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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I mean how much effort can it be?

51 replies

cheesynachtoes · 18/02/2015 16:43

Regular but name changed because I need a MIL rant. I've come down with a nasty virus and feel rotten. MIL has been over and tutted at me having given the children hotdogs for lunch and used her catchphrase 'how much effort can it be' in this instance to make some sandwiches with some chopped up veggies on the side. I think the ready mix pancake thread has weighed on my mind too (as my DC got them last night for convenience) as I'm sat here feeling the rage and thinking that individually these things are not much extra effort but cumulatively, with all the other stuff I have to do, they are quite a lot of extra effort actually. I feel that things are tough the moment and to keep my head above water I need to take some easy options. AIBU to want to tell my MIL to stick her judgments up her bum?

OP posts:
KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 18/02/2015 16:53

Nowt wrong with hot dogs.

We've had takeaway the last three evenings as I'm not feeling great.

Tell her to piss off.

yellowdinosauragain · 18/02/2015 16:56

It's none of her fucking business what you feed your children for one meal. I presume from the fact you feel bad about it that they eat healthily most of the time. One less healthy meal (or even more) will do them no harm at all, in the context of a usually healthy diet.

Definitely tell her to fuck off

Nomama · 18/02/2015 16:59

Tell her to stay away, you are ill, contagious, and now so are the kids.

Then forget to tell her when you are all well again Smile

CurlyWurlyCake · 18/02/2015 17:00

Yanbu

Hot dogs and ready mix pancakes are normal in this, poor neglected children's house.

I'm so pleased I don't have a MIL.

FarFromAnyRoad · 18/02/2015 17:01

Sandwiches with chopped up veg on the side? That sounds absolutely bleurghhh! Is she on glue?

bettyboop1970 · 18/02/2015 17:03

YANBU, tell her to fuck off home. We love hotdogs for lunch at chez betty!!

sadcasetoday · 18/02/2015 17:04

I am v sick today, been in bed all day, and DP has felt better.

We are having oven pizza.

Any port in a storm, I reckon. I'm a mother, not a martyr.

3littlefrogs · 18/02/2015 17:04

If she hasn't arrived with a decent meal for all of you she has no right to express a negative opinion.

DeliciousMonster · 18/02/2015 17:05

Can you tut back at her that some people can't keep their snout out of other people's business?

tomandizzymum · 18/02/2015 17:09

Sandwiches with chopped up veg on the side? That sounds absolutely bleurghhh! Is she on glue?

Grin

Tell her that it takes as much effort to make sandwhiches as it does to slag off someone elses mothering skills. Nasty old witch.

kitchentableagain · 18/02/2015 17:09

You should have said, "thank goodness someone with more energy is here, can you do dinner? There's a brisket in the fridge and eleven tonnes of mixed veg to peel chop and steam in the veg box. Oh and do male real gravy, your discerning grandchildren don't do bisto. That's all okay isn't it? I mean how much effort can it be?" and then gone and had a four hour long bath followed by a ninety minute nap.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 18/02/2015 17:10

Nothing wrong with hotdogs or ready made pancakes tell her if she's that worried she should take over cooking for the children from now on and while she's at it she had better come and cook for my dsc who had hot dogs for tea last night followed by pancakes made from a packet mix and then McDonald's for lunch today and will be having pizza for tea tonight.

They are fussy and usually I'd fight with them to eat healthily but I'm 35 weeks pregnant and knackered and DP has been busy doing some building work. They've been fed and that's all that matters right now.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2015 17:11

Nothing wrong with sandwiches and chopped veg/salad.

Nothing wrong with hotdogs either.

She needs to piss off and mind her own business.

Original poster
cheesynachtoes · 18/02/2015 17:11

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel a bit better, she was rummaging in the fridge and saw we had some peppers and cucumber in and so was trying to tell me what I could have given them instead, they'd all want different sandwich fillings though so hotdogs were definitely easier. It was an unscheduled visit otherwise I'd have hidden the evidence (mid afternoon and the lunch stuff not cleared away, there were a couple of 'looks' over that too Angry). Hotdogs are one of my guilty secret easy teas for a night when the DC are in a rush to get to clubs but MIL doesn't know about that, she thinks people (women) who don't cook from scratch every night are lazy.

OP posts:
Babiecakes11 · 18/02/2015 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2015 17:14

You seriously would have hidden 'evidence' of what you choose to feed your own children, if you knew your MIL was visiting?

It sounds like you have deeper problems than a hotdog lunch now and then, to be honest.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 18/02/2015 17:15

"how much effort can it be?"

"I don't know, MIL, why don't you do it and then let me know" Grin

iklboo · 18/02/2015 17:17

She'd have got a Peggy Mitchell style 'get out of my fridge' off me Smile.

Original poster
cheesynachtoes · 18/02/2015 17:19

I'd normally have washed up the lunch things by 4pm anyway but yes I have to admit I would have tipped the hotdog leftovers in the bin if I'd have known she was coming. As I said she can be very judgmental and I feel very uncomfortable with it.

OP posts:
Jackieharris · 18/02/2015 17:23

So you have a dp?

Why's he not cooking when you're ill?

Mil's a bitch. Nc possible?

BackforGood · 18/02/2015 17:24

Sandwiches with chopped up veg on the side? That sounds absolutely bleurghhh! Is she on glue?

This ^ Shock

Did your dc actually eat this ??? Shock

Original poster
cheesynachtoes · 18/02/2015 17:43

Yes Blush I do often give the DC sandwiches with veg on the side, but crudities not a portion of cooked cauliflower and peas. DH is at work he might cook tea if I asked but more likely he would go to the chippy. I probably have a bit of an issue with guilt and feeling obliged, the house is a bit of a mess because I've not had much energy today and I feel bad about it and feel like people would judge me as a bit of a slob if they saw it, that might be irrational because I don't judge people on how tidy their houses are or on whether they give their kids hotdogs for lunch. The media seems to be full of scorn for parents who don't do the 'right' thing all the time and my run in with MIL today has just made me feel a bit of a failure.

OP posts:
Sazzle41 · 18/02/2015 17:43

As sadcase said, you're a mother not a martyr. Hotdogs with pasta salad is my favourite meal btw.

Next time you are ill & she comments just go great, over to you, there's stuff in the fridge, i'm too ill to cook so whatever you whip us up to cover the next few days until i get better is ok by me. And the kids packed lunches and the washing up need doing too while you are there...if you get defensive or snippy it just plays into the toxic dynamic. Even better is laughing , soon takes wind out of hoiky bosom types. (gosh yes, they are dying of malnutrition, just look at them, you are a caution MIL)

iklboo · 18/02/2015 17:48

Get her a ginormous pair of knickers & huge bra for Mother's Day. Tell her it's a matching set of hoiky bosom bra & judgey pants (wish I could patent this).

MrsGolightly · 18/02/2015 17:50

DD made herself a crisp sandwich today for lunch,(just recovering from surgery myself) my MIL was visiting and laughed thank god - because despite being a chef, she's got a sense of humour and understands that sometimes you just can't do the shit you should/could do. Fuck your MIL frankly, stop giving yourself a hard time.

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