Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think my husband could try and be a bit understanding

60 replies

Kitsandkids · 21/02/2015 12:21

Today is the first day of my period. Sometimes my periods can be horrendous. I once had to cancel travel plans because I felt so ill with it. Today isn't too bad but I feel decidedly bleurgh and not on top form.

Came downstairs with laundry. Kids and husband asked me if we're having lunch out or here before we go out for afternoon. I said I didn't know but had thought I was making something. Husband agreed I would make something.

I go into kitchen to sort laundry. Sent husband a quick text as didn't want to discuss it in front of kids - Today is the first day of my period so I'm not in the best of moods. Just to let you know. Then I added a smiley face to let him know I was just giving him a heads up, not expecting him to do anything.

He replied with this:

That's your problem. Not ours.

AIBU to now be feeling a bit pissed off with that response?? I hadn't argued with him, I'd been pleasant to the children, I just wanted him to know I'm feeling a bit off!

OP posts:

silverblur · 21/02/2015 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2015 13:11

Whoops! Left out part of my post but I meant to say similar to sooty regarding the 'I feel bleurrgh' as opposed to 'I'm not in the best of moods'.

The former would gain a lot more sympathy than the latter from me, especially if the conversation had been tense.

cardibach · 21/02/2015 13:13

Not sure why the cause of the unwell ness is relevant, really. If you didn't want to discuss that in front of the DCs, then just say, 'I'm feeling a bit off, could you put god laundry on? I'll do the lunch then sit down for a bit and see if I'm up to hoping out for the afternoon then'. Keep it simple!

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2015 13:15

Blimey, the OP's expected to do god's laundry too??

Oh where does it end?

I8toys · 21/02/2015 13:17

He's an arse but to text him and not speak to him about it is odd. Anyway he needs to mark down the time on the calendar and know when to expect it ffs.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2015 13:21

Why does he need to mark it down on the calender and know when to expect the OP might be feeling a bit ill?

All she has to do is tell him if she happens to feel unwell, just like I imagine he would probably tell her.

ilovesooty · 21/02/2015 13:23

18toys Perhaps you think he should install an app on his phone as well?

I8toys · 21/02/2015 13:24

It was meant to be tongue in cheek worra. I warn my husband about a week before it happens - wait till you go through the menopause

bettyboop1970 · 21/02/2015 13:27

Take some pain relief and tell him you're going to lie down and he's in charge of DC's. That's what I do, my DP knows I get bad period pain and let's me rest and brings me a cup of tea etc.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2015 13:29

Menopause or not, I think I'd feel a bit creeped out if my DH noted my periods on his calendar

If either of us feels unwell we just tell each other.

championnibbler · 21/02/2015 13:29

op - what do you mean by "well mostly"?

mrssmith79 · 21/02/2015 13:31

Tough one to judge on the basis of the information given. Is he a twat in general? Are you a raging hellbeast for 25% of every month and he's at the end of his rope about it? Do you even realise? Does he? Would he have preferred a quiet word? Or is text the usual for sensitive matters? Who knows! I suppose you had to be there but:
Cock, arse, douchebag, nasty, arsehole, dick?? Nice.

kennyp · 21/02/2015 13:32

i make the most of blob week. chocolate. pain. ouch-ing. early bed. etc. i think your dh is being a bit ploppy if he can't support you when you're feeling ill.

Spinningplates10 · 21/02/2015 13:32

I also think texting him was a bit martyrish. I'd be irritated to discuss and agree plans then get a text from the other room giving me a "heads up". What was the heads up meant to be exactly? I'm guessing it means I'll probably be in a foul mood (well it would if I was sending it!) in which case I wouldn't really blame DH for sending a somewhat arsey response. I just think it sounds a bit attention seeking.

ThingummyJigg · 21/02/2015 13:36

It is each of our own personal decision with whom and how we discuss our periods. If someone's not comfortable discussing it in front of their children, fair enough, no one else's decision to make. Or to judge. I think texting is the solution to telling someone something discretely.

MamaLazarou · 21/02/2015 13:36

YANBU, that was a very insensitive reply.

I always give my husband a heads-up when I'm blobbing - so he knows to expect me to be a bit sensitive.

Have you told him how much his response has upset you?

Awadebumbo · 21/02/2015 13:39

To be honest you sound like a martyr /drama queen, what was the need for that text. If you feel sub par say so and why.

rookiemere · 21/02/2015 13:40

It sounds like your DH is annoyed that one of his domestic appliances is broken - not worried about his DW being in pain.

Have you been to a doctors about your painful periods ? I always had horrendous pain with my periods and only found out when ttc no2 that I have severe endometriosis. I don't get any pain now as I take cerazette without a break - could be worth speaking to your GP about it.

phoenixrose314 · 21/02/2015 13:42

Acting like a douche back is a petty thing to do, don't sink to his level OP. Take him aside and tell him you thought it was a really shitty thing to say, that you were just giving him a heads up in case he was worried you were acting oddly, and like another poster mentioned, would he have said the same if you'd had a migraine/sickness/other ailment?

Just let him know you're hurt. What he does from that point sort of determines whether or not he really IS a douche.

phoenixrose314 · 21/02/2015 13:43

I think the majority of Mumsnet has a warped concept of what martyrdom is...!

GingerLDN · 21/02/2015 14:07

YAB a little U. I think it is a bit odd that you sent him a text like that - it's like you're warning him to be on his best behaviour, and if he's taken it that way no wonder you got an arsey (which it was) response.

WyrdByrd · 21/02/2015 14:09

If he's usually a decent bloke, perhaps it was a case of 'lost in translation' as often happens with text/email communications as opposed to face to face one.

If that's not the case then it's a crappy response & you probably should have words later.

CalleighDoodle · 21/02/2015 14:10

Texting your partner when in the next room is one step behind facebooking them.

But his response was ridiculous.

diddl · 21/02/2015 14:15

Odd all round imo!

texting about periods?

Crap response from him though!

My husband would know from my mood or that sanpro was visible in the bathroom.

rookiemere · 21/02/2015 16:05

I get why the OP texted. Speaking as one who has endometriosis which is now thankfully under control, it's embarassing as well as incredibly painful to have bad periods.

Maybe some of you are trendy and cool with your kids, but when I'm in excruciating agony the last thing I would want to do is announce to my 8 year old DS that I was having my period so we could have a jolly old discussion about what that meant. In the same way that having to describe to my male boss at the time why I was in pain was horrible too.

If you don't have painful periods (which could well be endometriosis) you don't understand it. I found many women to be incredibly unsympathetic. My own DM is a qualified doctor, but never ever came to the obvious conclusion that I had Endo because my periods were so painful, even though my cousin was diagnosed with it a number of years ago.

There's this underlying assumption that you are weak and can't cope with the pain if you complain about periods. If men had them, I bet they'd have paid leave once a month and a red badge you could wear to warn people to be nice to you.

Flip

1 2 3