To think that if men don't want babies they should wear a condom?

[MrsTawdry]

I have been arguing on another forum with some men who think that if a man has sex with a woman and she says she's on the pill...and isn't...then all the fault for the unwanted baby lies with her.

whilst I agree that most of the blame is with her, surely it makes sense for a man who does not want a baby to make double sure that he cannot end up with one by wearing a condom?

They say I am victim blaming....that if a couple has an agreement about the pill, then he has been "raped" in a way and that the promise should be enough.

I said why take the risk though? And they tried to liken it to a man filming all sexual encounters to ensure that no accusation of rape could occurr and that by suggesting men "be prepared" I am as bad as people who say women shouldn/t wear short skirts or go out alone after dark.

Am I being unreasonable then? Fully prepared to be told if I am and accept it. I just can't see it at the moment though.

I feel that if you are morally opposed to abortion, you should be fanatically careful about birth control. If you are not fanatically careful and you definitely don't want a child, I think it is terribly irresponsible to be unwilling to have an abortion.

Too many people are willing to bring an unwanted child into the world. Raising a child is very hard, even if you have money, support, two involved parents, and emotional stability.

Too many people are willing to bring an unwanted child into the world. Raising a child is very hard, even if you have money, support, two involved parents, and emotional stability.

Who are you to judge whether a child is wanted enough to be allowed to live?

Raising children can be hard for all sorts of reasons and plenty of children whose lives started as unplanned pregnancies are very much loved and very well cared for in secure, stable homes.

I work for a time in a Marie Stopes clinic. You would not believe how many time contraception fails. Condoms split more times than you would imagine, and some women do not have a clue how to take the Pill, especially the mini pill. If I was 20 years younger, and trying hard not to get pregnant, knowing what I know now, I would take the pill, have an implant, insist on condoms and join a nunnery.

The 15% typical use failure figure, as I understand it, doesn't mean that loads and loads of condoms split / fall off. It means that 15% of the couples who ticked the box marked "Condoms" when asked what contraception they're using will get pissed and carried away one night and think "oh what the hell". Condoms work pretty well on your penis, but very poorly in the bedside table drawer.

Call me a cynical old thing windchime, but I suspect that a few of your reported "split" condoms will have been people who were too embarrassed to admit that.

This article discusses a study done by Richard Crosby, a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. Researchers analyzed 50 studies from 14 countries on condom use and the results appear in a special issue of Sexual Health on condoms. So rather more rigourous than one extremely fertile person just not believing the figures can be right.

Apparently the most commonly reported condom use errors were:

Not using condoms throughout sexual intercourse
Not leaving space at the tip
Not squeezing air from the tip
Putting the condom on inside out
Not using only water-based lubricants
Incorrect withdrawal

So it's not only forgetting to put condoms on at all, but also putting them on too late and putting them on incorrectly, or not withdrawing immediately. I think most people know (or can read) condom instructions properly, but I'd say there are quite a few who are only half-heartedly using it as contraception and have ended up secretly delighted at an unplanned pregnancy.

Goldmandra- I know that is what people say, and that is what I would say in real life.

There are too many people in the world, and too many children who are not well cared for, cherished, wanted, and supported through all the ups and downs of life.

Of course there are lots of unplanned pregnancies which result in deeply loved children, but there are also lots of feckless parents who did not plan their pregnancies and do not care for their children well enough.