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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think he should contribute now?

53 replies

patch123 · 20/02/2015 08:07

Dp and I don't officially live together but he has been staying 5 or 6 nights at mine for a while. I recently had a water bill and I have always paid £35 per month but it had gone up to £66 due to the extra water being used by dp (I checked it wasn't price increase or any other reason). He was there when I opened the bill and I expressed my concern that for year now I am paying double what I was. His reaction was "well I'm not giving you any money towards it, I've got my own bills". Not even oh I'm really sorry that's happened or let's have a think about what we could do. Even a token gesture of £10per month or buying a food shop would have helped but that reaction was so selfish and uncaring. Plus the fact that his bills will go down when he has a review as he's never there! What do you think?

OP posts:

magimedi · 20/02/2015 08:09

Selfish man - I'd be reconsidering if I wanted him as my 'D'P any longer.

Piratespoo · 20/02/2015 08:09

And you are with him why? Selfish men get more selfish, not less..

DurhamDurham · 20/02/2015 08:10

I think he is taking advantage of you, best to nip it in the bud now before he expects more and more. It's bad enough that he doesn't contribute but the fact that he is so dismissive about it demonstrates that he doesn't seem to be concerned with your feelings or your finances. Not much of a relationship, I think you probably deserve better.

Nomama · 20/02/2015 08:11

So he eats your food, uses your utilities and never offers to help out?

Being nice, he probably hasn't thought it through. Use that bill to open up a better conversation... not about him owing you, but about him contributing to his food etc. He can't object as he won't be buying as much of his own food and will be able to see, on every plate, how much you are spending on him.

His reaction to that chat will tell you whether he is a selfish toad or not!

Corygal · 20/02/2015 08:12

Get rid, he won't change. You're a source of financial support to him and he wants it to stay that way, so you'll have to do the dumping. And well done, you'll feel miles better afterwards even tho now you think you won't.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 20/02/2015 08:12

Urgh he sounds awful tbh.

Is he tight in other examples too?

Seriouslyffs · 20/02/2015 08:13

That reaction was not good. I'd let him go, not so much for the higher bills but for his unwillingness to contribute.

Preciousbane · 20/02/2015 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalWinkly · 20/02/2015 08:13

He's basically living with you for free, eating your food, spending your money (albeit indirectly), and getting the arse when you mention it. Look up the term 'cocklodger' and seriously think about the future of this relationship. Meanness and selfishness are terrible traits in a partner.

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2015 08:15

He is either selfish or just hasn't thought it through. I would sit down and talk to him about his.

ilovesooty · 20/02/2015 08:16

Is he particularly good in bed or something?

tumbletumble · 20/02/2015 08:16

Why don't you suggest you stay at his for 5 or 6 nights a week instead? Clearly you won't contribute to bills as you'll still have your own bills at home. What will he think of that?

ScrambledEggAndToast · 20/02/2015 08:17

Yes,I would be very cross. Especially as, like you said, he will probably end up having his bill at home reduced. As you're not living together, splitting bills may be tricky but as he's there so often, I definitely think buying shopping regularly should be happening.

My ex was like this, a right tight was. He spent loads of time round at mine so cancelled his TV licence and Sky package, saving a total of around £50 PCM. Perfectly happy to come to mine and not offer me a penny, gets annoying after a while

gamerchick · 20/02/2015 08:21

Well at least you know what he's like with money before taking the next step with him.

You do know this will niggle in the back of your head now don't you?

DeliciousMonster · 20/02/2015 08:24

Use these nuggets to make key decisions about your future and use them wisely.

itsaysonthetin · 20/02/2015 08:27

I agree with tumbletumble.

firesidechat · 20/02/2015 08:28

So he never brings over as much as a bag of shopping or offers to pay when you shop together? Meanness is never attractive and I would be reconsidering. Do you go out together much and does he pay then?

PopularNamesInclude · 20/02/2015 08:29

The man has spoken. Listen up to what you're being told.

TrollsTrollsEverywhere · 20/02/2015 08:32

Do you really need to ask?

Did you expect anyone to think it was ok?

What else is he a tight arse about?

Original poster

patch123 · 20/02/2015 08:37

Yes it does niggle all the time.

Yes he does contribute to food but most of the time we pay half for the shopping, not often him just paying.

Can't live at his his as i have two children and a cat.

He has thought it through as I've mentioned it a few times and his reaction is always "no money from me to you for bills" and anger

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred2 · 20/02/2015 08:41

anger??? seriously...end this now. he is using you

basgetti · 20/02/2015 08:43

This shouldn't even be an issue because you should have dumped this man a while ago, when he started mistreating your children and told you that he didn't want your 11 year old around, you know your 11 year old who is struggling and suffering from low self esteem (all your other threads).

Not sure why the water bill is concerning you more than your children's emotional welfare tbh.

RandomMess · 20/02/2015 08:44

He's a cocklodger, get rid

Fiddlerontheroof · 20/02/2015 08:47

My DP stays over at mine the same amount...and my water bills have gone up a bit, but then....he gives up staying at home with all his home comforts...so we can be together, he drives back, costing extra petrol money....after having been home after work and lives out of a overnight bag...so we can be together... and I really appreciate that. I have two kids as well, so can't stay at his.

So actually, I'm like....is this really worth getting stressed over? Especially if he's contributing towards food...we split stuff in half too! And if he's making all the effort to stay at yours....!

MirandaWest · 20/02/2015 08:47

I think at the moment you're in a bit of a noman's land about bill paying. Would you see him as being likely to live in the same house as you all the time at some point? If he is staying at your house 5 or 6 days a week but still paying rent/mortgage for his house then I can see that the excuse of having his own bills to pay is always going to be there. If you did live in the same house then how would the finances be split - have you ever discussed it?

My boyfriend and I are moving in together next month and have been discussing the money side of things a lot. But we don't soend as much time together at the moment. I can see that if we had fallen into it rather than it being a specific action to live together it would be harder to work out who should pay for what.

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