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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to move 'up north'?

454 replies

onemiddlefinger · 19/02/2015 14:38

That is if South Yorkshire is actually considered 'up north'?
We have always lived in London and now DH might have a job offer near Sheffield and i'm actually surprised that really want to move.
If someone told me 3 years ago that we might be moving nearly 3h away from London i would have been laughing, but now it might be a reality and i'm really hoping it works out.

We would have less money each month, but i would be able to stay home with DC for a few years and we would have much more space, a lovely house, a garden and DH would have more free time to spend with us.
I'm just so sick and tired of squeezing into our tiny flat and worrying about the downstairs neighbours coming to complain again about the noise and the commute on packed tube trains and just generally people everywhere.

AIBU?
Maybe it's just a phase of being fed up and once we actually move i'll be missing London? This is really all i can think about the last few days and in my head i'm already decorating the house and imagining us there - kids happy playing, our family able to come and visit (they live in another country) and actually be able to stay with us comfortably.

OP posts:
Goodbetterbest · 21/02/2015 10:31

We left London 5 years ago for Manchester. Said goodbye to our basement flat and hello to a big house with OFF STREET PARKING. That alone was enough to sway me.

Travel an hour in London you are still in London. Travel an hour up here and you are in the rolling countryside, or at the Coast.

CheshireEditor · 21/02/2015 10:35

Moved to Cheshire 12 years ago after 15 years in London and TOTALLY LOVE IT!

Loads for my boys to do, great quality of living and life. It's not London, but they neither is New York or Manchester, you can't replicate a city anywhere else.

Things I love are things like if you want to travel somewhere 20 miles away it does not take HOURS AND HOURS in gridlocked traffic it takes half an hour!

CheshireEditor · 21/02/2015 10:38

Goodbetterbest - yes off street parking! I still get a excited that I can park outside my house or on my little driveway every single time!! No running around at 8am on a saturday morning to find a permit parking space in my PJ's or parking streets away then forgetting where and wandering around like a look trying to find you car!

Celticlass2 · 21/02/2015 10:38

This is the thing. There are places in the SE that are like that I agree Red I wouldn't live in the SE either. used to have to travel to Brighton a lot. Glad I never had to live there.
Oh, and has anyone ever been to Didcot? what a godawful place.

Nancy66 · 21/02/2015 10:39

you can be in the countryside within an hour of leaving London!

StrumpersPlunkett · 21/02/2015 10:40

My PiL live "in London",
I don't, but it takes me the same time to get to Chinatown from where I live as it does for them.
They travel by "tube" for 55 minutes but because they have their freedom pass and they are retired the fact that it is free is a bonus.
I can't imagine living in other parts of the country where you would get on a train for an hour and say it was local to you.

StrumpersPlunkett · 21/02/2015 10:41

OOhh the other ting I would add though is where I live public transport is shit with a capital SH. Def not the case where PiL live

Chunderella · 21/02/2015 10:43

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CheshireEditor · 21/02/2015 10:45

But be warned when you go back to London and start being nice and having a conversation with strangers, no one will talk to you and everyone will glare at you like you are a nutter. I was one of those snooty glarers while in London for 15 years and now I am the chatty nutter when I return Grin

I get very excited when I get off the train at Euston for one of my little trips back, but when I step on the train to get home I do think, love you very much London but bye now.

Celticlass2 · 21/02/2015 10:49

You can indeed Nancy Lots of lovely countryside not far from London!
I have lived in London, and if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would be buying a nice little flat there. We visit a lot , and I really don't think there's anywhere that compares.
I love the diversity of people, the restaurants, and the sheer number of things to do for free!
DH also loves some of the music venues.
I also love Glasgow though. DH went up recently to a music festival ( Celtic connections) and I've realised we are all overdue a visit.Smile

Surfboredcat · 21/02/2015 10:52

YADNBU I moved from Sussex to Yorkshire about 8 years ago and will never go back!
The lifestyle is much more relaxed (no more arduous commuting on packed trains) and the area I live in is beautiful!
My DC are northerners so I'm outnumbered but I'm rather fond of the local accent Grin

EmperorTomatoKetchup · 21/02/2015 10:53

Exactly what I was about to say Redtoothbrush.

My office is very much a mixture of people from all over the country and we even have quite a lot of foreigners (who we're all very wary of naturally Hmm)

I just don't see anything other than a London/rest of country divide. Despite being only 1/2 an hour from London my dh's home town is a world away. It's completely dependent on specific place. I would hate to live in a small insular northern or southern town. I want to be in a city whether that be London or a decent sized regional city

Fabulassie · 21/02/2015 11:12

I think there are benefits to living in a great city like London. Of course there are. And there's nothing wrong with preferring that way of life. When I was young, I flipped a coin between NYC and San Francisco but I knew I had to move to one of those two cities. I had different needs, different interests, and a different level of energy.

But the OP has indicated that she is not enjoying the benefits of London. She's talking about a cramped flat, congested trains, neighbours too close for comfort, and the long commute eating into time together as a family. She never mentioned museums. While I don't doubt she values a good museum, it doesn't seem to figure in her considerations.

When I lived in San Francisco, I certainly enjoyed many of the wonderful things that city had to offer. But even as a young 20-something, the majority of my daily life was spent on a fairly beaten, familiar path of my neighbourhood and the places I needed to go. I did laundry, read, watched TV, drank in the neighbourhood bar with my neighbourhood friends, and shopped at the same shops all the time. It's not like I rode around on cable cars or visited Alcatraz unless I were entertaining visitors.

As many people have pointed out, Sheffield is close enough to London to go enjoy the cultural offerings whenever they like.

AstroNaught · 21/02/2015 11:14

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RedToothBrush · 21/02/2015 11:16

I personally would call Manchester local to me (its about 30min drive) but I know lots of people who live round here who wouldn't. I'd happily go out for a night out in Leeds or Birmingham (before DS was born at least). I think anywhere I can get to in an hour or so is not far.

But I think that's my mindset. Have car, will travel. I used to go out for nights out in London. I'd finish work, drive down, park up get the train in, see a band, get train back and then drive home (got home around 3am) and then go to work the next day! It would have been a lot easier if the bastard trains ran to the north all night!

I think what some people see as a north / south divide is actually more of a class divide tbh.

bluelamp · 21/02/2015 11:26

The coast is not always close if you live in the south. I lived in Oxford for four years, loved the city but it took forever to get to the coast, we did it once a year. Here I'm about half an hour from a heritage coastline with miles of golden sand. When I visit my family in the true north I can hear the sea in the garden and the coast is a 5 minute drive away. When we go up with the kids we go to the shore whenever it's not raining, I'd swap all the culture in the world for that (but maybe I should point out that there's a world heritage site in Orkney that is right next to the most beautiful bay so we can experience culture and the beach at the same time).

Goodbetterbest · 21/02/2015 12:01

Probably the biggest thing to consider is you price yourself out of going back. So where as it's lovely to have swapped a basement flat for a 5 bed semi near transport (with off road parking) and great schools walking distance, there is no going back now things have gone tits up.

Nottryingtohaveitall · 21/02/2015 12:38

Interesting post. I moved the other way from East Midlands to Cornwall (not London but still away from what I'm used to) almost 2 years ago and now trying to decide whether to stay or move back.
The things that might help you make the decision:

  • If you're not working how will you make friends
  • Will you have anyone nearby to look after the kids if you want a social life
  • What would you REALLY miss about London and might become the one reason that makes you hate the move
  • What do you REALLY hate about where you are now, and might it be better elsewhere
  • Which bits can you compromise on (eg if you miss Central London, would you be able to have a weekend away so you can recapture it and then return to your new life and everything it gives you)

I'm trying to work these bits out for myself to help decide what to do! Good luck!
PS I love Sheffield and think it's a great place

AstroNaught · 21/02/2015 12:57

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fredfredsausagehead1 · 21/02/2015 14:24

Well i guess it's whY we are conditioned to find comfortable it appealing.

If you want to move of need to move you will adapt. Well if you're intelligent you will adapt.

If you're a knob you'll be completely hostile to northern scratters/posh southern twats

RandomNPC · 21/02/2015 14:28

Wait until the ice caps melt, London is under 10 foot of water, and Birmingham becomes the capital. Then we'll see who's laughing.

bumbledoor · 21/02/2015 15:06

Just let out your London home and test the water before committing. The rental will more than cover the equiv rental up North and you will always be able to change your mind.

MyCrazyLife · 21/02/2015 15:37

I live about 50 mins from Sheffield.

There's not much in my particular village, but it is so cheap here!! And it's a 5 minute drive into town.

We rent a lovely house with three big bedrooms, utility, playroom, bathroom, downstairs toilet, huge garden, driveway, in a leafy crescent for £495 a month. We can afford for me to be a SAHM and DH to earn not a great amount (by MN standards!).

Do it :)

ConferencePear · 21/02/2015 15:49

"being actually shocked that a trip to the seaside was a really rare day out."

I'm quite glad that the Yorkshire coast has disappeared; if it's ever rediscovered they might also find the ones in Northumberland and they wouldn't be deserted any more.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 21/02/2015 16:15

I know conference, it makes you wonder where all those people who form an orderly queue on the A64 that starts somewhere near York on weekends in the summer think they are going Grin.