Children's joint birthday parties

[Dreamsweet]

Ok. So 4 year old DS was invited to a joint birthday party yesterday. The party invitation was from 2 children in his class. One of whom DS is friends with, the other DS never even mentions, although I am aware of him and his mother. We gratefully accepted the invitation.

DS attended the party, there was a children's entertainer there. A fab entertainer who does lots of local parties and who the children love. DS took two presents, one for each child that the invitation came from. DS had a great time, thanked both mums, left with cake and a mask and with memories of a lovely, albeit pretty standard, party.

Fast forward to today. I am walking DS to school this morning and am walking behind one of the party organiser mums (the mum of the child that DS is not friends with). To my horror I hear her say to another mum 'you won't believe some of the presents DS got. I mean, we gave (insert name of entertainer), food and party bags and all DS received as a present was a dinosaur sticker book and a pen.'

I am mortified. I know they were talking about the gifts that my own son gave to the two party boys. I assumed, maybe wrongly, that if the party was split between 2 children then the present buying would also be. Hence I spent £5 on each child. Had the party been organised by one family and for one child, I would have spent £10 as usual. So, I am asking AIBU for spending £5 on each child or should I have spent £10 on each child. How do joint parties work?

We recently had a joint party for dd2 with a friend from her class, it was her first biggish party. It meant we could afford an entertainer and the organising was much easier. I think most children bought both girls presents, except the other child's neighbour, who we don't know. Any presents gratefully received. We had lots of colouring/sticker books/pens type presents. But it was more about dd2 having a party with her new friends from school.

Nothing wrong with what you did at all, and its what I do myself. DD was invited to a treble birthday party by 3 of her classmates so they had £10 spent between them - sticker books all round that time.

I have though on occasion (when there have been double parties) not bothered buying anything for a child who is not in my daughters circle of friends. There was a disco party recently for one of DD's close friends which was a joint party together with a girl from the other yr 3 class. Sent DD along with a card for the other girl but nothing else as I considered she was the guest of her friend so no present required for the other girl.

That's nothing op at least you didn't turn up to a party to find out it was a joint party and not only that they were bloody twins!!! I still don't know how I missed it. I mean it must have said on the invitation 'from James & Harry' but I must of only read the date & location. My ds never even questioned why he was only handing over one card. I was so embarrassed but luckily I just quickly scribbled Harry's name on it and chucked in another tenner while my mate stood there wetting herself with laughter.

Boozey it wasn't at all mean to your DS, unless you encourage him to believe he is entitled to a present from everyone, same as his bratty bragging friends mother evidently did too.
And at nine he should know better. You're grabby.

Actually, I sort of agree with Boozy - I would feel pretty pissed off if a someone gave only a present to the other child if they were just as friendly with both the other child and my DS. It IS making a statement, if it's about lack of funds, you split the money in 2, if the children like different things - you buy different things then. But to get 1 child a present and not the other when they are both friends of your child? That's shitty!

I recently took DS to a joint birthday party and really had to think about the present choices. I found some brilliant things on special (super discount, 70% off so they ended up with a present worth 3 times more than normal as I still spent the same amount of money!!!), but 1 was much better than the other, but it was Star Wars and the other child doesn't like Star Wars, and so there was a slight inequality about the price and value of the presents (sale price cheaper and original price cheaper), but I knew the other present was so much more suitable for the other child. You TRY to keep it equal if your child is equally friendly with both of the birthday children.

I'm doubting myself now! I have 3 children close together and they get invited to lots of parties. The last one was a joint one for two brothers. I sent two gift vouchers of £15 each. Should I have sent a present each from my kids? (So effectively 6x £5 vouchers, 3 for each birthday boy?)

YANBU. What a vile woman. My DSD got given a box of Maltesers once, I couldn't have given a toss. I knew the family were struggling and DSD wrote exactly the same thank you note as she did for the gifts she received that cost much more. Way to teach your kid to be an entitled brat....

Flatwarmcoke - parents of twins often buy separate presents from their DTs in order to differentiate between them. So many people treat them as one entity.

3 close together, I would choose. Sith my 2 - sometimes if the other DS is invited as an 'extra' because they know I haven't got anyone else to look after him, or he is there because he knows a sibling of the birthday child and is company for them I will let them choose another, sometimes smaller, present, other times I choose a larger present from the both of them.

With parents of other children I know well (and I know wouldn't get offended) I often inquire if there is anything 'larger' that their child wants that some of the guests could chip in to buy together. Some have said yes, others were wishy washy with their answers so I took it as a subtle no. When we've done the joint present we then buy a 'token' present such as hair band or bubble wand so our DC have something to take to the party.

I would find that remark extremely rude and grabby. Whether it's a joint party or not, I think the gift you gave was perfectly acceptable. You can always have more pens and sticker books!

DS was invited to a joint fourth birthday party last year and I got two cheaper gifts for around the £5 mark. Children's parties are about having a good time not getting expensive gifts IMO - and children always seem to get overloaded with stuff at birthdays.

OP I wonder if you'll recieve a Thank You card for your present? I'm thinking maybe not....which gives you the chance to complain VERY LOUDLY about ungrateful sods who don't appreciate the thought and effort that goes into present buying.

I would have been relieved not to receive 30xplastic toys!

Awful behaviour to publicly complain about any present. But the sticker book and pen was perfectly appropriate so doubly awful. Wonder if the person she moaned to thought she was a dick.

Etiquette for joint parties is either half the budget or spend the full budget on each child - either fine and I have done both before. Depends on lots of things. Joint parties happen for a variety of reasons as well so each situation is different. What you did was fine.