Is there a "legal" age to leave a child home alone overnight?

[MyNameIsASACshraderAndYouCanGo]

On Friday DD (13) asked me if she could stay at a friend's, Claire.
I've only met Claire briefly, when DD went to stay at her house overnight on Claire's birthday about 18 months ago. I spoke to the mum briefly on the phone on that occasion, we'd never met, as Claire is new to this country/DD's school.

DD's best friend of 9 years, Gemma, (a regular at our home/sleep overs/days out) was going to sleep over too.

I dropped the girls off at Claire's, expecting to see the mum. However, Claire answered the door. I asked where the parents were, and Claire told me her mum was in the shower. I got DD to give me Claire's mum's phone number (making sure it said "MUM" on the phone ID) so I could ring her when she "got out of the shower".

I drove home, waited 10 mins, then rang. Claire's mum was in a city 50 miles away. She said she'd spoken to Gemma's mum, who was happy for the girls to be unsupervised as they are "sensible girls"

I went and picked DD up.

What I didn't realise at the time was that the mum was away ALL NIGHT.
I've spoken to DD, and apparently this is a pretty regular thing. At least, not a one off anyway.

I know IANBU for not allowing DD to stay home alone at her age, (even DD knows this) but WWYD about the DICK of a parent who thinks it's OK?
The girls are in year 9, so 13/14 years old.

I'm oldfashioned and a bit of a twat to boot, so yeah, I probably did!

That's the law, though, isn't it - that parents decide for themselves if it's appropriate.

However if they get it wrong, they can be prosecuted for neglect. Their defence could be that they didn't act in a reckless way and the child was old enough. It's a big judgement call.

I just wouldn't leave a child on their own all night before they're 16. How scary is that? Why on earth would you?

This is a serious question. Tell me a valid reason why?

I don't know about the old fashioned bit - but I'll agree with the latter . And no 'probably' about it, you "sanctimonious pearl clutcher"

Pretty - honestly, I don't know. I recently left our 17 year old overnight, but still wouldn't feel happy about leaving DD at 15. We live in a naice neighbourhood, we have neighbours who would look out for her, but nope - not on a regular basis to go 50 miles away (did we ever find out why?).

It should be a parents "default". There is no reason why you should leave your child alone over night unless it was for a life and death situation before the age of 16.

I've heard many a "selfish" reason though

I don't know....I suppose if you were on night shift and had no-one else to look after your not-quite-16 year old then there would be no other choice, but it would be unusual for your workplace to be 50 miles away. I'm guessing (rightly or wrongly) that the Mum was staying with her BF or friend, and that this was a regular social thing?

SirChen, I still have a wobbly about leaving my 17 year old and would rather not. Now, its occasionally over night but never two consecutive days. I'm a single parent and of course have had boyfriends etc. but have never ever left my child. Same where work comes into it, my default is, change your job to fit round your child.

Believe me, Im not a pearl clutcher, just hopefully a good mum.

17 year old? Really? I find that astonishing. I mean, whatever works for you, your parenting is none of my business, I just find that extreme. But then I had my own flat at 17, so I don't consider it to be a child.

Things happened to me that Im not going to disclose grockle, it doesnt make it right though does it? I was, same as you, out there at that age and in hindsight I was still very young, therefore I chose never to do that to my child.

Yep, really. I find your astonishment astonishing.

I think 13 is too young.

Left DDs alone for the first time overnight when DD1 was 16 and DD2 was 12 . Previously my MIL had moved in (not that we went away much).They begged to be left alone as she fussed so much. We were going to a wedding 120 miles away, and stayed over. MIL (then 80 ) was down the road and they had contact details for local friends in event of any emergency . They were well drilled in locking doors etc . And they got on well .Don't think I would have had friends of theirs to stay though .
I was a little disconcerted to get phone call from DD1 during the evening reception asking 'where is the leek'(for the meal she was cooking) . I had visions of a large puddle somewhere .. I suppose I should have worried that she was wielding a sharp knife but she cooked regularly by then . Only you know your children . Talking to friends, I'm not sure I'd have left boys though...

Do 13/14 year olds really drink these days then?

You had a "network" going on and obviously family at close hand Post. So its perfectly fine to do that. We can't cover "all" basis on here. Its just my son and I.

I don;t understand. Yes fine it's up to you if you leave your 13/14 year old on their own overnight. Surely it is being a bit dickish to leave several 13/14 year olds on their own overnight without actually checking with their paretns if its OK first

^This and I too would consider a parent who did it a dick.

I never left any of mine alone overnight at the age of 13, and I certainly wouldn't have been happy leaving a group of 13 year olds overnight together. No matter how outwardly sensible they might be, they can still get very silly together and egg each other on to stupid things.

I do leave them on their own in the house for a couple of hours now and then, say when I need to go shopping, to work or to walk the dog. My rule then though is that I do not want any of their friends to be let in if neither hubby or I are at home. It just isn't worth the risk.

Before Christmas I did let my 12 year old and my 16 year old travel together by train to visit their older sister (nearly 20 and at uni) at her student digs. Their sister is very streetwise and sensible. She will have fun with them, but takes no nonsense either.

I personally put them on the train, having drummed into them various rules, and how to follow the journey so that they would know when to get off. Eldest met them at the other end and they were under strict instructions not to leave the station without her. If at first they couldn't see her they were to phone her (and me) and then just wait. I insisted on having texts from all three to say that they had met up safely. It went without a hitch.

Hubby and I drove over the next day to bring all of them home for the Christmas holidays anyway.

Yes, of course they do have to learn independence, but a gaggle of 13 year old girls left to their own devices overnight would not be my choice.

I would not leave a 13/14 year old on their own overnight if I was going to be 50 miles away, no matter how sensible they seem. Girls in their early teens often look and sound grown up but they really aren't adults yet and still need a responsible adult to care for them.

YANBU

Whatever you do, don't send your children to Sweden. I was an exchange student there when I was 15 - instead of putting me with a family, the host organization gave me my own apartment, some cash every month for food and expected me to manage. For half a year, not just one night. And nobody thought this was in any way odd. Quite a difference?

DS is going to Norway on an exchsnge trip later this year at aged 17 - very strict rules and regs surrounding it, as there was when the Norwegians came over here

I'm very easily amused grocklebox.

Especially by you.

You're so funny.

I know. Fucking hilarious I am.

It's why I come here, for the lolz.

I left my 13 & 16 yr old together overnight last summer. We'd gone camping and had accumulated stuff during the holiday (including blow up air mattresses because I am too old to sleep on the ground!) and couldn't fit it all back in the car.
I drove 130 miles home with the 2 dc, once they'd gone to bed I drove back the 130 miles, collected DH and the rest of the camping gear and he drove back. We were home before the DC woke up! (They did know I was going though!)

They could live on their own from the day they turn 16, get married, have children and there's not much difference in age. I'm surprised so many worry about leaving 15/16/17 year olds. They should be able to deal with any problems which may arise then if not they maybe need a bit more independence so they're ready when the time comes for them to stand on their own two feet.