To think my husband could try and be a bit understanding

[Kitsandkids]

Today is the first day of my period. Sometimes my periods can be horrendous. I once had to cancel travel plans because I felt so ill with it. Today isn't too bad but I feel decidedly bleurgh and not on top form.

Came downstairs with laundry. Kids and husband asked me if we're having lunch out or here before we go out for afternoon. I said I didn't know but had thought I was making something. Husband agreed I would make something.

I go into kitchen to sort laundry. Sent husband a quick text as didn't want to discuss it in front of kids - Today is the first day of my period so I'm not in the best of moods. Just to let you know. Then I added a smiley face to let him know I was just giving him a heads up, not expecting him to do anything.

He replied with this:

That's your problem. Not ours.

AIBU to now be feeling a bit pissed off with that response?? I hadn't argued with him, I'd been pleasant to the children, I just wanted him to know I'm feeling a bit off!

Wow, he's a winner. Is he usually this much of an arsehole? What's he doing whilst you're sorthing the laundry and lunch?

When I feel rotten, I just tell dh, straight out. Why would you be concerned about the children knowing you don't feel great?
That said, his reply is nasty.

Jees.

Text back: 'yeah? Well I'm going to make it your problem douchebag. Wash your own shitty underpants and cook your own fucking lunch. I'll be in the bath'
That should do it.

He sounds like an arsehole, and yes, you have a right to expect better.

I find it odd that you texted rather than just telling him, but we're all different.

Tell him to make the fucking lunch!

To be honest receiving that text would have annoyed me as well.

X post with kew re lunch!

I wouldn't text him back though. I'd talk to him directly.

Thinking about it, my DH isn't that great at doing sympathy, but he would gladly do practical tasks if asked. There is something slightly martyrish about your text - perhaps that annoyed him?

Still, it was a shot response and he was being an arse.

He's right, it is your problem.

So for you to sort out.

imo the best way to do this is to send him and the dcs out for the entire day while you stay home, watch tv, lie in bed, read a book etc, and order in lunch

also he can do the fucking laundry

problem solved!

Serious point: when your life partner tells you they're not in a great mood (especially if adding a smiley face!) I think the correct response is along the lines of sorry to hear that/how can I help?/poor you etc.

YANBU for being pissed off at his rejecting, dismissive, uncaring, nasty reply.
YABU for not immediately ripping his bollocks off and stuffing one down his throat and the other up his arse, and then telling him his resulting bad mood is 'his problem'.

shit not shot!

PS totally get why you sent a text - I wouldn't want to discuss my raging period in front of dcs

PPS hope you feel better soon

I'd be pissed off to receive that text too. You should have spoken to him in person. I get bad periods too but they're not an excuse to take your irritability out on your family. A reason for it, sure, but it's not an excuse.

If you had text him to say "just to let you know, I'm suffering with terrible diarrhea / headache / cystitis / coming down with flu"

would his response have been the same?

Is he normally such a dick?

Why are people so reluctant to talk about periods in front of their DC? Presumably you wouldn't have to go into detail!

Does he have any qualities that balance out the fact he is a prick?

I'm gonna sidle on in hear with one of my usual childish pissy responses.

Make the kids and your self lunch.

And when he looks all hard done by and upset and he asks "where's my lunch?"

Reply ever so calmly "it's your fucking problem, not ours."

Then drift of and do whatever you feel like.

he sounds like a real prince - but I am not sure why you can't say 'sorry I'm feeling a bit blugh - I just got my period' in front of children?

Text back: 'yeah? Well I'm going to make it your problem douchebag. Wash your own shitty underpants and cook your own fucking lunch. I'll be in the bath' said kew

This, with knobs on ^^. Bet you don't, though - gwan gwan, you know you want to!!

What was the tone of the lunch conversation like, OP?

Was it normal conversation or were you bot tense and irritable?

If it was normal then YANBU but if I had just had a tense/snappy conversation with my DH and he sent me a text telling me he wasn't in the best of moods, I would probably have sent a similar reply.

Actually having said that, of course I wouldn't reply to a text, I'd just go and tell him.

I'm just wondering if this was the sort of situation where you 'had to be there'?

*bot = both

Don't mean to drip feed but they're our foster children, not birth children, and only 6 and 7 so I just don't think my period is something I need to introduce them to.

Glad I'm not BU to be annoyed. He is usually lovely. Well, mostly. I'm not going to LTB or anything but I'm glad I'm not the only one who would be pissed off with that response.

Wow! what a cock! YANBU.

My Dh isn't the most sympathetic person around but he understands that sometimes I feel like shite when my period comes and he tries to be kind and show he cares, even if it's just bringing me a hot water bottle.

There was no excuse, other than that he is an arsehole, for his reply.

Hope you feel better soon.

You told him you weren't in the best of moods not that you didn't feel up to scratch physically. I think if I'd got a text like that I might not have reacted too well either. If you'd said you were feeling ill I think it would have been different.