to move rurally with a 1 and 2 year old?

[punnedout]

We currently live in a small town, and dream of rural living. I've found a house in the country, but it's 7 miles from the local primary school and only has one neighbour (and other houses in fairly close proximity down the lane, but no 'community' as such). It is 4 miles from 'civilisation', but there is nothing around it other than livestock! I am prepared to drive my DCs around, but am worried that they will feel isolated in due course. On the flip side, I think the rural experience will benefit them in many other ways.

Does anybody have experience of this and making it work? When my eldest starts school I know that I will need to ferry him around to see friends etc, which may be more inconvenient than living centrally, but surely this is doable? Am I condemning him to never having friends to visit him?

This has been our dream for years, but now that it may be a reality I'm having a wobble. It's a nightmare commute for me, but I'm not sure I'll be in my work location long-term, so I don't want to compromise our life for that. It's the DCs that I'm worried about.

I suppose what I'm saying (rambling) is that it's a massive leap of faith and there must be people out there who think it's worth it and make it work

If you are planning to stay there for a long time do you think they will still be ok with it as teenagers. I know someone who remembers being dropped by the school bus at 4.30 and not seeing anyone except her parents until she caught the school bus in the morning. Her choice for her children is a small town so they can meet up with friends.

Hi Larry, it's a good question and I don't know the answer! You're right that they wouldn't see anybody in the evenings during the week (other than us and each other), but I hadn't really thought about it because I didn't see friends during the week when I was growing up, and we lived in a town.

I live in exactly the situation you describe OP, with an eight year old, a six year old and a 16 month old. The older two get a bus to school that picks them up by the gate. I do have to drive everywhere but it works out fine. We have a fantastic social life actually, it is not all doom and gloom in the country. I

As for the teenager issue, it won't be ideal and I will be driving around a fair bit. But it is my life too, frankly, and I am not going to live in a town just to make my teenagers happy. I also know a lot of teenagers living rurally who have nice social lives, people just make it work.

Have you actually dreamt of this style of living or were you imagining a small village with more of a community? What are the advantages of living there?

Thanks HC, I think we can make it work but it's not the straightforward option so I've started to doubt myself now that it could be a reality! My husband travels a lot, so all responsibility for ferrying/childcare etc comes down to me. He is also (lovely but) quite anti-social, so I think socialising may take a while - how did you meet your rural friends? Do you have neighbours?

Do your older DCs see friends during the week (this is very alien to me as I lived a fairly solitary existence as a child, even though we lived in a town!)? Sorry for the questions!

Hi SD, I think my absolute ideal would be this house on the very outskirts of a small village, however that would be way out of our price range. The advantages of living there are that it's a beautiful house in a beautiful location and will give us the rural lifestyle that we crave. The disadvantages are that it is inconvenient for (my current) work and an unfortunate 7 miles from primary school.

There's lots to do in the countryside. Look into school buses and local bus service. Teenagers may need dropping off and picking up sometimes but that's life and at least you'll know where they are. The drive can be a good chance to catch up with them if they spend most of their time in their room at home too. Good luck OP. Go with your heart

Hi OP
My parents did exactly this when my brother and I were 12 and 13. We lived in a biggish town and went to the local comp and moved to a very remote village. There were more cows than people
My brother and I chose to stay on at the comp and dad would drop us there every morning on his way to work and we would get the bus home which took an hour.
We lasted a year before my parents realised they had made a mistake, they were forever ferrying us back into town for school things, mates and life in general. Mum didn't work and felt really isolated.
but I think if they'd have done it when we were 1 and 2 then I think it would of worked. We as kids wouldn't remember it any other way and would have grown up in the country. But as teens starting a new life there, we hated it.
It's a big decision but if it's your dream I say do it before the children start school.

I had a friend who lived out in the middle of nowhere for all of her childhood.
she had a hard time because of her very rural location. didn't see friends from one end of the holidays or weekends to the next. nothing to do there except mooch around in fields, country laneways and on a very isolated beach. she was very lonely.

ferrying kids around day in day out for the bones of 2 decades will get very tiresome, i should think. the cost of petrol alone would put me off.

when they are teenagers, you should ensure they pass their driving test as soon as they legally can and then prepare to get them a car so they can be independent. this will be pricey, but thems the breaks of country life.

Thanks Mama

Rural friends I met through school and local events. At the moment we do a lot of cooking meals for each other as a way of socialising. You will be nearer a town than we are.

My DC sometimes have friends over for tea and go to their friends, much the same as people in towns and villages do, I imagine, except we have to give lifts.

I love it here. It is heart stoppingly beautiful every time I drive anywhere or even when I step out of my back door.

My parents did this.

It was a disaster.

Mum never made any new friends.

I was the odd one out being the furthest from school. I was too far to do any non school activities. I needed to be driven everywhere so became sedentary and overweight. I didn't see any friends outside of school so spent all my time in front of the tv.

It wasn't a happy life and I left home as soon as I could.

My children walk up mountains at the weekend, often with families with other children, they are not sedentary OR overweight. Sorry it didn't work out for you Jackie, but the situation you describe is not inevitable. I am not denying you have to actively make it work though.

I know someone who remembers being dropped by the school bus at 4.30 and not seeing anyone except her parents until she caught the school bus in the morning.

I had that. I was an only child as well which made it even worse.
Many aspects of being a child in the countryside are wonderful but much of being a teenager is just isolating.
I know my mum found herself to be very lonely when I was small. However they were different times. They are in a hamlet so they have some neighbours.
I guess this situation is a kind of 'suck it and see'. It's hard to know how it will feel until you do it.

It's can be difficult, it takes a lot more input from you to make home and garden an enjoyable place like dens, there own gardens veg plot or flower beds. having animals like chickens they can help with. You have to organise all the socialising. Get to know other parents be pushy to invite friends over even if they don't returned the favour invite them again, Lots of Out of school clubs. I've lived in a community and rural. The hardest part was my dc changing from having friends on the doorstep to being isolated. But they enjoy it now and are comining into teens they arrange there own get togethers, cinema/bowling, swimming going to someones house. I just have to be available for drop of and pick ups.

I have met new friends through school and my own activities I do. dc 1 friends from secondary live slightly rural too, so they all understand each other and want to make the effort to arrange stuff.

We did this. Originally we were both from towns and then moved to a very rural hamlet 2 years before our eldest son was born. We had lovely neighbours, but there were no very young children where we lived. Nearest town was 6 miles away and no buses due to council cuts. When our son was 2 months old we moved to a slightly bigger village nearby, which I hated. I felt very isolated and lonely. The nearest mums and tots groups etc were 4 miles away and there were no little children in the village. There was no school, shop, pub or village hall in the village.

I did love growing veggies, keeping chickens etc but I was very lonely. We now live in a larger village in a different part of the country. The school my son now attends is less than a minutes walk away. There is also a pub and a village hall so lots of social activities including a singing group and a gardening club as well as coffee mornings and mums and tots. We all love it here and have met lots of people. I'd say it is do-able but you need to choose your location carefully. The location you describe would not work for us. We are inside a national park and very rural but have the convenience of a small town 2 miles away

I grew up in the country side a couple of houses close by but all older we were the only children.
we loved it my dad has a lot of land so our garden was acres of land could ride bikes up and down roads as no cars. we lived outside more or less

mum had to take us to school and back and to friends houses but went to a rural school so most friends lived out of the way too so parents all took turns.

I loved it so much that I would move back now with my boys if I could so they could experince it. DS1 loves going to grandads and having so mucn space to play in.

We moved from London out to the country about 3 years ago for a better lifestyle for the kids we didn't have (although now have a 2 year old and one on the way).

We're in a village - which doesn't have many facilities in itself (there is a pub and a church and a village hall) but there are plenty of community activities. Anything I really want to do though involves getting in the car but I don't see that as an issue as within a 10 minute drive are three towns, various schools, GP surgery, three supermarkets etc. The village also has a good mix of age ranges, with some little ones also. I've made friends because of the general community spirit here and being introduced by the previous owners. It is more effort to get together, partially because of different lifestyles, having kids, but also you don't automatically see people as you go about your business.

In terms of schooling though, the local schools aren't particularly well rated so ours are going to a further away town (20 mins drive) which will make things complicated as we both work. It will mean local schoolfriends will be less easy to come by - however we're happy to facilitate what the kids need. And my parents moved up to be closer to us recently (about 25 mins away) so will be heavily involved.

There are lots of ways to get to know people socially if you are rural and I have found people far more willing to make the effort - community groups, evening classes, neighbours, children's centres, playgroups, etc. I don't think you need to be too concerned about your own social life.

My only concern from your post would be quite how remote this house seems.

My SIL lives at the end of a rural lane, and it takes her 25 mins to a shop in the car, 40 mins to the station, 40 mins to her kids' nursery. And in winter the lane freezes over so she can't get in or out!

I think you can achieve a balance but perhaps this isn't quite the right place if you have reservations?

We moved from central London to a rural area when my dcs where 6m and 2, However we moved into a village. My dream was, and still is, to be rather more isolated, but it has been a Godsend being in a village. Esp as DH sometimes has to be away with work. There is a small shop and a PO, there is a farmer's market, and just knowing that there were neighbours who I could call in an emergency was helpful emotionally!. It is a huge shock to the system tbh. DH grew up in the middle of nowhere, and he adjusted faster than i did. He says he did find it hard as a teenager, he had to wait for his parents to ferry him about, it wasn't ideal socially, but how tricky that is depends on where the child goes to school etc. If it is in the nearest town, then they make "town" friends and being out of the way is hard. If the school is in a village surrounded by other rural villages as its catchment then it is less of a problem, but they may make friends well over an hour's drive away (this will be the situation when my dds go to high school). Also getting snowed in etc, can be an issue too.

Of course I am relating this to my own experience in the 80s. Today, providing there is a reasonable internet connection, no one is that isolated, especially children.

It sounds really shit, imho.

You'll spend your entire life in the car. Your kids won't have any independence bar a couple of mile radius around your house.

The countryside is all well and good, but I think a town is the way to go for a happier life. I can walk to work, walk to the shops, walk to the cinema, walk to the train station etc. I am happy and healthy. I do not need to own a car. If I want to climb mountains and see sheep I hop on a train for 40 minutes.

Not everyone in town is happy though, are they? Different things work for different people.

the rural lifestyle that we crave

Can you explain what that lifestyle is, OP? I presume you don't mean driving everywhere & being reliant on oil fuel boilers.

Having lived in both I will say that I do miss the countryside but I thinkni would miss the town more. I have compromised and live in a suburban house in a small town.
Don't forget that you can't just go strolling about on fields as you fancy.
As said above rural can mean oil powered heating as there is no gas, very slow broadband, uncleared roads in the winter, driving everywhere..........but there are enough pluses to out weigh a lot of that.

I grew up on a farm 2 miles from the nearest village and although it was a great childhood, when I got to my teens I hated it. It didn't help that I went to school 12 miles away so didn't even know anyone in the village. I passed my driving test a few weeks after I turned 17, and then went off the rails a bit, as for the first time I had autonomy over what I did socially and I went a bit mental.

If I were you I'd move a bit closer to a town whilst still in the countryside, so that when your dc are older they at least have the option of cycling or getting a bus to see their friends.