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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get a bit annoyed with people thinking I'm really young?!

93 replies

matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 11:22

So I am 26 and it's not unusual for me to get mistaken for much, much younger. I have a 16 yr old sister and when we're out together people often mistake me for the same age as her or even younger. DH is 30 and my next door neighbour mistook him for my FATHER ffs! He has a beard so possibly looks a little older than he is but even so, to think he was old enough to be my Dad was ridiculous.

I get comments all the time from people such as 'oh my god, you look like you're still at school!' which I don't find complimentary at all, it just makes me feel stupid. Maybe I will appreciate it when I'm 50 but I don't appreciate it now. It would be incredibly rude for me to say to someone 'my god, i can't believe you're 30, I thought you were in your forties!' but apparently it's fine to say anything the other way round?!

anyone else had similar experiences? how do you deal with it?

OP posts:

CookieMonsterCrumbs · 19/02/2015 13:24

Im 37 but look like im in my mid 20's. I have a really young sounding voice too. Its actually really annoying sometimes like when people don't think im old enough to be married (been married 5 yrs together 20). but its nice in other ways. Haven't been id'd for years though. Boo.

FiveLittlePeas · 19/02/2015 13:30

The last time I was asked for ID to get into a club I was 32. At that time, I already could appreciate it. Doesn't happen anymore, though. I'm 44.

FiveLittlePeas · 19/02/2015 13:33

*doesn't happen anymore: I don't look younger nor I go to clubs anymore!

nequidnimis · 19/02/2015 13:45

'It's wrong to assume you can just say things about someone's appearance that you think is complimentary because they might not think so.'

So are all compliments out, just incase the recipient might not like it? Or just some compliments? Who decides? What a shame.

Instead, why don't we aim for a society where compliments are taken as they were intended and people offended by such simply recognise that they're being a bit precious and laugh it off?

I complimented someone for being clever this morning. I hope she isn't offended that I commented on her intellect.

Not being taken seriously at work due to sexism is a different issue.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 19/02/2015 13:50

I get "is your mum or dad in?" a lot. I am 24 and I really don't think I look any younger than my age!

Can't say it gets to me though.

One day OP, you'll be all wrinkly and haggard-looking and you'll be free of this torment

Original poster

matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 13:52

nequidnimis I'm really sorry but I just don't agree with you, the kind of mentality you've stated in that last post is exactly the kind of mentality that men who cat call women in the street seem to have - that if they give you a "compliment" it's fine and therefore you're being "precious" if you are annoyed or upset at the unsolicited attention.

I am obviously not saying it is the same thing if someone says you look young for your age, I am just saying the attitude that you should just accept and be pleased by all compliments comes from the same place. My best friend is constantly told how skinny she is and how good she looks because of it but she hates when people say that to her because she has an underactive thyroid and is actually desperate to put on weight.

OP posts:

PrivatePike · 19/02/2015 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlepeas · 19/02/2015 13:58

I'm 32 and get a lot of comments too. It's weird, because when I was 15/16 I would always be the one sent into the off license to buy alcohol as I was considered the one who looked the oldest! I have been asked for id more in my late twenties and early thirties than I ever was when I was actually underage! I find people don't take me that seriously, which is the most annoying thing - we are about to move house and I've started collecting brochures for kitchens, etc, and I'm certain most of the sales people think there is no way I can afford their wares.

disneymum3 · 19/02/2015 14:02

I get this too. But I don't find it offensive, and just ignore any comments made in a negative way.
I get the cold callers asking if my mum or dad is home, I just say no and shut the door in there face.
I have been mistaken for being my DC older sister, then people will be socked when I tell them that no I am there mum.
I have been offered the children's menu when in a restaurant.
My older sister has been mistaken for being my mum.

nequidnimis · 19/02/2015 14:04

Don't apologise, we're allowed to disagree

I do not accept sexism and would not excuse or defend it.

Had the OP been about managers favouring older, male staff or about builders catcalling, then my response would've been different.

But originally the gripe was about people commenting on someone looking young.

If someone tells your friend she is slim and looks great, and it annoys her, then again she is over-sensitive because they can't possible be expected to know her unique circumstances.

If I compliment someone on a lovely piece of jewellery I can't be expected to know that I've upset them because it used to belong to a deceased parent.

If I compliment someone on their fabulous curly hair I can't be expected to know that I've offended them because they hate it.

And if I tell someone they look younger than they are I can't be expected to know that I've offended them because they want to look older or are embarrassed to look as youthful as they do.

nequidnimis · 19/02/2015 14:09

Privatepike- anything said in a dismissive, scathing or dismissive way is wrong and the perpetrator is an idiot. Not confined to age-related observations though.

TheChandler · 19/02/2015 14:26

Cookie Im 37 but look like im in my mid 20's. I have a really young sounding voice too.

Same here, I don't know where the young sounding voice comes from. My DH has been mistaken for being my father! Otherwise, its annoying because a lot of people talk down to you or try to patronise you. I also get accused of having plastic surgery, and I've had people closely inspecting my face, as in going up really close to me and checking me over, to see if they can "catch any signs of cosmetic surgery".

WizardOfToss · 19/02/2015 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisnow · 19/02/2015 14:40

I get this all the time but I like looking young, think it does mean people don't take you seriously though especially in the workplace.

Also had people phone my house-phone and ask "Is your Mum or Dad there?"

Wizard my my you look so young.....!

CharleyFarleyy · 19/02/2015 15:35

I get this all the time :( tbf, I am only 20 but its still embarrasing being asked for ID for paracetamols!

Pandora37 · 19/02/2015 16:59

I get this all the time, although it doesn't bother me so much now. I had a boyfriend who looked a lot younger than he was too, when we were 26 and 31 people used to think we were teenagers which I found amusing.

I did have someone at work once who went on and on and on about it. Yes, I look younger than I am, get over it. She said "you're how old?! NO WAY! Oh my god! You look like a 12 year old! hahahahahahahaha." Maybe I'm over sensitive but I don't find someone telling me I look 12 and then laughing hysterically to be a compliment.

I have seen this happen to men though, particularly male doctors. I've had people gasp in disbelief that they can possibly be a doctor and I've heard disparaging comments made about them from patients. For example, I had a woman questioning who this man who looked like a 10 year old was who had spoken to her even though he'd said he was a consultant! I've heard others say they're not listening to what a doctor has told them because he only looked 12. I also met one, who to be fair did look very young who was being badgered about how old he was and couldn't be old enough to be a doctor. He was very polite about it but I felt sorry for him because even though he was very good at his job people just couldn't get over how young he looked. Must be very hard to be taken seriously in that kind of job.

Once when I was 21 I had a horrible group of boys try and chat me up. One of them started saying to his mates "I can't believe I'm chatting up an underage girl!" That made me saw red, and I told him in no uncertain terms that I was NOT under age. He actually looked really embarrassed and apologised but I was paranoid after that that any man who showed an interest might think I was under age. Gross.

squizita · 19/02/2015 17:03

Pandora I once had a "mansplainy" man tell me, at age 21, that I ought to be celibate because I looked 16 in his eyes therefore any man I dated must be a perv. He honestly thought this was ok to suggest to me.
I don't even look that young. Back then I'd say I could pass for 18 but not a kid!

TheBooMonster · 19/02/2015 22:38

I'm 25 and get this all the time. It's annoying when I get IDed for bloody lottery tickets, but we have a lot of charity folk come round to our estate, so it's useful to be able to say 'Sorry, my parents aren't home' and smile sweetly...

TheBooMonster · 19/02/2015 22:44

did nearly die before xmas though when I was out with my mum (41) and my DD, and a bloke trying to get people to sign up for credit cards asked my mum if she was over 18... Pretty sure he was trying to chat her up to get her to sign up for the card, but her reaction was incredible to watch!

Morelikeguidelines · 19/02/2015 22:46

I get this too. I am reasonably senior in my profession (I am now 36 and have being doing this since I was 23) but people look at me and assume I am newly qualified.

foSho · 19/02/2015 22:50

Yanbu. It is rude and is not a compliment when you get someone making a massive deal out of it (as a lot do) "What! No way! You look sooo young though!" or being generally patronising towards you. Being spoken to like a child and not treated like an adult. In fact, the very fact that people are rude enough to ask your age when they wouldn't do that to someone who looked older. Grr the whole thing winds me right up.

thewavesofthesea · 19/02/2015 22:51

I'm 6ft tall which, up until recently has made people assume I am older than I am. I'm now 30 though and I've had a few people say I don't look it and that I look too young to have 2 kids!! I'm more than happy with that

Annabannbobanna · 20/02/2015 05:40

I personally don't think 26 year olds look much older than 16 year olds anyway. I think it is more to do with confidence, if you are not a very confident person people do often think you are much younger, especially if you don't appear to have much life experience.

goldopals · 20/02/2015 06:26

I am 27 and can pass for 15/16 which is brilliant when you teach senior secondary kids. My hair is also mid thigh which does not help. I get asked if I am an unaccompanied minor when on planes (very frequently) and in Vegas was asked/ordered/commanded to move away from pokie machines every five or so minutes by waitresses and security. When I started at my school the parents asked if I was one of the new year 9s

Musicaltheatremum · 20/02/2015 06:37

My daughter is nearly 22 and gets fed up with people saying this to her. I think if it keeps happening you do get fed up. The worst was 2 years ago and we were on holiday, this american woman thought she was 12! until she stood up (she's 5'9) I do think in America young people seem to look older (must be the sun) I used to tell her not to be daft and it was a compliment but I get where she is coming from and it is the frequency with which it happens which annoys her.

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