Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to take dd on holiday without DH?

90 replies

Knottingnotknitting · 23/02/2015 16:09

DH and I got married abroad last October. We had a great time but there was some friction between my dh and my dm and dsis over my nieces behaviour (she is 7) and also the amount my sister drank. (A lot) Dh and my sister have never really seen eye to eye tbh.

My sister has a significant birthday coming up, and my parents are taking her and her two children away on holiday as a treat. (She is a LP) They have also offered to pay for dd (3) and I to join them. This is because I had a significant birthday last year, when they were having cash flow problems, and because ill health in October means my dm spent the day of my wedding in agony and unable to help me into my dress, get ready etc. She also missed the reception. Dm has a debilitating illness that is not going to improve, and will probably be wheelchair bound at some point in the future. She has also had extensive cancer treatment.

It is during the Easter break, and dh has work Mon- Fri, and gigs that he can't cancel Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sunday night. I work Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturdays.

The holiday is all inclusive, so we would need very little spending money.

Dh is horrified that I would want to go without him, he says 'we are a family and should holiday together'

I should also add, in the interest of not drip feeding, that they are going for two weeks, but I have already said I would only go for the second week as feel two weeks is a bit unfair on dh.

AIBU to want a holiday with my parents, sister, daughter and nieces whilst my mother is still well enough to do so, or should I forfeit the holiday, and carry on as usual so that I can spend three evenings with dh that week?

OP posts:

KatieScarlettreregged · 23/02/2015 17:59

I took DC and their friends away alone every Easter for years. DH ditto in summer (camping).
He did a dance when waving us off. I had a ball when it was my turn. House to oneself for a week? Lovely.
What is wrong with your man?

Original poster

Knottingnotknitting · 23/02/2015 19:20

Just to be clear,I am going, I just wanted to be sure I wasn't being unfair.

OP posts:

Original poster

Knottingnotknitting · 23/02/2015 19:21

Assuming of course I can get the week off that is.

OP posts:

KatieScarlettreregged · 23/02/2015 19:25

Good
Hope you have a great time.

DisappointedOne · 23/02/2015 19:26

I go away with DD without DH all the time.

littleleftie · 23/02/2015 19:28

So, to clarify, DM has offered to pay for you, DH and DD to go on holiday at Easter. DH says he cannot get the time off then and thinks DM should change the date of the family holiday to accommodate him?

If that is correct then YANBU - it is what is technically known as "tough titty" and I agree with PP that he needs to get over himself.

ahfuckit · 23/02/2015 19:48

I also go away with MIL for a week and leave dp at home, for no good reason other than we want to .

Seriouslyffs · 23/02/2015 20:29

I'm really pleased you're going. We have 3 children and it's too expensive to all go away all the time and for both parents to get time off work at the same time. Last summer DD1 was on a course for a month while DS was stating with his granny to do another course- DH took DD2 away and I followed once DS was free. At half term I took DD on a big holiday- one that I'd taken DD1 on 2 yeas previously. We all went away for christmas and new year and DH has just come back from a week away with DS. There's no way we could afford for all 5 of is to do all those breaks and we all enjoy the time 1:1 or 1:2.
Your DH is being petulant but could you perhaps sweeten the pill by asking your parents or sister to have DD for a short break so you two can go away together.

AcrossthePond55 · 23/02/2015 23:00

YADNBU!

DH and I often have different holidays, simply because there are things the other doesn't care to do. He goes backpacking with his mates, my BFF and I go to Disneyland. Guess which holiday the kids wanted to go on! My parents also paid for my sons and I to go on holiday with them every 2 years or so and DH didn't go (usually because he didn't want to use a lot of his vacation time visiting my family in my old home town). My mother once took my boys & I to Hawaii (for a family wedding) whilst DH went backpacking. We never considered any of this to be a big deal. We still had our own family holidays, too, and short breaks now and again.

You go and have a wonderful time. Bring DH a lovely souvenir.

my2centsis · 24/02/2015 03:58

Haven't read the whole thread but if roles were reversed and your dh was going on a family holiday with dd and you were expected to stay at home hoe happy would you be? I think YABU

Pensionerpeep · 24/02/2015 06:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissDuke · 24/02/2015 07:10

My dh would love this to be honest, a week to chill out in the few hours he is off work??? I must admit I would hate it though, and would be very upset if DH went without me, U of me I know, but couldn't help it. I am positive DH wouldn't go though if I had to work.

Hmm in conclusion then..... I think given all the extra updates - hibu - and I really hope that you have a fantastic time!

Ilovehamabeads · 24/02/2015 07:26

Yanbu to holiday with DD and without DH. In my family this is completely normal and I take my 2 DC away all the time without DH. We still have family holidays and days out together as well. Sometimes my parents come too, and sometimes I take them by myself, DH encourages all holidays- he works from home part of the week and school holidays are a nightmare for him!
I don't see any problem at all. Have a great time

Littleturkish · 24/02/2015 07:36

Does he never go away without you?? Stags etc?

Kim82 · 24/02/2015 07:49

We did this last year. My parents paid for me, my kids, my sister and her kids to go away for 2 weeks. Dh didn't mind at all, there was no way we could have afforded for us all to go away if we had to pay. Dh went away for a week with his brother while we were away. That way we all managed a holiday but we only had to pay for dh's.

JudgeRinderSays · 24/02/2015 07:53

would you be happy for your Dh to take your dd away for the weekend with someone you dislike who drinks too much and has vile kids? what if he did it without your consen

Longdistance · 24/02/2015 07:59

Yanbu.

When we lived in Oz I came back to the UK on my own for a month with dds nearly 3yo and 15mo. No dh. He wasn't keen, but I also had some loose ends to tie up here.

We are back now, but I've been away with dds before within the UK too, and again without dh.

It's not like you are going on your own without anyone familiar there.

stitch10yearson · 24/02/2015 08:05

I think you dh is being unreasonable. You are also part of a bigger family.

TheSolitaryWanderer · 24/02/2015 08:15

We do this all the time, as do other members of my family. Sometimes it's not being able to take the time off, sometimes it's that some of us want to go somewhere that the others would find a real strain. We also holiday together.

turningvioletviolet · 24/02/2015 08:21

My dh wouldn't bat an eyelid. He'd say you go and have a lovely time. And he'd genuinely mean it. But then he's not a controlling arse.

TheSolitaryWanderer · 24/02/2015 08:24

Well, yes.
Even without all the additional circumstances that mean this holiday is special, he should be able to understand that you have decades before you to be together. If your marriage works.

Malabrig0 · 24/02/2015 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohtheholidays · 24/02/2015 08:32

YANBU,please go for your's,your DD's and your poor Mum's sake.

I have a debilitating illness,it's unbelievably hard to arrange things.

My lovely Mum passed away last year and I miss her every day.We were really close and spent a lot of time together,but I still wish I'd had more time with her and that our DC had got to spend more time with her and I always will.

I don't think you'll ever regret going but I do believe you'd regret not going.Speak to your DH and explain to him.

molyholy · 24/02/2015 08:44

Yadnbu. My dh isn't exactly best buddies with my sisters but he would be pleased for us if my mum paid for a holiday which he couldn't come on due to work commitments. Go and have a bloody good time with your family.

Bonsoir · 24/02/2015 08:46

Your "D"H is being incredibly selfish. Of course you and your DD should go on holiday with your parents and sister's family.

Flip

1 2 3 4