to wonder if 4 DC is much more expensive than 3 DC?

[Rabbishes]

I have three DC, eldest is 5yo and youngest is 11mo. I thought we were done at three DC and agreed before even TTC that DC3 would be our last but within two months of the birth I knew I didn't feel like I'd finished and this feeling is growing. DH is on the fence, he had talked about getting a vasectomy but decided not to because he didn't want to close that door permanently. Some days he is broody for another, other days he definitely isn't. Either way, we're not considering it seriously until DC3 is at least 18mo.

We have a three bed house but two of the bedrooms are quite big so no matter which sex we had there are options there. If we end up with three DC of one sex they can share the biggest room, if we ended up with two of each sex then two DC in each of the big bedrooms and DH and I will have the smallest bedroom. We have lots of space downstairs too including a playroom, dining room, and a front and back garden so we don't really feel like we're on top of each other IYSWIM.

I am self-employed working from home (childminder) and pay NI so would qualify for maternity allowance, DH is working FT but home every night and off weekends. He is very hands on with the DC and does more than his fair share around the house.

I already have cot/pram/baby stuff and in the loft there are two giant suitcases full of boys/girls/unisex baby clothes so there'd be very little to buy to begin with. Plus my friends and I all have DC of consecutive ages so tend to hand lots of things down, pass things around, and lend each other stuff, we also do mutual babysitting and help each other out with things like school pick ups if one of us is poorly. My parents like to help out too and live locally so we have lots of support.

AIBU to be considering one more? Are four much more expensive than three? I got lots of, mostly negative, comments when pregnant with DC3 along the lines of why did we want one more, was it an accident, we already have one of each why bother with another, and so on. I dread to think what sort of comments we'd get about a fourth! I'm one of four though and four seems right to me, we clubbed together but we also had a 'partner' as we tended to pair up, us older two were at the same school and we're close in age so clubbed together while the younger two did the same.

Sorry about stray comma

I have 4. Yes more expensive in the long run not while small with hand me downs etc. 4 lots of school shoes, coats etc. 4 lots of Xmas and birthday presents. 4 at after school activities and needing a lift here and there. 4 lots of swimming, dance, judo lessons. 6 seats in a plane on holiday

I thought as older 2 left school it would get better but now it's 2 lots of school shoes plus a car deposit or a help with the rent! There's something every month.

Love having 4 though wouldn't change dynamics at all.

Well, we have three and it's ridiculously expensive so I can only imagine adding another child would obviously mean it would get more expensive, it's certainly not going to cost the same or get any less expensive is it?!

Also as someone pointed out; regular cars fit five people, you'd have to buy a people carrier to accommodate four children. Babies are cheap as hell, it's when they're older and start with the school trips, handbags, birthdays, hobbies, clothes get more expensive etc etc.

I find three hard enough. You only have two arms, the world is generally suited to families of four. I think you're crazy for even thinking of a fourth .

Food x4
School shoes/trainers/boots x4
Extra curricular activities x4
Clothes x4, especially as they get older and it's harder to hand stuff down
Day trips x4 - a round of ice creams is easily £10, plus entrance to attractions becomes more.
Eating out x4 - a meal out for 6 can easily be £80, and that's cheap if the kids are eating kids meals, 6 adult meals out when they are teenagers will be more.
Uni fees/support x4

The baby/toddler years aren't expensive unless you're paying for childcare. 4 teens or pre teens is a whole new ball game.

How will they feel about sharing rooms in their late teens/early twenties?

A 'play room' will become a 2nd lounge/den as they get older (particularly if they are sharing rooms).

Holidays can be problematic, even if you don't do hotels (which will be out if the question anyway in the early years as hotels will never guarantee interconnecting rooms, unless you and your DH want to sleep in separate rooms with 2DC each), larger accommodation, cottages, apartments tend to get booked up quickly as there are fewer of them, so you have to be more organised.

Yes, a 4th will put a strain on your finances, think very carefully. Having said that, having a baby is rarely a 'head' decision.

I love my 4DC with all my heart, but if it had been purely a financial decision, we would've stopped at 3.

Oh yes, forgot about Christmas and birthdays x4 - it's always someone's birthday!

To be honest we have a good income and find three children a stretch financially.

School shoes added together £100+ then there are trainers , other shoes, coats.
Also activities cost a fortune and school lunches. Mine are 10,8,5 and they get more expensive as they get older.

Even cream things like getting an ice cream can really add up - family days out etc. if you go abroad, air fares for five people really hike the price.

With four - well you might struggle financially so I guess it's weighing up the fourth child against what that means for your other children.

When small, hand-me-downs for clothes etc are fine but as they get older this really does become harder. We have three teenagers with oldest at university. When they are all at home that means 5 near adults to feed.

Even when small I always found visiting other people difficult. We couldnt go and stay with family members as there were simply too many of us to fit in other people's houses. It always feels like a crush.

I am not of the view that at 18 you say they are adults and have to make their own way. IMO at 18 they still need help. This can take many forms and often will involve some sort of financial outlay!

Yes, uni is an optional extra but that is their choice to make and not yours. You can say to your DCs that they will have to go to a local uni but that can restrict choice of courses, experience of uni etc.

Another consideration is what this might mean fir your eldest child. Will they get the opportunities, time and attention they need?

We have 3, and we haven't found it particularly expensive yet. There are so many things available cheaply nowadays.

When they all hit primary it will get more expensive and worse at secondary. If they all come home with a letter for a £700 trip, could you afford it? School uniform alone set me back £350 to start secondary.

You need to be realistic as you don't seem to think one more will cost anything. If your DH left or lost his job, would your salary cover the existing three let alone another?

Whilst money is very important, it's time as well. Having grown up in a large family I know the many pitfalls of having numerous siblings. No help with homework as little ones need looking after, more chores than a child should have and no to mention the babysitting involved as I grew older. No clubs as too expensive and the rest can't go with you.

I think we would have liked more children but I have found with three that it's hard enough to treat each one as an individual.
I try to let them do clubs and sport and swimming lessons and it does add up to a significant chunk of money each month. Is also like to give them the chance to go on the more expensive school trips.

But everyone is different and perhaps other families value other things above activities and school trips.

The costs mount rapidly from school age imo

Ie ds1 started school last September. Uniform was £800! That was non negotiable as is the standard uniform and has to be worn. Luckily this sept most will still fit as ds2 is starting also! £800 x4 is fairly steep

At the moment also bare in mind that at many places under 2s or even under 5s go in for free, so you will have only just started paying for eldest in some places. Once all 3 need paying in full it will be much more.

Even holidays like you mention where accomadation costs are the same ie a villa. You will still have extra cost of flights, food, ice creams, entrance fees, larger car hire costs more. Atm your youngest is under 2 so flys free so you only have x2 children flights to pay this year, that would be x4 once all 4 over 2 years. And babies don't eat full restaurant meals or ice creams.

For me it wouldn't be my choice. We have stuck with 2 children as feel we can offer more opportunities this way. Even free days out, if just dh or myself, having just 2 means it's easier to hold both hands in busy areas, easier to fly alone with them as can have one either side, easier for grandparents to look after as one child per grandparent to watch or entertain.

Hotels in the UK can still be dirt cheap. As a family of 5 we buy 1 room for £25/£29 at the Travelodge/Premier Inn. If you had 4 children then even 2 room is only around £50.Then if you buy an £8 breakfast then 2 of your children eat free, so for couples 6 people eat for £16. I don't feed them until the evening then. We do this 3-5 times a year.

We have three ds's and I would have liked a fourth but our house and car just weren't big enough so we stopped.

I'm glad now , they're 19, 17 and 15 and to be honest I'm so relieved there isn't another.

Gadgets
School trips
Shoes
University.

THE FOOD BILL!

Also what if you feel the same once baby no 4 grows out of babyhood? Are you just postponing the ineveitable?

Oh goodness yes- food. Our children are eating more and more as they get bigger.

We have four under 7, dc4 is a baby and her only cost is nappies! I think it will be expensive in terms of days out when they are older. Paying for each person to get in to attractions is a big difference, plus the price of lunch etc.

My lot don't do after school activities as I feel strongly that they need the time for unstructured play when their school day is so structured, but I do wish we could afford swimming lessons for them all. I think financially it will be more expensive with four but it depends whether it's worth it for you. Our dc4 is most definitely worth it and we are by no means rich.

littlejohnnydory with the greatest respect, your DC are all 6 and under!!!You haven't a clue!

Come back and say teh same thing in 15 years time!

Yummy, for most people just two meals a day isn't enough food. Having to skip meals for children to afford a break isn't desirable to most.

All you can eat breakfast firefly? It would be unlikely that adults would eat that, and then have lunch!

Yummy - it's not all you can eat though, it's supposed to just be a selection to help yourself. Most people couldn't eat the equavlent of x2 meals in one sitting. My children's stomachs are still small. After a regular breakfast they would be too full to eat more, 5 hrs later they would be hungry again

I have four and its a lot more expensive. You are not looking far enough ahead. When they are little it doesn't make much odds but when they are teens and going off to Uni it makes a huge difference - it a whole extra person! Iyswim.
Also you are stuck for using bigger cars.

I wanted four and we are in the position to be able to afford four but four is ONE WHOLE PERSON more than three . Iyswim

Next year we will have all four at uni at the same time.

We do it there, and abroad, and at other UK breaks. We go on around a months holiday spread out over a year in different locations.

It is a bigger breakfast, snack for lunch, and proper tea. It is a lot more food than we would eat at home, as we have 2 meals out, but that is what holidays are all about.