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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get a bit annoyed with people thinking I'm really young?!

93 replies

matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 11:22

So I am 26 and it's not unusual for me to get mistaken for much, much younger. I have a 16 yr old sister and when we're out together people often mistake me for the same age as her or even younger. DH is 30 and my next door neighbour mistook him for my FATHER ffs! He has a beard so possibly looks a little older than he is but even so, to think he was old enough to be my Dad was ridiculous.

I get comments all the time from people such as 'oh my god, you look like you're still at school!' which I don't find complimentary at all, it just makes me feel stupid. Maybe I will appreciate it when I'm 50 but I don't appreciate it now. It would be incredibly rude for me to say to someone 'my god, i can't believe you're 30, I thought you were in your forties!' but apparently it's fine to say anything the other way round?!

anyone else had similar experiences? how do you deal with it?

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 19/02/2015 11:24

I used to get this. I found the best solution the looking too young was having three children.

LaChatte · 19/02/2015 11:26

I was similar at your age, and I had a 4 year old in tow. Now I'm heading stadily towards 40 I really wish I still got those kind of comments

Altinkum · 19/02/2015 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bruffin · 19/02/2015 11:29

I had the same, when I was younger, i was offerered under 14 bus fares when i was 18/19. In the days before proof of age was needed i had to take my passport around to prove I was over 18 well into my 20s. I dont think its anything to get upset about. Much rather that than my sister getting mistaken for a mum of a child that was only 2 years younger than her. Im 52 now with loads of grey hair although friend said the other day she still didnt think i looked my age, I dont have much in the way of wrinkles.
I really dont think its anything to get upset about, it really isnt anything that has to be dealt with

ChipDip · 19/02/2015 11:35

This could be me. I went to watch a movie once and the guy bent down to ask me am I going in alone ffs and I'm not short, just that he thought he's talking to a child/teen. I also need to carry id with me all the time. Im seeing the benefits now in my 30s but not so good when they look at DH like he's some sort of pervy old man who bagged a young woman

squoosh · 19/02/2015 11:37

'It would be incredibly rude for me to say to someone 'my god, i can't believe you're 30, I thought you were in your forties!' but apparently it's fine to say anything the other way round?!'

Well obviously because it's generally considered to be a positive thing to look younger than your actual years.

You're having a complete overreaction. Just get on with your day, you'll be old soon enough.

gamerchick · 19/02/2015 12:04

I used to get that.

Now I'm 40 I would kill for it

ourglass · 19/02/2015 12:07

Me too. I look about 18!

MojaveWanderer123 · 19/02/2015 12:11

Oh I remember those days well and boy do I miss them. 3 kids and a divorce has made me look older now unfortunately.

crazykat · 19/02/2015 12:23

I get it all the time, even when I have my dcs with me. I'm used to it so it doesn't bother me too much. It was worse when I didn't have id and couldn't even buy paracetamol even though I was 24 with four dcs with me, now though most of the staff in my local shop know me so it's not so bad.

It used to drive dh nuts, he's eight years older than me and when he hasn't had a shave for a week he looks older, we used to get some funny looks as I looked about 16 while he looked 30.

If he's just had a shave he looks ten years younger than he is and still gets asked for id in his mid 30s.

crazykat · 19/02/2015 12:25

Looking young has its advantages though when chuggers ask your age and you can say 16/17 and get away with it. The same when cold callers at the door ask for your mum.

Honeydragon · 19/02/2015 12:28

I've never minded. Was slightly awkward when I was in labour with Ds and the consultant thought dh was my dad though

Original poster

matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 12:29

crazycat that's very true, it is useful for cold callers :)

glad other people have had the same!

to those of you saying i am overreacting, maybe you are right but IMO it is quite rude to comment on someone's appearance at all really, unless you are saying something innocuous 'you look nice' or 'i like your top' or whatever.

it's a bit like the skinny/fat double standards - have been in an office where cake is being passed round, if skinny person refuses cake, is seen as perfectly fine to say 'oh go on, it doesn't matter for you - you're so skinny' but yet no one would dream of saying to a fat person 'maybe you shouldn't have that'.

Just musing really, it's not something that seriously bothers me, I just find it irritating.

OP posts:

bubalou · 19/02/2015 12:29

I'm 29 next month and still get this.

Yes it is annoying. Especially as I have a very tall 6 year old DS and am now pregnant with ds2 and I'm not imagining it - I get 'looks'.

Even ordering something in next the other day at the till whilst taking my details the woman said - ok name, Miss ... And then waited for my reply.

She filled in the Miss part for me.

I said its Mrs and she looked shocked and said 'you don't look old enough to be a Mrs'.

I'm sure this sounds nice to some people but it really annoyed me. I said thanks but I'm nearly 30 so plenty old enough and have been married 8 years.

I didn't say it in a rude way. She smiled and said - I thought you were about 18.

I hate it when people say 'when you're older and look younger you will be grateful'. This annoys me.

bubalou · 19/02/2015 12:32

Oh just saw the cold caller comments.

I have been asked 3-4 times when answering the door 'is your mum or dad home'

Makes me laugh when they're trying to sell something.

SoonToBeMrsB · 19/02/2015 12:33

This happens to me. I'm almost 25 and got ID'd when buying cutlery. My brother is 18 and because we look nothing alike (me small and pale with dark hair, him tall, tanned and blond) people assume he's my boyfriend.

He thinks it's hilarious and calls me Benjamin Button, because I age backwards

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 19/02/2015 12:35

I get glared and tutted at occasionally taking DD out... I'm 20 but look younger apparently.

fairgame · 19/02/2015 12:36

I get this as well. I'm 30 but look about 18. I've even had people ask if my 10yo ds is my brother
I used to get offended by it but now I'm just thinking that when I'm 40 I'll be grateful that I will probably look 25.

Original poster

matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 12:42

Glad it's not just me! babalou yes the 'you'll be glad one day' comments are really annoying, agree

OP posts:

StrangeGlue · 19/02/2015 12:45

I got this until I had my first child at 27. It's not the presence of the child but I think that pregnancy has aged my face to my actual age iyswim.

It's better really as at least at work I get less 'aren't you too young' nonsense but I do have to watch what I wear now as the skirts and tops which looked cute on someone v youthful now look frumpy.

StrangeGlue · 19/02/2015 12:45

So the 'you'll appreciate it when your older' didn't happen! Boo!

PrivatePike · 19/02/2015 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 19/02/2015 12:49

'to those of you saying i am overreacting, maybe you are right but IMO it is quite rude to comment on someone's appearance at all really, unless you are saying something innocuous 'you look nice' or 'i like your top' or whatever.'

Agree with you that personal comments should be kept to the blandly positive.

I think though if someone makes a comment about you appearing younger than your years it's because they're taken by surprise and the comment is out of their mouth before they've taken time to decide whether it might irritate or not.

Comments about people being fat/skinny are different as they're more prejudiced than surprised.

Original poster

matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 12:53

squoosh you are right and I know it is not meant maliciously, I just don't think people realise that it's not necessarily considered a compliment. It's not like people think I am a few years younger when I am, they mistake me for someone who's still at school....

privatepike that's also true, you do get talked down to if people think you are younger than you are

OP posts:

nequidnimis · 19/02/2015 12:53

Yes, it is so annoying when people tell me all the time that I am youthful, slim and beautiful.

Utter complimenting bastards.

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