To feel sad I'm not in a position to have a child?

[mytartanscarf]

I think I'm at that stage where, if my circumstances were different, I'd really be seriously thinking about starting a family.

As it is, I'm not - and probably never will be.

I guess I'm not asking if I'm bu: more of a general whinge and mope. I really would like my own child

Well I can see your point :). Unfortunately, in order to receive...sometimes you have to give. Children take a lot so if you don't fancy all those things then children will be much more restrictive. Don't mean to dampen proceedings but it's how I see it.

I think I do and am mostly fine with it :) it's an every now and then feeling, an "oh if only!" feeling!

I totally understand. I'd like to join in with your general whinge and mope.

Due to psychological and financial reasons i don't think i will ever be ready.

I'm also due to have some gynae investigations as have been having issues. With a slim possibily of having some physiological issues too, things have really started to hit home.

Group Hug

How rude! It isn't self pitying: I've acknowledged myself the fault lies in me but I can't change an integral part of who I am - the part that doesn't want to share my life with another adult - and furthermore I won't have a child alone so no babies for me.

I accept it but am sad about it!

OP have you heard of co-parenting? There are websites where people meet others to have a child together without a relationship - think gay man or couple and single straight woman. Think got an ottolenghi had a child that way. Not saying it's necessarily for you but thought it was worth mentioning.

If you don't want to share your life with an adult, why do you think sharing your life with a child would be easier?

Yotam not got an

I don't, necessarily, but wanting a baby can be a sort of primal thing - a need that has nothing to do with reason!

These are all reasons I wont have a child; I still sort of want one, though :)

Oh I see...well never say never. Enjoy life and see what happens :)

It's my CHOICE!

I don't really give a toss if it pisses others off: they need to get a life in that case!

OP it might be easier to accept if you look at your decision as a choice you have made. It doesn't really look as if circumstances are a total barrier for you but you have chosen an independent life. That's a very valid choice. Doesn't stop you being wistful about what might have been if you had chosen another life - we all have that, but if you really thought you had made the wrong decision you would change your mind.

mytartanscarf I could have written your posts. I'm 35, not in a relationship, don't want to be, not even 100% sure I'd have a child even if I had the option. And yet so many friends are having babies and there's a little part of me that wishes things were different and I could too. So I completely understand where you are coming from.

I get you tartan. It's obviously a horrible feeling, so conflicted

I hope you can work through it and find some peace.

So what, you never have sex? Because that's how my DS was made. I didn't choose the father, we weren't in a romantic relationship, I wasn't expecting tobe pregnant.
Feel sad if you want but since no contraception is foolproof unless you have no sex between now and your mid 40's you can't say it won't happen.

Er - Yeah it's perfectly possible to not have sex you know!

I used to work as an escort so sex is "work" to me; I don't really associate it with pleasure or enjoyment.

Thanks for nice posts :)

Why do you think you want a child?

Why does anyone? :) To experience motherhood I guess.

Tartan, I really admire your principles that, although you wish to have a child, you choose not to do so alone (although it would be perfectly possible) because you don't feel it would be fair. I hope you are able to reconcile your conflicting wishes and find contentment.

If you like doing what I want, when I want, consulting no one, not having to worry about anyone but me you really don't want a child. The things that surprised me about DD were; the relentless need of a child for me; the constant touching, grabbing, holding. Especially if you don't have family to help it is ALL you. Every single moment is about the child's needs.

I understand what you're saying tartan. Despite what the head says it can sometimes be a 'primal urge', if that's the correct term.

I have the opposite problem. I'm 100% sure I want a family. I'm 29, have a decent job, bought a little home with three bedrooms and got married six months ago. I was overjoyed to get pregnant on our honeymoon but I'm now going through my second miscarriage in three months. Life doesn't always turn out the way you think it will.

Keep your chin up, if you decide it is really what you want you'll find a way.

Sorry to hear that snoopy

terry ... difficult to explain but I think I would find another adult harder to adapt to living with than my own child I'm not going to have one - but please don't tell me what I do and don't want. It's actually quite patronising!!

I feel the same way as Terry to be honest, and given you don't want to hear that, I will say no more.

It's a difficult question. At 37 I am beginning to wonder whether it's too late for me but at the same time I am finding other ways to make use of my maternal instincts, mentoring my friends' and relatives' children into work and coaching junior staff. I know it's not the same but...