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Original poster

to get a bit annoyed with people thinking I'm really young?!

93 replies

matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 11:22

So I am 26 and it's not unusual for me to get mistaken for much, much younger. I have a 16 yr old sister and when we're out together people often mistake me for the same age as her or even younger. DH is 30 and my next door neighbour mistook him for my FATHER ffs! He has a beard so possibly looks a little older than he is but even so, to think he was old enough to be my Dad was ridiculous.

I get comments all the time from people such as 'oh my god, you look like you're still at school!' which I don't find complimentary at all, it just makes me feel stupid. Maybe I will appreciate it when I'm 50 but I don't appreciate it now. It would be incredibly rude for me to say to someone 'my god, i can't believe you're 30, I thought you were in your forties!' but apparently it's fine to say anything the other way round?!

anyone else had similar experiences? how do you deal with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 12:54

nequidnimis never said anything about anyone telling me I was slim and beautiful (I'm neither by the way). It's more about people telling me I look fourteen years old which I don't think that's a compliment, sorry.

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PrivatePike · 19/02/2015 12:54

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PrivatePike · 19/02/2015 12:55

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PrivatePike · 19/02/2015 12:57

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squizita · 19/02/2015 12:58

I used to have people think I was too young for my job and a shoe in or puppet. Quite offensive tbh. Angry They'd then assume I looked young thanks to an easy or innocent life.
Nope. All genes, fat baby face and Nivea. Grin
I'm the product of a London comp, I've worked since 16 and done well at uni. Gnarled hands, bluestocking brain.

Annoys me as I suspect a man who looked young or sporty or whatever would never get such comments.

nequidnimis · 19/02/2015 12:59

When people tell you you look young they mean it as a compliment. They certainly don't mean it offensively. If it's taken offensively then that is a problem with the recipient IMO.

squizita · 19/02/2015 13:01

A friend who was a child minder once got a lecture on being a prolific teen mum on benefits with kids clearly by many dads. Grin The fact the many kids were the same age, not calling her mum etc wasn't noted! Grin

PrivatePike · 19/02/2015 13:01

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IceBeing · 19/02/2015 13:03

Im 36 and still get asked if I am a student occasionally...

It is actually a problem because people are judging your competence and reliability inaccurately based only on your appearance.

nequidnimis · 19/02/2015 13:03

I guess I don't know they don't mean to offend you, but if they wanted to offend you there's maybe ten thousand more effective insults than 'you look really young'.

squizita · 19/02/2015 13:04

Oh and dh is younger than me but once got asked "dad, uncle does that mean we look related or GRANDAD" about our baby!! Shock Which I suppose is worse!

Original poster
matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 13:04

nequidnimis, so when someone says to me 'i don't believe you're 26, you look about 14', that's a compliment, is it? That's what I should aspire to?

OP posts:
Original poster
matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 13:08

squizita your poor DH, that must be so embarassing for him!

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nequidnimis · 19/02/2015 13:09

I think there are a great many more insulting remarks that lots of people are on the receiving end of every day, and to be offended by people commenting on your youthful appearance is rather over-sensitive.

I can see it's a pain if you're asked for ID.

I can see its a pain if you have to prove your competency at work.

PrivatePike · 19/02/2015 13:10

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PrivatePike · 19/02/2015 13:11

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Original poster
matchstickpopper · 19/02/2015 13:13

nequidnimis (1) at no point did I say that it was the most insulting thing you could say to a person, I am aware there are much worse things and (2) as others have pointed out, it's wrong to assume that you can just say things about people's appearances that you assume are complimentary. they might not think so.

I don't think it's particularly over-sensitive, if I told someone they looked older than they were and they got upset they would not be considered over-sensitive and I would be considered rude. As I mentioned before, the fact that one of these things is perceived as good and the other is perceived as bad is symptomatic of the fact that our society is far too obsessed with looking young.

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squizita · 19/02/2015 13:13

Squoosh yes but added to sexism it can result in workplace prejudice. I know it was tougher for me in my 1st management role because I was a woman and looked young - especially hard as the weakest team member was a 50+ white, middle class arrogant so had become lazy man.
I can remember him being called out on it - a male manager closer to him asked outright why he argued/didn't follow my requests but jumped to the same request made by him.
I thought I was touchy but no ... people have prejudice.

It's a preference for fashion and sex ... but not work and social status. Young women are meant to be looked at not respected. Sad

bubalou · 19/02/2015 13:17

School mums are the worst.

DS is now in year 2 at school. A really nice bunch of mums in his class (mostly).

Over the past 2 1/2 years quite a few of them have hinted at wanting to know my age which has made me laugh.

Even one saying 'did someone say it was your birthday soon, and how old will you be'?

That was in November - my birthday is in March. I'm sure they'd heard nothing.

Haha Smile

squizita · 19/02/2015 13:17

It's not the worst thing... but being mistaken for a youth (inexperienced, fickle, vulnerable etc) when you're far from it can be deeply rude.

squoosh · 19/02/2015 13:17

I see what you're saying squizita but men get 'oh you look so young' just as often I'd imagine. Any male police officer under the age of 25 must hear that on a thrice daily basis.

squizita · 19/02/2015 13:19

Matchstick society loves women to look young ... and looking at is what youth is for, for many! It's like large breasts or blonde hair ... All the easier to objectify us with!

squizita · 19/02/2015 13:23

It is far more pernicious combined with old school sexism though.
Young women ... property of daddy/spouse, sheltered, sexy/innocent, foolish ...
Young man ... brave, impulsive, making his name, playing the field...

The stereotypical view of each differs fundimentally.

Ilikemashpotatoe · 19/02/2015 13:23

I get this all the time! From being id for a scratch card to a cold caller asking if my parents were home! I have a 4yo and am now pregnant again. I don't mind people thinking I look young but the stares I get as if it's a bad thing that I'm a "young mum" really annoys me. (Not that I think it's a bad thing, just hate judgmental people) Also I feel people don't take me seriously in the work place until they see what I can do and realise I'm not actually training but more qualified than some on the older members of staff. I do find it rude. A mum once said to me at the school gates, "you look so young you make me feel old" I wouldn't reply "you look so old you make me feel young" lol although I would like to, but it's not exactly as if it's an insult unless you let it be.

Anerak · 19/02/2015 13:23

Aarrgh yes I know exactly what you mean! I am 27 and my husband is 28 and we are frequently mistaken for teenage parents. I'm also pregnant again and get asked at least once a day if I didn't want to wait until I was older to have children (?????)... At work I am frequently asked how I have acconplished so much at such a young age - I tell them I'm 27, their jaws drop and I usually hear "i thought you were 18/19/20". Alone with my daughter I have been asked if I was underage when I had her!!!! It sometimes makes me ashamed when I get certain comments but then I tell myself it's them being ridiculous and I have every right to have children at this age with no shame