*Could* my aged FIL have ordered a cock ring under an alias????

[Joulea]

My neighbour's vibrating cock ring has been delivered to me by mistake. And I know this because in my absence my naughty dogs have ripped the envelope open. It's half destroyed but the address label still clearly shows where it was delivered to. To make matters worse, I don't recognise the name - and a vibrating cock ring is really not the sort of thing you can put through any old neighbour's door. Especially seeing as on one side there was a bereavement at the weekend, and on the other side live.........my ex-in-laws.

What shall I do?! Help!

I would bin it and deny all knowledge if asked

I bet he did

I don't think I could resist asking the ex in laws if it was theirs tbh.

Put a poster up saying 'New cock ring found. Has been licked by jack russell but has not had any cock contamination. If you think this yours please knock'.

But it's a perfectly GOOD vibrating cock ring. It wouldn't be right to consign it to the bin, never-to-be-used

Squoosh - LOL! On the lamp post!!! LOOOL.

PS. How do you know what dog I have?!

I would have to know...

I just need to find out who it belongs to..........

Put it in a new envelope and repost it from as far as you can from your home.

Then forget about it. Denial is your friend

Is your FIL the cock ring sort? Has he ever bought butt plugs for example?

Because it's such a jack russell thing to do to steal someone's cock ring. A polite old labrador would never do that!

I also own a jack russell and 100% agree that they are the cock ring stealing sort.

Squoosh......crying.....

Your inlaws sound like they have a more interesting and active sex life than me and I'm in my late 20s.

Maybe just ask your neighbours and FIL if they have ordered something and are expecting a package. They won't know that you've seen what's in it.

Then if someone claims it hand over the now opened package and tell them to have fun. I'm sure their face will be a picture.

Can't you just let the dog take it round?

Use it yourself. Just slip it on a courgette, add it to a mix of veg and/or meat, and you'll have a stew that stirs itself.

I'd thread it onto the dog's collar and walk him around nonchalantly. Then gauge where the biggest look of shock comes from - et wallah.

If asked, just claim it's the latest in dog location technology. He buzzes when you clap your hands.

Search the name on-line, he might lead a whole double life.

What name is it anyway! 'Mr Iva Bigcock?'

No, but it is a distinctive name! I am so certain it's them.

Ask them if they have ordered anything addressed to Mr XXXX, and watch your FIL die with embarrassment.

Then tell them that the package was moving and your dog attacked it, so it's a bit preloved, but he's welcome to come and collect it. Mwah ha ha.

My Jack Russell has just pricked up his ears at the very thought of a cock ring.

TiggyD

Tiggy .
You need to on on Dragons Den with that.

I have a mental image of a confused looking vibrating jack russel