive way to raise either. And if he went to stay with her or started eating there more often personally I would raise it.

Halogenaque · 24/02/2015 14:41

Agree with crocodile why does OP suggesting some peas automatically become causing some kind of rift with MIL?

MayLuke83 · 24/02/2015 14:46

OP, repost this is in a few months and replace MIL with your own mother or other family member. You'd get a fairer response.

Feminine · 24/02/2015 14:47

There is no reason to suggest peas though.
It is irrational to worry about one meal.
It is *your job to work on it.. If you are concerned.
I am sure his meals (with you) are well thought out, so l would relax over this. :)

bumbleymummy · 24/02/2015 14:51

I don't see the harm in asking if he can just have potatoes OR pasta and adding in some vegetables. Or maybe just send some carrot sticks/pepper or something around for a snack during the day so she doesn't have to prepare it?

alteredbeast · 24/02/2015 14:57

My MIL feeds my two eldest (school age) absolute nonsense when they go for tea.

Chicken teddies and unlimited biscuits/ice cream/pudding etc. They have her wrapped round their little fingers as I know she won't say no to them!

Inwardly, yes it mildly annoys me (MIL is a good cook!). But really I know it won't kill them and its good of MIL to feed them for
me. So I would never say anything. I just make sure they eat healthier meals at home.

It's a real grandparents thing I think. They want to spoil them with treats and avoiding battles. I think it's a special relationship which I try not to interfere with. It's important they get on with it themselves. I'd only say something about a real issue tbh.

But yes, I do think it would be nice if she would make them a home cooked healthy tea (which they would eat) and I could then give them oven crap!

Idontseeanysontarans · 24/02/2015 15:03

If you'd have posted that YOU had put that many carbs in his school lunchbox you would have had 200 snippy sods at your throat by now...

bumbleymummy · 24/02/2015 15:06

Very true Idontsee! :)

Halogenaque · 24/02/2015 15:09

So true!

bunnyhipsdontlie · 24/02/2015 15:19

Why is everybody so angry at Op wanting her MIL to replace one of the 62 sources of carbs in her DS meal by vegetables?

I would tell her that I struggle to give DS vegetables and ask if she could try to give him some peas instead of bread to see if he would accept it from her as he is always so happy to eat at Granma's (blablablah)

Waltonswatcher · 24/02/2015 15:34

I agree with you op.
I wouldn't want my kids eating crap once a week .
I'd do as bunny suggests - flatter granny and suggest she's the one he will listen to and copy .

Jengnr · 24/02/2015 16:17

If you're going to do it the only way is the 'he won't eat these for me can you see if he will for you?' way.

Personally I wouldn't bother. My boy gets fed all kinds of treats at his grandparents. I just don't ask many questions and give him loads of fruit and veg at home.

Kewcumber · 24/02/2015 16:20

If you'd have posted that YOU had put that many carbs in his school lunchbox you would have had 200 snippy sods at your throat by now...

Ummm... because that's not one missing portion of veg a week that's at least 5 possibly more.

If OP is not capable of saying "can you lob some veg on the plate too as we're trying to get him to eat more veg" without consulting MN then I'm guessing that either she knows her MIL will take it as a dig at her unhealthy tea or that she feels the need to screw up the courage to raise it. IN either scenario I wouldn't bother for the sake of one portion of veg a week.

shushpenfold · 24/02/2015 16:21

Lob him a raw carrot when he gets home!

MerryMarigold · 25/02/2015 12:06

OP, if you vote Tory, on the other hand, YABVVVVVVU!

Writerwannabe83 · 25/02/2015 12:10

Dear Lord. Relax

Marmiteandjamislush · 25/02/2015 12:25

Op, not to be rude to your MIL, but does she understand what pasta is? I only ask, because when we were younger our gran used to look after us a lot and she used to give it to us plain as you describe, as if it were a vegetable! My dad had to explain to her that it wasn't and she stopped. Though I appreciate she is probably much more cosmopolitan than my gran ever was, it might be worth checking!

NeedABumChange · 25/02/2015 12:28

Sorry I disagree with most posters.

One crap meal a week is quite often, like a takeaway once a week is a lot.

It's not exactly hard to shove peas in the microwave, quicker than pasta. I'd ask her. It means you can't ever have a lazy dinner if he's already being fed crap once a week.

Although I wouldn't worry about carbs for a three year old

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