Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect to be consulted about hen do costs

56 replies

Boosiehs · 20/02/2015 10:13

before the bridesmaids booked it?

an old friend of mine is getting married. i'm thrilled for her, and said yes to the hen do. it was mentioned that it would be in a cottage somewhere, but no costs, so i was quite frankly astounded to receive an email asking me for over £250 last night to cover 2 nights accom costs ONLY! further costs for booze and food and entertainment nearer the time.

no chance to comment, deposit had already been paid.

i don't know the bridesmaids, and i am going to go, as i love the bride dearly and don't want to cause a fuss or problem for her, but AIBU to be very pissed off??

OP posts:
Fishingforadvice · 20/02/2015 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ubik1 · 20/02/2015 10:19

Bloody hell Shock

For the hen do?

SavoyCabbage · 20/02/2015 10:20

Yanbu. I would hold off on paying up for a few days in the hope that someone else objects.

MaidOfStars · 20/02/2015 10:22

They told you it wouldn't cost, booked it and are now asking you for £250?

Email the organiser and ask her to clarify.

OnceUponATimeAgain · 20/02/2015 10:23

not - YANBU - i'd say, you should have told me full costs before booking, and you'll have to decline (if you cant actually afford it/dont want to spend that much money even if you can afford it)

firesidechat · 20/02/2015 10:24

How on earth can it be that much? Solid gold taps? Mink throws?

7 of us staying in a very nice upmarket cottage for a week at a cost of £425 for all of us.

I wouldn't go, but I'm a stroppy old thing.

MaidOfStars · 20/02/2015 10:25

Oh, and you'll get loads of people slating the idea of a hen do weekend/spoiled princesses/in my day...which misses the point entirely. £20 or £200, it's all relative. The point is: you are being asked for money you'd been told wasn't necessary.

Original poster
Boosiehs · 20/02/2015 10:25

sorry, to clarify they didn't tell us how much it would cost when they asked if we wanted to go.

glad it seems i'm not being unreasonable here!

OP posts:
firesidechat · 20/02/2015 10:26

I would expect costs, so that was a bit weird, but not that much.

firesidechat · 20/02/2015 10:27

Oh I see. You knew there were costs, but not how much.

Fudgeface123 · 20/02/2015 10:28

How many are going? £250 per person for accommodation seems a lot...cottages are not that expensive to rent at this time of year. I'd be asking to see the booking confirmation/invoice and see what has been charged

FireflySerenity · 20/02/2015 10:29

YANBU. If the bride fancies a cottage then she should pay. I hate the new trend of weddings where it's a case of let's see how much we can get the guests to pay for some don't have too.

I wouldn't go either and would be telling the bride why.

flipchart · 20/02/2015 10:29

I would be googling the cottage to see how much it costs to rent out and see how many are going. I'm guessing approx 6 which would make it £1,500 for a two night booking.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/02/2015 10:31

Sounds like a breakdown in comms...

Yes I'd be a bit put out... But it is all relative to income... Where is is `anchored'- eg now 250£ to me would be a huge amount... However, when I was working in a well- paid job I would have been a bit put out if others raised objections to this paltry amount...

Grumpyrealist77 · 20/02/2015 10:31

This is now the norm, unfortunately.
Just been on a stag do, had a great time, BUT, I don't drink as much as everyone else, try to be frugal with the very little spare cash I have and hate the competitive spending that my more well-off friends partake in.
However, we all had to put in the same amount of money for joint alcohol, booked tables,etc, without it being discussed.
Don't mind going to celebrate friends last 'night of freedom', but when a large group of people earn vastly different wages, not everyone can be expected to pay the same (stupid) amounts of money.
YANBU.

Postchildrenpregranny · 20/02/2015 10:32

DD1going to a hen do this weekend .The event is £100 (for the day) plus 2 meals ,drinks and clubbing after and she has been asked for £25 to cover the bride 's costs .She is very annoyed at the assumption that everyone is well paid -she works in charity sector and is not -and can afford close on £200 for one day ( and she at least won't incur any travel costs) She wasnt given any indication it would be this much and had assumed it would just be a meal and drinks .She knows the bride would be horrified if she knew ( event organised by the chief bridesmaid who by all account turned into a Bridezilla for her own do) DD is going because she loves the bride dearly but is quite resentful
What gets into people ...you
must be staying in a mansion at that price OP (I payed £140 for three nights in a 4 bed huge house in a very nice area last year-there were 4 of us but it would have slept8 if sharing)

flipchart · 20/02/2015 10:32

*sorry, to clarify they didn't tell us how much it would cost when they asked if we wanted to go.'

I learned along time ago to be vague about accepting offers like this and never agree to being put on the spot ( about anything!)

Yes, I have been stung too!

MaidOfStars · 20/02/2015 10:36

OK, I see.

Only you know if £250 is affordable/reasonable within the group (given your financial situations/jobs of the guests/etc).

I'm guessing not though. I also think it sounds high for accommodation only. Can you ask for details and check out the price for yourself?

Postchildrenpregranny · 20/02/2015 10:37

Sorry should have been clear-cottage was £560 for 3 nights ..In May .It was an old rectory and very des .Not weekend admittedly, but even so ...I'd definitely query the cost!

Original poster
Boosiehs · 20/02/2015 10:37

im just pissed off. i do have a good job, but we are going through a pretty shitty time right now (husband has life limiting illness) and a toddler.

im just a bit pissed off that someone saw fit to arrange a £400+ weekend without consulting people how much they could afford/wanted to spend.

grrrrrr.

i have been stung. i know it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boosiehs · 20/02/2015 10:38

ive seen the venue. its nearer 3.5k for a weeksnd for 14 girls, so i have to share a room on top of that! i could have stayed at a really bloody fancy hotel for that!

OP posts:
TheIronGnome · 20/02/2015 10:40

I dont agree with them not giving you a ball park figure, but really nice accommodation is that amount, trust me- I'm planning a hen atm, for a December hen party, so not peak season either.

They should have made the costs clearer to you, but I is a tricky tricky thing to organise a big group of people who you don't know, for a weekend away without putting anyone's noses out of joint.

Postchildrenpregranny · 20/02/2015 10:44

Must confess I also hate paying over the odds for something DH isn't involved in .If we agree to spend money on something we do together that's one thing .... (maybe I'm a tad old fashioned DH never minds my enjoying myself)
I'm so sorry he is unwell OP .

Original poster
Boosiehs · 20/02/2015 10:44

a ball park figure would have been nice irongnome.

if this had been my wedding i would have been mortified to know how much guests were being charged.

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 20/02/2015 10:45

but I is a tricky tricky thing to organise a big group of people who you don't know, for a weekend away without putting anyone's noses out of joint

I understand your point - there will always be someone who has to stretch their budget a little further than the others - but surely, one could minimise the number of people having to do that by allocating, say, £1400 (£100 per person) and still find a reasonable option?

Swipe left for the next trending thread