AIBU to say out loud that pregnancy mostly SUCKS?!

[swanseacat]

There, I've said it. It feels like such a taboo to say it, and for so many understandable reasons. Let me elaborate...

This is my second pregnancy, our first took us 2 years, and we'd just started investigations when I fell pregnant. Actually I carted my poor hungover DH round the Fertility Show and forced him to give a sample, all the while unaware I was several weeks pregnant. So we thought our second one might take a while, and after about 6 months of trying (already aged 36) we started down the investigative road again. Thanks to the joy of the NHS it took about 18 months to rule our chances of conceiving naturally very low, and then to send us privately as we don't qualify for any free cycles having a DD already. The first cycle cost £6k and failed. We embarked on our second and last, extremely pessimistic, and gearing up to get a pet instead. Much to our surprise, it worked.

I say all this so no one thinks I have taken the fact of getting and staying pregnant lightly. It's taken 2 years and £12k to get to this point. I know all too well what it is like to sit on the outside of the pregnancy club looking wistfully in, and therefore it seems so deeply insensitive to moan about how dreadful I have felt, every day since week 5. And yet that is the reality. Hideous constant nausea, never actually culminating in being sick but forcing me to seek out food every 15 minutes, hating most of what I am eating and its impact on my body, but unable to ignore the vile feelings in my stomach and mouth. Crushing tiredness, so that after a 2 hour nap of the dead in the afternoons I wake up still exhausted. And now, at 19 weeks, I've added agonising back pain. And the response of just about every single medical profession / care giver? SUCK IT UP, B, YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!

Yes, I know it's a great thing, but should that make my daily experience of mostly misery any less real? Does it help when people say 'Oh, morning sickness, that's good, it must be a strong pregnancy'? Does it b***s. Every so often I encounter other mums who tell me gleefully "I threw up 4 times a day throughout my entire pregnancy" like it's some kind of badge of honour, which of course only serves to make me feel like a wuss for even thinking of complaining. So, mostly, I don't, and it's just my poor DH who gets it in the neck ever so often when I can't bottle it up anymore.

AIBU to wish it was appropriate to be more honest?

My mum sailed through both pregnancies - she was sick once wih DSis and that was it. No sickness with me. She was up step ladders decorating at 8 months and apparently loved every minute of it.

I'm now 37 weeks and DSis is 13 weeks, also with dc1. She seems to be following in my footsteps and has been on the verge of being admitted to hospital with dehydration. This does not make for happy family gatherings ATM!

So I can see that it can happen, that some people adore pregnancy and all that goes with it, I just think that it's not that way for everyone.

The only issue I had in both pregnancies was the absolutely terrible heartburn.

Otherwise, I just sailed through, and even a CS for pre-eclampsia was a breeze, for me at least.

However, I am totally aware that for others it's a very different story, so would never assume (like someone I know did) that because it was easy for them it should be easy for everyone.

If you had have asked this 3 1/2 years ago when I was pregnant with DD1 I would have said YABU, pregnancy was a beautiful-relaxing-restingattheweekend-joyous experience.

But after the stressful pregnancy with DD2 I would say YADNBU.

Taboo to say it? Hardly! I don't think I know anyone who has been pregnant who hasn't said it .

I had HG I was off work for 4 months of my pregnancy no money can't eat hospital trips at least once a week

hated ever minute

Engeika, I certainly didn't mean to suggest that people who say they've had awesome pregnancies are lying, only that it can be annoying to hear when you are feeling like death! I was lucky in that I had a great labour, 4 hours, gas and air only, and a huge 10lb 10oz baby, but I tend to keep quiet about it as I know a lot of people with horror stories.

Comeagain The "some women may experience" stuff is clearly written by the same people who wrote the books on periods I read as a teenager. They ALL said a small minority might experience some mild discomfort - I know very few women who never had period pains!

MrsDeVere I'll get the home birth. I know my rights! And it's already signed off by the senior folk. The next two appointments are more junior people having another go at me. The silly thing is that the more hcps who have a go at me about it, the less likely I am to go into hospital!

It really is the emotional side. It's not about how bad you have it compared to other pg women; it's about how bad you have it compared to your own pre-pg life

Good point VikingLady good point!!

It's a conspiracy I tell ye.......

My first pregnancy was tough, I got through it by reading lots of books and amazing myself with fetal development and what my body was managing to do My pregnancies got progressively easier, and with my third I barely felt pregnant. With my first, I was sick from start to finish, in fact I was still being sick for a few days after she was born. I also got regular migraines - at least 3 a week - for the duration of the pregnancy, and haven't had one since.

However pregnancy is amazing, it really is! I would give anything to do it again, but three children has stretched us to full capacity time wise! I love pregnancy so much, I am training to be a midwife now. I don't think you should feel bad for thinking like this, hopefully you will feel much better soon and be able to enjoy your pregnancy. You are amazing, look what your body is doing!!!!!!

YANBU. I hated being pregnant too, and I didn't do it again.

40+2, spent 23 weeks vomiting, can't walk and literally pissed myself laughing at that blow job comment. YANBU.

QTPie thanks for your kind words and wishing you all the best. I know that place well x

YANBU!!

I'm pregnant with my 2nd dc and I forgot how annoyingly uncomfortable pregnancy can be. It took a year to ttc dc1 and I had an awful time, but I daren't complain because every one knew how much I wanted it.

This time it took 2 months and I was broody like hell. I was so happy when I got my bfp and thought I could handle it again but blimey!!! The sickness, nausea, headaches, food aversions, backache, insomnia and general stretching is taking its toll already, and I'm only 14 weeks!!!!!!
Apart from wanting to feel the baby move around, i'm completely wishing this pregnancy away, I just want my newborn!

And breathe. .

Chottie
OP - I think YABU. Just take a look at the fertility / trying to conceive threads on MN. There are a lot of women who would swop with you in a heartbeat.

Your post is utterly irrelevant. Whether the OP has a fantastic pregnancy or not, it will not change a thing for those who are ttc.

And pregnancy should indeed be told as it is, warts and all. There are still far too many people who think pregnancy is a bed of roses and therefore don't get why it can be so hard.

OP, YANBU.

29 weeks tomorrow. Raging cold which makes my usual misery worse. Everytime I cough wee comes out. I am exhausted, having essentially not slept in months. I am a solicitor and my legal judgenent is shot but I cannot go on leave yet. Everyone else I know seems to make it to work until 37 weeks but if I do that I will be essentially dead at my desk. I sat on a colleagues desk today and broke it. I am an undignified hazard to shipping and I fucking hate it. The only, only good thing is that people are marginally kinder to me at the moment. However I would be happy to stand on the train forever rather than go through this shit again.

Beancalledpickle just made me laugh so much! Good luck!

I have been seriously thinking of ttc dc3 but I hate pregnancy and this thread had made me remember how much I hate being pregnant, constant nausea, exhaustion and spd. Oh god, what do I do?! I'm 37 in September so can't think about it too long!

metal you will get through it abd have a little baby at the end. hated all 4 pregnancies

Thanks sosix, did you find it easy to make the decision to try to conceive when you knew how much you hated pregnancy?

Yanbu

I've had 3 mcs and 4 desperately wanted children. However I have hated almost every minute of being pregnant. I love birth just because it means I won't be pregnant anymore (and obviously I get to meet my baby)
My last 2 children are 13 months apart I found out I was pregnant again when dc3 was 14 weeks old. I had 18 sodding months of being pregnant with a tiny gap between!! Dc4 is 4 months old now and I'm pleased to say I will never be pregnant again!!

metal i found 2/3 a hard decisin for lots of reasons but i think i blocked out how rough pregnancy is.... Although 3rd pgncy was probably easiest, I won't mention 4th!

Have to admit Buttwing that I'm really, really looking forward to labour. My mum is quite astounded at how I'm not worried about it - I think she imagined I'd be a gibbering wreck

I just can't bloody wait to stop being sick, for the nausea to stop, to stop being kicked in the bowels (got bowel problems anyway and this isn't helping), for the pain of turning over in bed to stop, and the heartburn? Dear god the heartburn! Gaviscon makes the nausea worse, Rennies are being shipped into the house in packs of 72 and if I'd have known that 9 months ago I'd have bought shares in the manufacturing company.

So, if you have shares in Bayer (the company behind Rennie) you have 2 weeks until the shares potentially plummet. You have been warned.

I think you're all nicer people than me

I had two easy pregnancies. No sickness/back problems/other serious issues- and I still hated being pregnant.

Lumpy, heavy, unable to move as quickly as usual, unable to fully participate in my sport, not 'allowed' to eat some of my favourite foods- minor and very selfish reasons!

The last two or three weeks of my second pregnancy, I'd wake up every morning and for a split second would think 'Phew! All done now.' And then come crashing back to reality with 'Oh ffs. Still pregnant'.

And the worst thing was the well-meant comments from people who were supposed to nod soothingly and listen to my grumbles (DM, DMIL etc)- 'Oh but think pf the baby! It'll all be worth it!' Yes, yes, I know. But I'm BEING GRUMPY, OK???

Ohfourfoxache sorry I can't remember if this is your first DC, of course a whole new load of problems kick in once the sprog actually arrives...!

shodan couldn't agree more about the worth it comments!