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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband could try and be a bit understanding

60 replies

Kitsandkids · 21/02/2015 12:21

Today is the first day of my period. Sometimes my periods can be horrendous. I once had to cancel travel plans because I felt so ill with it. Today isn't too bad but I feel decidedly bleurgh and not on top form.

Came downstairs with laundry. Kids and husband asked me if we're having lunch out or here before we go out for afternoon. I said I didn't know but had thought I was making something. Husband agreed I would make something.

I go into kitchen to sort laundry. Sent husband a quick text as didn't want to discuss it in front of kids - Today is the first day of my period so I'm not in the best of moods. Just to let you know. Then I added a smiley face to let him know I was just giving him a heads up, not expecting him to do anything.

He replied with this:

That's your problem. Not ours.

AIBU to now be feeling a bit pissed off with that response?? I hadn't argued with him, I'd been pleasant to the children, I just wanted him to know I'm feeling a bit off!

OP posts:
ohbollocks2u · 21/02/2015 16:14

Has he apologised OP ?

Don't understand why posters are so concerned as to why you don't want to discuss your periods in front of your foster children , most odd

Hope you are feeling better

Seekingtheanswers · 21/02/2015 16:15

I have always had painful periods, to the point of making me vomit at times. If I don't take ibuprofen at just the right time, it can completely wipe me out for a day or two.

All the more reason to let my dd know about periods from an early age, in my view, so that she understands when I have a problem. I wouldn't have to have a discussion about what they were with an 8yo, because she has known about them since she was a toddler - no big deal.

It has nothing to do with bring cool and trendy. It does have something to do with the fact that periods are a perfectly normal bodily function and nothing to be ashamed of.

diddl · 21/02/2015 16:19

It doesn't have to be announced in front of the kids though!

Surely it's possible to say something in passing without the kids overhearing?

SylvaniansKeepGettingHoovered · 21/02/2015 16:21

I find it so odd that you texted someone who was in the same house as you, how strange. My mother was coy & secretive about periods too, I'm not like that with my DC (who are 8yrs and 6yrs old). Nothing to do with me wanting to be 'trendy' (I don't see anything trendy about it?!) just, I see periods the same way as a headache or a sore foot, i.e. not something to be ashamed of.

Seekingtheanswers · 21/02/2015 16:24

My mother was coy & secretive about periods too

So was mine, sylvanians. I was determined not to be like that with dd, as it made the whole thing so bloody embarrassing when I was a teenager!

TopazRocks · 21/02/2015 16:52

His response IS a bit off, yes. Very mean and self-centred in fact. But I wonder why you mentioned 'mood' and not just that you aren't feeling great due to having your period. My experiences of my DH is that I do have to spell things out. Rather a lot sometimes. Smile Which, if I want results, would include saying what I want HIM to do about it - e.g. take the DC out while I rest/sit on the loo exsanguinating Shock; prepare the lunch, whatever.

While I'm not coy exactly around periods, I do get the feeling of not wanting to actually discuss them - esp. when they are bad and I feel grim.

BTW what was he doing while you were making lunch?

GingerLDN · 21/02/2015 17:01

Actually thinking about it again, it sounds a bit like you want a free pass to be mean ie I've got my period so it's not my fault if I'm snapping at you for no reason. He may have taken it that way?

Northernparent68 · 21/02/2015 20:14

What response did you expect OP ?

Original poster
Kitsandkids · 21/02/2015 21:03

Well, I've talked to him now the kids are in bed and he said he thought I was saying I might be snappy all day and he didn't think that was okay. I guess I can see his point of view. I don't moan on all day on my period, I just meant I might not be on 'top form' due to feeling a bit rough, and was keeping him in the loop in case he got worried I was feeling ill or anything. Anyway, storm in a teacup really and it's all over and done with.

I do understand the people who say they have explained about periods since their kids were little. If these were my birth kids I probably would have done the same. But they're not and I don't think it would be seen as appropriate for me to talk about my periods to them. They have no knowledge of such things so it would spark a billion questions from them. Bless them, they drive me mad with their constant questions on good days, so I find it really hard to deal with loads of questions on days I'm feeling a bit off!

Equally, if I had just said I wasn't feeling too well that would also have sparked lots of questions. Then they never seem to hear me the first time I say anything so I would have to repeat all my answers! Which drives me mad as it is! They were sitting on my husband's lap so no chance of telling him discreetly although yes, I could have waited until later, or just said nothing at all. My dad was quite sickly when I was young and I was always so worried about him when I knew he was ill, and I don't want to have children worrying unnecessarily about me. I just wanted my husband to show a little bit of understanding!

OP posts:
MrsTedCrilly · 21/02/2015 21:08

YANBU! No need for an arsey response like that! I warn my partner too so he doesn't think he's in the doghouse Wink

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