to expect to be consulted about hen do costs

[Boosiehs]

before the bridesmaids booked it?

an old friend of mine is getting married. i'm thrilled for her, and said yes to the hen do. it was mentioned that it would be in a cottage somewhere, but no costs, so i was quite frankly astounded to receive an email asking me for over £250 last night to cover 2 nights accom costs ONLY! further costs for booze and food and entertainment nearer the time.

no chance to comment, deposit had already been paid.

i don't know the bridesmaids, and i am going to go, as i love the bride dearly and don't want to cause a fuss or problem for her, but AIBU to be very pissed off??

hmm, dp is best man soon and arranging a stag do in Edinburgh,

they've got trains and a hotel for a weekend for less than that each - paying about £150 each, then food and drinks on top.

he actually asked for everyones numbers/email addresses and sent asomething out asking for budgets before arranging anything (noone else neede dot know and he could work to everyone that way, my idea haha)

originally they wanted to go abroad but some couldnt afford that, i think its just complete lack of common courtesy here! id back out, tell the bride directly so as not to cause offence, if i was that close to the bride id have been involved in the organising anyway

What kind of place charges £3500 for 2 nights?!

You can have a whole wedding for that!

That sounds expensive, but it depends on when it is really. A huge cottage, with a decent set up (meaning you won't be going out doing tones of expensive activities) over May Bank Holiday weekend could easily cost a fortune. They still should have asked budget in advance though.

I'm not that surprised at the cost, but then I've been on a lot of hen dos and its always pricer than you think!

We went for my friend’s do last year to a luxury house in the west country. I paid £180 and got:

2 night’s accommodation (in shared room),
all food paid for (including a 3 course meal out and afternoon tea/champers),
a spa treatment (therapist came to the house but this was an optional cost),
most drink paid for except drinks on the night ‘out’ we had on the town.

This money covered all the costs for the bride too. I though this was a pretty good deal actually! I had to pay travel on top of course.

But anyway, the bridesmaids emailed everyone first to a) confirm dates and whether people could make the weekend and b) what they were planning in terms of ball park costs to allow people to bow out at that stage. THAT is the sensible way to do it!

I have a well paid job. I could pay £250 without it being an issue but I wouldn't for a hen do.

If this doesn't include good or activities then the costs could double.

I absolutely wouldn't pay this to spend a weekend (at a place not of my choosing) to share a room.

Quite apart from which gift, accommodation and potentially outfit for the wedding itself.

It's not always about whether you can afford something or not it's about choosing how you spend your hard earned cash.

I'd politely decline OP

YANBU OP. I've organised two hens dos, first you find out who is interested in going then you check (in our case) that people would be up for an activity day, then you get quotes, then you tell everyone and see who wants to still go.

Then you go through a company that takes final numbers and money on a specific date so if anyone lets down the cost isn't 'redistributed'. That way it's fair on people to chose knowing all the facts and fair on price for everyone.