AIBU to say out loud that pregnancy mostly SUCKS?!

[swanseacat]

There, I've said it. It feels like such a taboo to say it, and for so many understandable reasons. Let me elaborate...

This is my second pregnancy, our first took us 2 years, and we'd just started investigations when I fell pregnant. Actually I carted my poor hungover DH round the Fertility Show and forced him to give a sample, all the while unaware I was several weeks pregnant. So we thought our second one might take a while, and after about 6 months of trying (already aged 36) we started down the investigative road again. Thanks to the joy of the NHS it took about 18 months to rule our chances of conceiving naturally very low, and then to send us privately as we don't qualify for any free cycles having a DD already. The first cycle cost £6k and failed. We embarked on our second and last, extremely pessimistic, and gearing up to get a pet instead. Much to our surprise, it worked.

I say all this so no one thinks I have taken the fact of getting and staying pregnant lightly. It's taken 2 years and £12k to get to this point. I know all too well what it is like to sit on the outside of the pregnancy club looking wistfully in, and therefore it seems so deeply insensitive to moan about how dreadful I have felt, every day since week 5. And yet that is the reality. Hideous constant nausea, never actually culminating in being sick but forcing me to seek out food every 15 minutes, hating most of what I am eating and its impact on my body, but unable to ignore the vile feelings in my stomach and mouth. Crushing tiredness, so that after a 2 hour nap of the dead in the afternoons I wake up still exhausted. And now, at 19 weeks, I've added agonising back pain. And the response of just about every single medical profession / care giver? SUCK IT UP, B, YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!

Yes, I know it's a great thing, but should that make my daily experience of mostly misery any less real? Does it help when people say 'Oh, morning sickness, that's good, it must be a strong pregnancy'? Does it b***s. Every so often I encounter other mums who tell me gleefully "I threw up 4 times a day throughout my entire pregnancy" like it's some kind of badge of honour, which of course only serves to make me feel like a wuss for even thinking of complaining. So, mostly, I don't, and it's just my poor DH who gets it in the neck ever so often when I can't bottle it up anymore.

AIBU to wish it was appropriate to be more honest?

YANBU
Took us 2 yrs to get DS & we were also in midst of fertility treatment / investigations.

Pregnancy was horrendous. But DS is a wonderful baby so I consider him my payback!

Really want another DC but I am seriously undecided as to whether I could cope with another pregnancy & look after DS.

Didn't enjoy it at all. My blog started because I felt that Emma's Diary was bullshitting us all about the magic of pregnancy so I wrote my blog as an honest version

Then got criticised by a few people I know, for saying pregnancy is horrible when some people would do anything to be pregnant. Apparently, getting pregnant quickly and unplanned means you have to love every sparkly, special, bastarding moment of it.

Nothing says 'happy memories to last a lifetime' like feeling like there's a knitting needle stabbing you in the crotch, ending up in hospital because your body growing is literally pulling a previous surgical scar apart and taking all the muscles with it, and constant stress and tiredness. Oh yeah, those are the moments to cherish.

Don'tcha just love your body being public property, and everyone feeling they have the right to comment on how you look/what you're doing wrong (because you're never doing anything right)/what so-and-so did with their sodding baby/how childbirth is the most awful thing you'll ever experience and you'll tear from V to A and you'll want to die?

Thankfully I'm one of those awful people who found induction and birth relatively easy and surprisingly low-pain. But I made up for it with a horrendous pregnancy. I'd much prefer to give birth once a week for forty weeks, than have forty weeks of pregnancy.

And yet, despite all this, I'm broody

Fucking fucking fucking hate it!

And I am extremely grateful I lost my son and it took 8 months to conceive this time.

I know that is nothing compared to what some women go through I really do but after conceiving straight away with my oldest DD's I spent many days/nights in tears thinking there was something wrong.

I hate the heartburt, constant nausa, constant anxiety, lack of sleep, lack of alcohol, lack of fags the fucking waddling.

That feels better

From now on keep with the "this shall pass" mantra - you're halfway there - it really will be your due date soon. Then you will possibly be knackered due to relentless lack of sleep with a newborn ( some are lucky obvs ), then there's teething, potty training, the "why" phase, constant worry,

I have yet to get to the school phase but hear this can be challenging and then the teen years :( .

You are allowed to moan and find the hard bits hard - and most do go back and do it all over so the wonderful bits must out weigh the hard bits :)

Ps if you have a hard day at work it is ok to moan - there are people that are desperate for a job but their reality is not yours.

Both my pregnancies were a walk in the park. It was after the babies were born that was a shocker.

Oh God, yes! Hated being pregnant with no real 'excuse' so constant nausea tho rarely actually throwing up, generally feeling like utter shit but not actually fainting. Just having a miserable 8.5 months although I would say to anyone just thinking of going there that I would go through it 10x for my 2 amazing DD's (not enough to try for a DS tho)

Yanbu. I made this post a couple of months back. Now have a 4 week old in my arms.

I hated being pregnant so much. But I had a horrible birth experience and so many health problems since I sometimes wish I was pregnant again!

The beautiful baby really is all worth it in the end. Cliche I know!

I remember reading the MN Guide to Pregnancy or whatever it's called when ttc and finding it hair-raising, and my mother and godmother laughing at me and saying nonsense, most women sail through... then I got pregnant, had hideous morning sickness, and my mother then told me so had she, to the point she had to keep a small bucket in the car, paper bags in her handbag and she took meds with me even though it was at the height of the Thalidomide horror, and they didn't know for sure the meds wouldn't do the same (they were safe, thankfully). Then I got severe SPD. And that's without mentioning the bowel explosions, incredible pains in the cervix the last month, the heartburn, restless legs, trapped wind, discomfort of being the size of a house.... ugh. It's horrible. Oh, and stress incontinence? Lovely. So dignified.

I love being a mother. But I genuinely envy Nicole Kidman, in being able to pay a woman who had easy pregnancies to carry her fertilised egg for her. I know there are ethical issues around that, but pregnancy was so awful. I'd gladly have a third if it weren't for the pregnancy itself. I love being a mother, but carrying a baby to term is horrible.

Not unreasonable at all. I had an ELCS mainly because we have a history of going 2 weeks overdue n our family and by having an ELCS at 39 weeks I could avoid up to 3 weeks of misery. Thank God I did. By 38+6, after vomiting every day since week 8, & SPD from 20 weeks, I developed sciatica so severe I had to crawl down the hallway to the loo. If I hadn't had that end date scheduled I think I would have lost my mind. Now DS is here, 12 weeks and mostly really cute & fun, but I don't think the beautiful baby is worth it it the end. I mean I'm glad he's here but it doesn't make me forget what was a bloody horrible year of my life, or mean I'm neccesarily gagging to do it again - the back problems took a good 6 weeks after DS' arrival to resolve with osteo treatment, and then I developed inflamed foot arches as a knock on effect! Fuck pregnancy!

I hated every min.. Made worse by the fact my colleague was also pregnant was one of those who got the glow, had no sickness and just buzzed. People instantly compared us and made me feel like I was putting it on..
I had sickness, very bad spd, up and down movements and was losing the will to live.
Even labour was a nightmare, very painful early contractions that went on 3 days, a whole load of issues followed by emcs as he decided to struggle all on Xmas day! I never got my dinner...
Hes perfect now, so beautiful.. I wouldn't change him but id change the pregnancy!

I'm 37 weeks with number two and am awake because of bloody bloody heartburn that wont go away and is worse when I lay down - and I have a toddler in my bed, along with snoring DP. Who I'm sure thinks I'm being dramatic when I complain about things hurting/aching/being tired.

Cannot wait for this baby to be born! If I go two weeks over again everyone will really need to avoid me..

YANBU but I don't agree. I did have a very easy pregnancy and never had morning sickness, neither did my mum with us two or her mother with three.
The constipation was awful though!

Yanbu. I hated every single second of it. Every. Second.

Yes, yes, yes!

Am 12 weeks with DC2 and am finding it awful as I know it's only going to get worse. Already dreading the SPD and know the MS will stay until about 2 weeks before I'm due.

Dreading delivery too. Last one took 26 hours...

Trying to focus on the end result, but am finding it very hard as September seems so far away.

This is such a fantastic post all those people who said they just 'loved' being pregnant & it was 'the most amazing thing' in the world well ive spent a lot of my pregnancy wanting to stab them in the corneas!!

I am now 38 weeks pregnant but like many of you had crippling morning sickness until 17 weeks where by all I ate was salt & vinegar Macoys & cans of coke. I lost so much weight I looked like a bag of bones. I don't think it helps when you are someone who is used to being totally in control of your body, weight, fitness & appearance in fact it can be quite overwhelming.

I am so grateful to be pregnant but I echo many of you when you say it's bloody hard work. Absolutely sick of ppl saying 'oh you won't miss drinking' or 'you may not drink again after you've had 9 months off' well thanks but the first thing I'll be having is a large Pinot followed by a double jd & coke for pud

Now I'm at the end im a miserable b feel nauseated at the thought of sex as I just roll about like a worbal on top of my bf ?? it's totally sexy! I struggle to breath unless I'm stood up or laying on my side, I am up every 2 hours every night hence this post at 4.22am, ive also developed chronic dandruff of all things & skin only a reptile would love - probably the baby sucking the last bits of nourishment from my body.

Anyway it's important to appreciate how lucky we are but it does not take away from the fact that no not every pregnancy is 'magical'

So happy we are keeping it real on here. Good luck to us all for stage 2!

Yanbu : I'm sitting here with the most fabulous little 12 week old boy, who sleeps through the night and is generally sunshine personified .... But.... I am fucking traumatized after the horrendous pregnancy I had with him!
Ttc for 3 years, lost weight, quit fags and drink , only to be faced with months of severe nausea and weekly physio for spd. I still cannot walk properly and it's been 3 months since the birth! Peeing hourly from week 20, leaking urine and amniotic fluid , and no way to tell the difference , monitoring Bp whilst teaching 5 year olds. Sitting on a bouncing ball in the classroom because it's the only thing between you and floods of tears from the pain! 3 obs , 2 of whom told me that pregnancy was far worse for others and That everything was normal . I look back and think I was suffering from depression it was so horrendous.
I already want another baby , but I don't think I have the mental strength to put myself through it again

DC3 is 3 months. I am very glad that I don't ever have to do it again and my pregnancies weren't half as bad as what some of you describe, YANBU.

I am currently 13+4 with dc 3 and have never felt so constantly shit ever.
my previous pregnancies were a doddle compared to this one.
I am currently suffering from.....
constant nausea
heartburn
sciatica (suffer from cauda equina syndrome so pregnancy has flared it up)
insomnia
headaches
I have gone off every food imaginable other than salt n vinegar crisps and sweets.
constipation
mood swings
heat sweats
terrible flatulence......
oh well ive only got until august

Oh YANBU. Pregnancy is a marketing myth as far as I am concerned! I thought I would be doing yoga and eating organic veggies and meditating over the perfect being growing inside me, filled with joy and purpose. How naive I was.

Are you on the HG thread? That was a lifesaver for me. I got put on anti sickness medication at 8 weeks and had to stay on it throughout. I actually threw a bag of carrots at DH once for daring to bring into the house something that made me vomit at the sight of them. I literally could not eat anything for 9 months that was remotely healthy. I wept eating yet another quarter pounder as was the only thing that could stay down. I honestly thought dd would be born with the golden arches tattooed on her somewhere I was there so often!

There is a big difference between being excited about your baby and enjoying/hating pregnancy. The two don't have to go hand in hand and you are perfectly entitled to feel miserable about the process. It isn't fun.

And did I mention the anxiety and stress? Like nothing I have ever experienced.

OP - I think YABU. Just take a look at the fertility / trying to conceive threads on MN. There are a lot of women who would swop with you in a heartbeat.

p.s. Yes, I have read the original post.

13+5 here. I must say the sensation of pissing yourself whilst vomiting is a glorious one. Thank fuck we have toles rather than carpets in the bathroom.

This is my second pregnancy and provided all goes as it should it'll be the fucking last. I am NOT doing this again. :(

YANBU. I loathed and detested being pregnant. Premature labour, cervical stitch, constant Braxton hicks, in and out of hospital. Terrifying and painful.

It's a big part of the reason I only want one child, I couldn't do it again.

I used to feel jealous of those with 'normal' pregnancies, who actually enjoyed it.

YANBU.

I didn't enjoy being pregnant at all, and it was way worse the 2nd time around. I didn't have a bad time, but daily injections of clexane, SPD, acid reflux from 12w onwards etc. really didn't make it fun. I was very lucky not to have morning sickness though so shouldn't really complain. It just wasn't something that I enjoyed at all, and I certainly didn't do that "blooming" thing that some people do.