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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad I'm not in a position to have a child?

71 replies

mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 15:24

I think I'm at that stage where, if my circumstances were different, I'd really be seriously thinking about starting a family.

As it is, I'm not - and probably never will be.

I guess I'm not asking if I'm bu: more of a general whinge and mope. I really would like my own child Confused

OP posts:
kittentwo · 19/02/2015 16:12

Sad yanbu sending you a hug.

CheekyWeeGandT · 19/02/2015 16:14

How old are you? The age at which someone starts to think about starting a family can be much younger than the last age at which you can have a child. I know that you never know if you can have a child until you actually have one, regardless of age, but - in theory - it is possible to have one in your 40s.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/02/2015 16:17

When I had my first child a friend of mine had hers too, she was 44.

Is there a medical reason you can't have one?

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 19/02/2015 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProudAS · 19/02/2015 16:27

DH and I decided not to have a family for psychological reasons. It's not easy but I've felt a lot better since accepting it.

Original poster
mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 16:28

Proud - I think that's where I am leaning to be totally honest; I am 33 this year so while it's entirely possibly I may yet I don't see it as likely unless I choose to get pregnant alone, which I wont!

OP posts:
maddening · 19/02/2015 16:29

What are the circumstances that mean you are not in a position to have a child?

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 19/02/2015 16:30
Flowers

Time is really on your side.

Original poster
mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 16:35

Thanks; it isn't a time thing though!

Circumstances - single and want to stay that way!

No family. No "proper" job.

OP posts:
iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 19/02/2015 16:36

At 33 I wasn't married, and had only just met DH, don't despair, I now have two kids xx

minionmadess · 19/02/2015 16:46

I too was single at your age... very unexpectedly DH came along and we now have two dc.

Why do you want to stay single?

sparkysparkysparky · 19/02/2015 16:49

Didn't meet DH till I was in late thirties. Didn't have DC till 41.
I've only got clichés about making sure you enjoy life - who knows what's ahead.
sorry you're feeling blue today.

stormtreader · 19/02/2015 16:53

YANBU Im 34 and in the same situation.
My hope is that if I dont meet someone, my brother will, and I can spoil any nieces and nephews rotten!

Its very hard to stay upbeat some days though, there seems to be a deluge of marriages and babies in my group of friends at the moment, im the only single non-parent left :/

IHaveBrilloHair · 19/02/2015 16:57

I'm 37, four of my old schoolfriends have either just had, or are pg with their first children.
I had dd with exdp, but he left when she was 6 weeks okd, she's 13 now and I've done it all on my own with a chronic illness/disability.

Original poster
mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 16:58

I don't like being with anybody - I know I sound a mass of contradictions Grin want a child but not alone but don't want a partner either!

Maybe what I'm wishing is that I'm someone else who DID want a partner but I'm not

OP posts:
WatchaGonnaDo · 19/02/2015 17:02

YANBU to feel how you do and want what's right for you. Don't get hung up on the doing it alone part though if that's all that's holding you back. Plenty of us started families thinking we would have this happy family lifestyle but that isn't always a given - I've raised mine on my own since they were 1 and 2. We've had our struggles but they know they are loved and wanted Flowers

revealall · 19/02/2015 18:10

Meh. I didn't have a proper job or a boyfriend and went on to have DS in my 30's. And the not proper job meant I could carry on working straight after having him ; which meant independence, money, a social life etc which a lot of the sensible married mothers didn't have.
And I met someone quickly afterwards who I don't live with.
So there. Perfectly possible to have what you want.

Sunbeam18 · 19/02/2015 20:14

I had my son at age 40. Why wouldn't you want to have a child on your own if you really want to have one?

Iamcuriouslyskanky · 19/02/2015 20:21

My first child was born when I was 36, second at 37, third at 41. I wasn't grown up enough before. Didn't marry until 33. Where there's a will there's a way.. and no one knows what's in the future.

bigbluestars · 19/02/2015 20:25

OP- don't lose heart- I didn't get together with my OH until I was 37, had my first baby within the year.

Original poster
mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 20:31

Thanks but I definitely don't want to have a child alone as it isn't fair and I don't think I actually want to meet anyone! But it doesn't stop me wanting a baby!

OP posts:
Lazaretto · 19/02/2015 20:40

You have time. Why don't you want a partner?

Lazaretto · 19/02/2015 20:41

I'm not implying you should want a partner...just asking :)

Original poster
mytartanscarf · 19/02/2015 20:45

I know you weren't Grin

Truth is I know it's such a cliche but I like my space. I think by now I am just SO used to doing what I want, when I want, consulting no one, not having to worry about anyone but me - I honestly can't inagine sharing that with anyone.

I hate 'dating' and all it entails, too!

OP posts:
minionmadess · 19/02/2015 20:53

It's ok to feel that way... but you need to find a way to deal with the sadness about not having children.