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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stop ds fucking screaming

52 replies

shutupnow · 22/02/2015 17:35

I am shut in a room away from him. He has screamed, and I mean screamed, for the last hour after losing his screen time for the day after he kicked ds2. This is a rule he knows about, though it has never yet been enforced.

I can't stand it. Surely this is not normal for an 8yr old? I have stayed calm but just snapped at him to shut up and slammed the door on him. I feel doubly worse as they have been away at their dad's since Thursday and this was the last few hours of the holiday and it's ruined. I don't blame their dad - he is prone to these rages anyway, but this is bad even for him.

I feel desperate.

OP posts:
BeeRayKay · 22/02/2015 17:37

And breathe.

And then tell him if he continues screaming he doesn't get screen time for a week!

afreshstartplease · 22/02/2015 17:38

I would tell him if he continues there will be no screen time tomorrow either

lemisscared · 22/02/2015 17:40

do not cave. when he stops offer them something constructive to do.

cathpip · 22/02/2015 17:44

Am with everyone else, you followed through on your threat, well done! Tell him if he carries on screen time will be removed for a week, he will know you mean it now.

EponasWildDaughter · 22/02/2015 17:49

Don't cave in. Every minute of screaming which gets him no where today, will be a minute of screaming he wont bother with next time.

Be strong.

And yes, up the anty by saying if he doesn't stop you'll take his 'screen' to the charity shop tomorrow. Seriously.

(and hide it tomorrow if nec.)

Original poster
shutupnow · 22/02/2015 17:50

Can't cope with this - he's just says ds2 has yanked his arm but I don't know if that is true or not? I'm out of my depth - he's yelling at me that I'm not fair and he hates me

OP posts:
EponasWildDaughter · 22/02/2015 17:51

How old is DS2? I'd bring DS2 away from his brother while this is going on.

steff13 · 22/02/2015 17:52

Can you send him to his room?

Purplepoodle · 22/02/2015 17:52

Leave him in the room and tell him not to.come out until he has stopped screaming

EponasWildDaughter · 22/02/2015 17:53

Oh and the it's not fair and he hates you stuff - water off a ducks back for now.

Lets get him to see the screaming gets him nowhere for today. We can work on the sulking another day :)

PannaDoll · 22/02/2015 17:53

'I don't like you very much right now either DS, keep this up and no screen time for a week'.

QueenofLouisiana · 22/02/2015 17:53

well done on following through on the consequences, that is really important. Make yourself a cup of tea so that you have something to do rather thhan just listening to the howl.

stay focussed on your end goal- no matter what DS may try to tell you, no-one died from not having screen time.

Cake to go with your tea!

MangoBiscuit · 22/02/2015 17:55

He doesn't hate you. But he's 8, and feeling some pretty big emotions that he doesn't know how to cope with yet. I'm in agreement with those who said to tell him that more screaming means no screen time tomorrow. How well can you gauge when DS2 lies? Could you ask him if he pulled DS1s arm? Either way, kicking still isn't appropriate. I'd explain that he'd told you instead of lashing out then he would still have his screen time, and DS2 might well have been in trouble instead, but perhaps when it's all caalmed down a bit.

EponasWildDaughter · 22/02/2015 17:55

I think if you can, i'd get him into his own room to scream.

Then you and DS2 can do something nice and try as hard as you can to block out ignore the racket.

QueenofLouisiana · 22/02/2015 17:55

The "I hate you" is secondary behaviour- ignore it. It is designed to detract attention from the original problem!

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/02/2015 17:56

You can do this Wine

Lovemycatsandkids · 22/02/2015 17:57

You have to cope love that's the deal. Being a parent is bloody hard.

You are totally doing the right thing.

He's having a tantrum. You stay calm, focused and resolute. When he stops bratting then be ready to cuddle and have a de brief chat.

By all jeans chat to your younger child but down be drawn into 'he said, she said' the rules are no physical fighting whatever the provocation.

And we have all been there op. You are not alone. Flowers

Baaaaaaaaaaaa · 22/02/2015 17:59

Please don't tell your child you don't like them (as advised above). it's cruel. What a child hears is "I don't love you".

Stay strong. Don't give in

jellycake · 22/02/2015 18:03

Tell him that his behaviour is unacceptable and that he needs to go to his room and calm down or there will be no screen time tomorrow. If he won't do that, take yourself and dd to a different room and leave him to calm down.
My son used to do this sometimes when he came home from his dad's (he was also a tantrummer made up word until he was about 11). I used to beat myself up about it but you just need to try and stay calm.

misssmapp · 22/02/2015 18:04

Ds1 can have rages like this. What works for us is to send him to his room with instructions to come down when he is calmer. He generally huffs and puffs and bangs and crashes for a bit and then calms down. When things are quieter, I go up and start to talk to him about what led to the rage. I tend to do this whilst playing lego or something with him as he is better if occupied.

We have been doing it this way for a while and the rages are much shorter now- he will now take himself to calm down before the rage sets in, which I think is a good sign.

Good luck

JugglingLife · 22/02/2015 18:04

Shut up, remember he will forget about this very, very quickly unlike you, poor love. I would definitely send mine to their room; they are allowed out once they have calmed down. Calm tone, do not engage, do not discuss. Remove other DCs for their own safety .

ourglass · 22/02/2015 18:04

Your poor thing. You have lots of your plate xx

Nanny0gg · 22/02/2015 18:17

I do think you've done the right thing (although it is very, very hard) but I disagree with those who say that if he doesn't stop he loses screen time tomorrow and onwards.

He's possibly not in control at the moment so any further threats will just exacerbate the situation.

He'll stop eventually.

Good luck.

londonrach · 22/02/2015 18:20

Stay strong op xxx

Marcipex · 22/02/2015 18:28

Remove DS2 from his brothers vicinity.

Tell DS1 plainly that the longer he screams, the more screen time he loses. Specify that he shuts up now or he loses his screen time tomorrow.

Put some loud music on.

Dance around.

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