to wonder if 4 DC is much more expensive than 3 DC?

[Rabbishes]

I have three DC, eldest is 5yo and youngest is 11mo. I thought we were done at three DC and agreed before even TTC that DC3 would be our last but within two months of the birth I knew I didn't feel like I'd finished and this feeling is growing. DH is on the fence, he had talked about getting a vasectomy but decided not to because he didn't want to close that door permanently. Some days he is broody for another, other days he definitely isn't. Either way, we're not considering it seriously until DC3 is at least 18mo.

We have a three bed house but two of the bedrooms are quite big so no matter which sex we had there are options there. If we end up with three DC of one sex they can share the biggest room, if we ended up with two of each sex then two DC in each of the big bedrooms and DH and I will have the smallest bedroom. We have lots of space downstairs too including a playroom, dining room, and a front and back garden so we don't really feel like we're on top of each other IYSWIM.

I am self-employed working from home (childminder) and pay NI so would qualify for maternity allowance, DH is working FT but home every night and off weekends. He is very hands on with the DC and does more than his fair share around the house.

I already have cot/pram/baby stuff and in the loft there are two giant suitcases full of boys/girls/unisex baby clothes so there'd be very little to buy to begin with. Plus my friends and I all have DC of consecutive ages so tend to hand lots of things down, pass things around, and lend each other stuff, we also do mutual babysitting and help each other out with things like school pick ups if one of us is poorly. My parents like to help out too and live locally so we have lots of support.

AIBU to be considering one more? Are four much more expensive than three? I got lots of, mostly negative, comments when pregnant with DC3 along the lines of why did we want one more, was it an accident, we already have one of each why bother with another, and so on. I dread to think what sort of comments we'd get about a fourth! I'm one of four though and four seems right to me, we clubbed together but we also had a 'partner' as we tended to pair up, us older two were at the same school and we're close in age so clubbed together while the younger two did the same.

Yummy - that's just due to your area though. £1600 rents a small 1 bed flat here. So even living off gruel and knitting clothing from grass you can't live on just £1600

Ime people who only have young DCs vastly underestimate how much more older DCs cost.

You may think they're expensive when they're little with equipment a costs, growing out of clothes quickly but it's nothing compared to older DCs.

Activities.
Taxiing them to and from activities.
Sports/music equipment.
Bus fares.
School dinners.
They eat more food!
I've they get big their clothes and shoes aren't vat free anymore.
They get fussy about brands.
Entertainment & parties.
Electricity for all their screens.
Phones.
Tutoring.
Adult sized meals out.
Haircuts.
Pets.
Big birthday and Christmas presents.
Bikes.
Driving lessons.
School uniforms & sports kits.

I have 4 dc, 14, 16, 18, 20.

OP you sound as if you have almost made up your mind. From my experience I have loved having 4, I love having a hectic, busy family and they get on brilliantly and really care about each other.

When they are young having 3 or 4 doesn't make too much difference as they share clothes, toys etc, and because they have each other to play with they were happy to just play and enjoy walks by the river, picnics and cheap days out. We have never been into expensive day trips and would rather spend the day by the sea. When they were younger they often shared rooms and loved the company.

We rarely eat out in restaurants and instead have film nights in and make our own pizzas. Holidays are mostly camping in Britain or France and have always been great fun.

Yes, they get more expensive as they hit teens and adulthood, and that can not be underestimated. Food bills go up, as does clothing, and phones. However, if they have their own job which is a great life lesson for them and helps them to appreciate how much things cost this helps.

I have never known anyone who regrets how many children they have, but have met many who wish they had more! Good luck with your decision.

People don't regret having kids usually but siblings can resent being in a big family. Some love it some hate it. My dad was only 1 of 3 but hated sharing a room with his brother who was 5 yrs younger. Can't predict anything really.

What about if child no. 4 comes with a twin? Could you manage then?

yes of course. Each child costs more money and takes more time and looking after. As youd expect

Thank you to everyone who has answered, it's given me a lot to think about. Thankfully we live in a relatively cheap part of the UK, our total bills (house, utilities, council tax) each month are only £650 from a joint monthly salary of £1900. I'm not counting tax credits or child benefit in that as they both go directly into the savings account for our rainy day fund. We're not wiping our bums with twenty pound notes but we do okay.

As for what if it's twins/what if DH loses his job/what if they all resent each other, they're valid points but not ones you can plan for. Things like that happen, all you can do is make the best of it if or when they do.

There's a lot of scope to increase my childminding business as my children get older and are no longer part of my ratios so we'd generate extra income there too.

For my part, I never resented being one of four :)

I haven't decided either way yet, 'official' discussions on whether to have another or not are on hold until DC3 is a little bit older. I need to consider the delivery too, which would be a planned section at 37 weeks. My previous two pregnancies were sections and in my most recent one my scar had begun to pull apart. If we did have another it would be the absolute last regardless as I wouldn't risk a fifth.

Thank you again, I've a lot to consider :)

When they are tiny no... But when they get older hell yes.

It makes me a bit on here when posters say you'll manage financially you may not and just go camping. id rather stay at home

Bedroom sharing, what if your dcs fight like dog and cat? One keeps other awake etc? Go into with eyes wide open.

I had 4 kids in seven years. When they were little they were relatively cheap. Now they are 15. 14. 12 and 9 and are getting increasingly expensive. the 3 eldest boys are in mens size clothes /trainers etc and feeding them is like having 5 adults in the house.

I don't mind camping sosix and I'm in the camp of managing. Family size aside, isn't that all anyone does in any given situation? You keep on keeping on and you manage.

If the DCs fight we'd have to work something out if that happened, there's the potential to go into the loft in the future, we'd get two rooms and possibly a toilet too, but again it all comes back to 'if'.

I couldn't go in to something planning on 3 kids in one room. Sorry if that offends but I don't think is terribly fair to plan for that. If u can go in to the loft that's great and not an issue. But that's what stood out to me in your post as the main alarm bell.

What can anyone say? You have asked a question but seem to have made your mind up op. Bit of a pointless thread.

i have 4. 16, 13 , 8 and 6. gets more expensive as they get older. that said going from 3 to 4 children was not that big a deal!

but would not have 3 in one room. not fair on them

Sosix, how is it pointless? I asked for opinions, I've thanked people for those opinions and I've taken them on board. I'm also answered questions asked of me like have you thought of this or that. Yes, I'm leaning more in one direction than the other but I certainly haven't made my mind up yet.

Regarding bedroom sharing if they are close in age as I said before mine loved it, and they don't have to be the same sex to share, toys and games are unisex and after all they used to have baths together. We had enough rooms for them to each have their own but they chose to share.

They only really need their own space when they get to their teens so they have a quiet place to study and somewhere private and the room doesn't have to be huge.