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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to move rurally with a 1 and 2 year old?

81 replies

punnedout · 17/02/2015 11:41

We currently live in a small town, and dream of rural living. I've found a house in the country, but it's 7 miles from the local primary school and only has one neighbour (and other houses in fairly close proximity down the lane, but no 'community' as such). It is 4 miles from 'civilisation', but there is nothing around it other than livestock! I am prepared to drive my DCs around, but am worried that they will feel isolated in due course. On the flip side, I think the rural experience will benefit them in many other ways.

Does anybody have experience of this and making it work? When my eldest starts school I know that I will need to ferry him around to see friends etc, which may be more inconvenient than living centrally, but surely this is doable? Am I condemning him to never having friends to visit him?

This has been our dream for years, but now that it may be a reality I'm having a wobble. It's a nightmare commute for me, but I'm not sure I'll be in my work location long-term, so I don't want to compromise our life for that. It's the DCs that I'm worried about.

I suppose what I'm saying (rambling) is that it's a massive leap of faith and there must be people out there who think it's worth it and make it work

OP posts:

kwerty · 17/02/2015 18:21

My children grew up in a little hamlet about two miles from nearest village and 9 or so from towns. Not a problem; most of their friends travelled similar distances in all directions and Mon-Thurs they were at home in the evenings doing homework etc. Weekends I ferried them back and forth but I enjoyed that; friends came to stay and they went to parties and sleepovers, no problem.

SirVixofVixHall · 17/02/2015 19:00

I also should say that making new friends has been much harder than I thought it would be. I know lots of people, DH and i are both pretty outgoing and friendly, but finding other people who I really click with has been tricky. I do have some good friends now, but in general I have found it hard to find common ground. Not helped by being an older mother in an area where women tend to have their children in their twenties.
The pros for me.

Hens in the garden.

2.The beach 5 minutes away.

A more innocent and gentle childhood for my children.
Quiet.

6.Very little pollution.

Meeting lots of interesting older women.
Being closer to my family.

The cons.

Hard to meet people with common ground. Can be lonely.
Shopping. Its dire, have to travel for over two hours to buy a decent lipstick unless I take potluck with online shopping where then the colour is never quite right.
Bloody rural mafia planning departments et al.
Can get boring on a dismal wet Winter day.
The amount of time we spend in the car.
Bored ultra competitive 30-somethings.

loopylucylou · 17/02/2015 19:03

It sounds awful.

I'd happily have a place for the occasional weekend thigh

loopylucylou · 17/02/2015 19:03

THOUGH

Absofrigginlootly · 17/02/2015 19:15

Having rented on a farm in the middle of nowhere during that freakily cold winter a few years back I was repeatedly snowed in and had to park my car a 30 minute walk across the fields to get to my car to get to work!

I grew up in a rural village but that was something else! Put me right off living in the middle of nowhere again!!!

I think a nice rural village with a shop, pub, post office and primary school etc is the way to go!

Viviennemary · 17/02/2015 19:18

I think it sounds awful. But someone else will think it's idyllic. It's just a matter of what you want. Seven miles to nearest primary school. that would be a pain. Move to a village with a primary school. That would be a good compromise.

RitaOrange · 17/02/2015 19:30

Totally agree that the rural lifestyle you describe will ensure you are stuck in the car for hours everyday.
My parents live rurally and its miserable.
I live just outside a lovely city in a pretty village, deli, shops, library etc 15 minutes away.
Need a pint of milk or a get in the car 30 minutes there and back.
No cable /broadband.
To actually do a reasonable shop ( no veggie box or supermarket deliveries) 2 hour round trip.
No buses ,your teens are reliant on you all the time. Mine cycle, walk or get the bus/train into town.
Totally reliant on cars - huge petrol costs.
They have oil central heating £££££ and a cess pit.
NOT.A.CHANCE I would live there its like going back to the dark ages - utterly grim.

TwatFaceBitch · 17/02/2015 20:07

Also We are 3 miles from a good busy town, and on a regular bus route at the top of the road, village is a mile away with a pub and shop.
So Maybe not quite as rural as the one you are looking at.

HumphreyCobbler · 17/02/2015 20:54

You can live in the country and have deliveries, although I am a fifteen minute drive from a shop I can still have a veg box delivered and any supermarket will deliver.

I get irrationally defensive when people describe my life as 'grim', I feel lucky enough to have a fantastic life and wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't want to live in a town or a village but I wouldn't be rude about other people wanting to do so.

golemmings · 17/02/2015 21:06

I know how you feel OP. We had a chouce between 2 houses. One was stunning, rural with an acre of garden, multiple greenhouses, Orchard etc, 3 miles from the nearest village and 20mins drive from the town with supermarket, restaurants etc. The other was a new build in a small town with lots of facilities. We chose the latter because i wanted the kids to see walking and cycling as a mode of transport ( you want an ice cream, you walk to the shop for it) rather than a Sunday afternoon purgatory to be endured. Ous community is awesome; the kids have lots of friends within walking distance and far more freedom and independence than if we lived in the sticks.

SquinkiesRule · 17/02/2015 21:17

Until recently we lived 10 miles from the nearest town and had a few neighbors all elderly and no other kids my kids age in walking distance (maybe a couple but too fast roads with no pavements meant no walking to them) Both my boys knew no better, this was life. They grew up fine, did after school sports/scouts had friends over, went to friends homes (also living rural) were driven to school until 11 when they walked nearly 1/2 mile to a school bus. They are close, were were closer as a family.
Now Dd 10 can walk to and from school (small village), some friends live near. I don't see that much difference, I'll still drive her to other friends next town or village as she gets older, activities are still a car ride away.

stealthsquiggle · 17/02/2015 21:38

We can get deliveries from any supermarket we want. The only thing we can't get delivered (9 miles to nearest town) is takeaways - my DC have no concept of takeaway delivery.

On balance, though, it's a good life and what I would choose for my DC if I was choosing now, and I did chose it having spent my own teenage years in an only slightly less isolated place, without the benefits of broadband or online shopping.

Mintyy · 17/02/2015 21:49

"the rural lifestyle that we crave

Can you explain what that lifestyle is, OP?"

This is something that interests me too. What is it about living in a very remote rural location that is appealing?

My inlaws live in a village with no shop, no pavements, no street lights, nothing going on. Even to get to primary school is a 15 minute drive. They can go on a few walks around the edges of fields. But I just don't get what else is appealing about it!?

Lucy61 · 17/02/2015 21:53

Op- is your husband
D anti- social or unsociable? There's a difference. There, I said it. Couldn't resist.

Follow your heart on this one. If you are drawn to a place and it feels right then go for it. All the other stuff works out in the end.

Patsyandeddie · 17/02/2015 21:54

Do it, they are the right age and will grow up thinking that their life is perfectly fine. My brother and I were 16 & 18, far more difficult but within 2 years we had adapted. Now, 30 odd years down the line it was the best thing they ever did!!

TheWindowDonkey · 17/02/2015 21:54

We have a similar setup to the one you describe op. We love it. Kids roam wild in the garden all day in the summer and its as close to our own carefree 70's childhoods as we can get.
We do make a LOT of effort to make sure they both socialise a lot, esp in school hols and as the parent most often at home that falls mainly to me, driving them or their pals back amd forth but i dont mind that at all. We have a very open door attitude to poppers in and the hamlet we are in is very friendly so we see plenty if people...but we are also tucked away just a bit from everyone else in the locality so the house is peaceful and full of fun in equal measure.
Took a while to get used to having to be organised re making sure basic foodstuffs were in, and i was spooked for the first coule of weeks by the absolute darkness with no street lights, but i LOVE it, wouldnt go back...am totally hooked on the peace, proximity to nature and happiness we have found here!

Bowlersarm · 17/02/2015 21:58

We are rural, but wish we had been braver and moved to somewhere much more remote.

I'd recommend you to do it!

HumphreyCobbler · 17/02/2015 22:01

It is so beautiful here. There are birds, flowers, hedgerows, mountains...I have the space to create an amazing garden that sits in a historic landscape. My drive to school is through stunning countryside. It is peaceful. There are no streetlights! I hate streetlights We can see the Milkyway if there are no clouds. I have an orchard. My children help me rear pigs and chickens. They have a treehouse. They can build dens. They can roam around the fields and dig holes. There are lambs up the road. There are no other people breathing down my neck. There are no traffic jams, no pollution, no anti social behavior I have no choice but to put up with. It is peaceful.

I still have galleries, cinema trips, theatre trips, concerts etc, but a drive away. I have the internet, television, newspapers even. I love my life.

Diryan · 17/02/2015 22:07

It's such a personal thing. I have lived in London, New York and Sydney, and now live in a small village, and it's the small village in which I am happiest. But that's me, and some people would hate it. I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old and I can't think of anywhere where I'd rather bring them up. We can be in a town in 10 minutes so not massively rural, but I love coming back to our beautiful peaceful friendly village.

Pipbin · 18/02/2015 00:06

cess pit.

Septic tank, not a cess pit. But still, not mains drainage and it requires looking after.

ThatBloodyWoman · 18/02/2015 00:13

Its a long time before they're teenagers.
Depends on what you want them to learn as they grow up,I think.
There'll always be pros and cons,but I think that if I was anything to go by,nothing impressed me as a teenager anyway,and some housing estates on the outskirts of big towns can be pretty isolated for those without independent travel options.
Op,yanbu.All the logistical issues can be overcome.

ThatBloodyWoman · 18/02/2015 00:22

My dc's know the names of many wild flowers,can distinguish how various birds sound,and are comfortable in the woods in the dark.
They walk a lot,cuddle chickens,and stand in the garden at dusk with the bats flying around.
They paddle in the stream,make dens and build camp fires.
They understand the circle of life,and have good friends.
Imo,they are very fortunate,and are learning the important stuff in life.

stealthsquiggle · 18/02/2015 00:23

Humphrey - that sounds like the kind of life I kid myself I would have if I didn't work. With 2 of us working full time (and neither on the land) the rural idyll is very different, but still, IMHO, worth it.

Original poster

punnedout · 18/02/2015 10:09

"It is so beautiful here. There are birds, flowers, hedgerows, mountains...I have the space to create an amazing garden that sits in a historic landscape. My drive to school is through stunning countryside. It is peaceful. There are no streetlights! I hate streetlights grin We can see the Milkyway if there are no clouds. I have an orchard. My children help me rear pigs and chickens. They have a treehouse. They can build dens. They can roam around the fields and dig holes. There are lambs up the road. There are no other people breathing down my neck. There are no traffic jams, no pollution, no anti social behavior I have no choice but to put up with. It is peaceful."

What HC said - that is what I crave - thank you for putting it so eloquently!

OP posts:

Original poster

punnedout · 18/02/2015 10:10

.. and ThatBloodyWoman.

Life is so busy, I need space and poultry and wildlife and more space. Just thinking about it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

OP posts:

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